I feel like an awful human being saying this, but TLC’s “Abby & Brittany” just isn’t living up to my expectations in terms of answering any of my technical questions. HOW DO THEY POOP? Don’t get me wrong, they are wonderful, inspiring human beings. I enjoyed learning how they drive, watching them ride a Segway, student teach and get ready for their college graduation. The only scientifically interesting things I learned last night was that their stomachs hurt on opposite sides when they eat too much pizza and that they can simultaneously be different temperatures. Weird. The most exciting bit of the show, besides the previews for “Breaking Amish” (which looks enthralling by the way … Rumspringa!), was their hang out session Josiah, their “best friend.” Best friend, eh? Um, I think they are both in lurrvvvvveeee with Josiah. It’s so obvious. But are the feelings reciprocal? Let’s assess the romantic tension after the jump. Keep reading »
Do you need another way to waste time today? I think you do. And should it involve “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?” I think it should. I still haven’t figured out the formula for how the Boo Boos come up with their nicknames, but TLC has applied the top secret algorithm to their Honey Boo Boo Nickname Generator. Mine is Apple Annie. I put in Tanning Mom’s name (Patricia Krentcil) just for fun as well. Her Boo Boo nickname is Pageant Kumquat. YES IT IS. What’s yours? Please share.
As always, the precious moments on last night’s episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” were bountiful. I was still a little distracted by the discovery that June is the same age as me. It’s going to take me a while to process that. Anyhow, the Boo Boos are showing no signs of slowing down. I sincerely hope you’ve been watching as it’s difficult for me not to talk about every single second of every episode. I want us to share ALL of them together, but, for the sake of brevity, I am forced to pick the most beautimous nuggets. Spoiler: Last night’s undisputed climax was the revealing of June’s FORKLIFT FOOT. Oh YES. After the jump, FORKLIFT FOOT and much, much more. Keep reading »
As we know from last week’s episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” (and the ensuing photographs floating around the interwebs), Chickadee pushed baby Kaitlin out of her biscuit. According to People, five-week-old Kaitlyn, born on July 26, has “four fingers and two thumbs on the right hand.”
In response to the rumors that June was mocking the baby’s birth defect, 33-year-old June says, “Not true. We have embraced [the abnormality]. It makes Kaitlyn more special to us.”
WAIT. Excuse me. June and I are the SAME AGE?! Holy shit. My brain just spontaneously combusted. Keep reading »
TLC is like my spirit animal cable channel, so my hopes were lofty for “Abby & Brittany,” the new show about 22-year-old identical, conjoined twins Abby and Brittany Hensel. I saw TLC’s special about them way back when they were 16 and getting their driver’s license. Then, I saw some British special filmed when they were 19 and Brittany was believed to be engaged. I was hoping “Abby & Brittany” would be all about navigating one twin’s relationship. And maybe even HOW SEX WORKS FOR THEM. They have one vagina. So is it considered a threesome when Brittany has sex with her fiance? I need to know! Keep reading »
Any new or cutting edge sexual info I get usually comes from Dan Savage’s podcast or TLC’s “Strange Sex,” so I try to keep abreast of those. Of course, I share anything stimulating that I learn with you. Sunday night’s episode of “Strange Sex” schooled me on sex furniture and sleep orgasms. And there was a guy who couldn’t get erections. (But that was just sad. I can’t write about him. Too depressing.) I know, you’re already getting excited. Settle down. Lessons forth coming.
First, sex furniture! I thought I knew what sex furniture was. I thought it was a fetish wherein one person pretended to be furniture. Where did I get that idea? Does that exist as well? Anyhow, this wasn’t about that. Keep reading »
There was only one episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” last night. I felt the second episode missing like a phantom limb. But still, it’s important to take a moment to redneckonize all the mud boggin’ fun packed into those 22 minutes. Who would have known that Christmas can happen in July? Or that Sugar Bear would be such a genius at naming smells? Or that Alana spoke Spanish? The Boo Boos continue to impress the shit out of me. The things I learned last night after the jump. Keep reading »
Sometimes a show has a great first couple of episodes and fades away as the season continues. The opposite is true of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” It just keeps getting better. Amelia thinks Alana will grow up to be the “funniest comedian that ever lived.” I agree. And, here in the office, we’re kicking around the idea that June is a sex positive feminist and doesn’t even know it. Oh, all the things I’m learning from this show. After the jump, some more nuggets of wisdom from last night including FORKLIFT FOOT. Keep reading »
Oh, happy day. The sneak peak of this week’s episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” includes a trip to the local Piggly Wiggly for some extreme couponing, an activity which June admits is “an addiction” and “better than sex.” I really need to try this couponing business, huh?
For now, I’ll have to live vicariously through Alana, June and the girls as they stock up the “buggy” with chocolate milk and mustard. Not surprisingly, June’s “quick math” skills are on point when it comes to saving money for her family. Alana’s math is not too shabby either. It might be better than mine. And Pumpkin? Well, she falls backwards out of the shopping cart. Of course she does. They should just cancel “Extreme Couponing” because no other couponers will be able to live up to the Boo Boos. More, please! We can hardly wait for Wednesday. [People]
I want to climb into the womb of “TLC” and live there forever. The network really, really gets it. Um, did anyone see the preview for “Abby & Brittany,” the new reality show about the conjoined twins? Holy crap, TLC. I bow down. Anyhow, last night’s two-episode premiere of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” was more epic than I expected. Not only were most of my pressing questions answered, but I learned things I never expected to know in this lifetime. Bless you, Boo Boos, for how you’ve enriched my life. This is definitely my new favorite show. Bottom line. Here are the six very important things you might have missed on last night’s episodes of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” Be prepared to have your mind blown. (Plus! Bonus clips of Alana on a new episode of “Toddlers and Tiaras,” which also aired last night.) Keep reading »