The trailer for VH1′s forthcoming TLC biopic, “CrazySexyCool,” has hit the internet, and it looks pretty damn good. Starring Drew Sidora as T-Boz, Keke Palmer as Chili, and none other than my favorite teen rapper from the mid-2000s, Lil Mama, as Left-Eye , the movie will air in full in October, and features music video reenactments of some of my personal favorite TLC songs, including “No Scrubs” and the perennial karaoke favorite “Waterfalls.” I am extremely excited to see this entire film, and if these two brief snippets of TLC classics are any indication, these ladies will do the silk pajamas of “Creep“ justice. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be listening to that song on repeat for the rest of the day. I suggest you do the same.
“My wife’s routine starts first thing in the morning when she wakes up, scrolling online looking for trolls,” say the husband of Michelle Kerrins, featured on the latest episode of “My Crazy Obsession.”
You might think that he’s referring to internet trolls, which are easily found online. Oh no. He’s talking about troll dolls, the kind most of us had in middle school, but then realized were creepy and promptly threw away. Those things stare into your soul, I swear.
Michelle, a gymnastics instructor in Los Angeles who sometimes tumbles with a troll mask on (it’s truly a sight to behold), has more than 3,000 trolls in her collection, which she makes her poor, teenage daughter photograph so she can catalogue them. She’s also fond of dressing up in a troll bikini, putting a troll mask on and trying to seduce her husband. He’s not into it. Keep reading »
Will I ever tire of “My Crazy Obsession” and the special individuals they feature? Answer: NO. This week’s episode features Barry Levinson, whose obsession with mustard started 26 years ago when he was shopping at an all-night grocery store and heard “a voice” tell him to collect mustard.
“You don’t argue with voices at 2:30 in the morning,” Barry explained. Nope, I agree. Those types of voices are usually a precursor to getting committed. But Barry didn’t get committed. Rather, he committed himself to his favorite, yellow condiment. Now he has the largest mustard collection in the world. His 5,500 jars from 50 states and 80 countries is estimated to be worth about $25,000. Who knew condiments could be so lucrative! Barry must surely have enough mustard to spare a dollop or two for doing things like, say, brushing his teeth with it. WHICH HE DOES. I love me some mustard on my sandwich too, but I draw the line at putting it on my toothbrush. I guess I’ll have to watch the whole episode this Wednesday to find out what other creative uses Barry’s found for mustard. I’m scared. [TLC]
Let’s play a game of “My Strange Addiction” Would You Rather. You go first. Would you rather drink blood or drink pee? You have to pick one, “neither” is not an option.
While you think about your answer, let’s take a moment to remember Carrie from last season, the woman who had been drinking her own urine — as well as using it to bathe, moisturize, and brush her teeth — for four years because she believed it helped send her cancer into remission. So, that’s your first choice.
Now, I’ll tell you about Michelle, the blood drinker who will be appearing on the March 20th episode. Just to clarify, she does not want to categorize herself as a vampire, she is simply someone who enjoys blood quite a lot. Keep reading »
OK. I’m not a super judgmental person, but it’s not normal to like rats more than people. Chantale, featured on Season 2 of “My Crazy Obsession” is wild about her 19 pet rats. She “huffs” them, meaning “deeply inhales their scents. She says they smell like “nachos.” (Just vomited in my mouth.)
Chantale should be friends with that woman from “My Strange Addiction” who licks her cat. And she can date Glen the rat hoarder from “Hoarders,” now that her husband has kicked her out. She needs someone who will accept that rats come first in her life. Someone who will lick her tears with his tongue when she cries. This gives me an idea! I should start a matchmaking service where I set up people from “My Strange Addiction”/ “My Crazy Obsession”/ “Hoarders”/ “Strange Sex.” I feel like this would be really successful. The show is back on April 3rd. Rejoicing. [ONTD]
Yesterday, I had dim sum and was feeling adventurous so I ordered chicken feet just because I was curious. Not exaggerating, one bite and I gagged. They were so gummy and gelatinous, I wanted to die. I felt nauseous for most of the day and into this morning. Sometimes, when I am disgusted by something, I try to find something that is even more disgusting to distract me. I found something! An upcoming episode of “My Strange Addiction” will feature a woman addicted to eating cat hair. Keep reading »
Oh, heeyyy. What’s that? TLC has a new amazing show coming down the pipelines? Oh, yes they do. The channel whose womb I want to crawl into, is bringing us “Plastic Wives,” a series about the wives of some of the most high profile surgeons in Beverly Hills.
“Underneath all that plastic are the wrinkles the cracks, the insecurities. We all try to cover it up, but we’re the Plastic Wives,” says cast member Dayna. She also refers to her vagina as “two soy hot dogs with a bad carpet.” I will be using that one in the future. Why soy? I can’t take the time to ponder that because really, Dayna’s soy dogs are nothing compared to Alana’s. She keeps hers in a small plastic jar. “This is my labia, I think she looks better in a jar than hanging down there,” she says.
Done and done. I’ll be watching the premiere on January 27th. The full preview after the jump. [TLC] Keep reading »
This episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo” made me realize that I’ve been celebrating Thanksgiving wrong all these years. I’ve never made a Junecrow to scare the gnats away or ate Billy Bob mega multi-meal style or worn a fuzzy turkey hat or used the wishbone as a toothpick. What have I been doing with my life? Thanksgiving Boo Boo-style, after the jump. Keep reading »
Gather ’round children and let me tell you a ghost story that will scare the ooo out of you. It’s about the Fart Ghost — a ghost that you smell before it scares you and it likes scaring people really bad. Sometimes the Fart Ghost farts … mayonnaise. BWAHAHAHAHA!
Oh yes, the return of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” was a scary one because it’s Halloween in McIntyre. So, we get to go deep into the Boo Boo’s psyches and find out what scares the ooo out of them (mayonnaise, frogs, ghost stories, getting pumpkins stuck on their heads) and how much they like candy. A GODDAMN LOT. Since we’re sharing here, my biggest fear is finding out that Mama June and I are actually the same person, which I’m starting to fear we are. We are the SAME AGE (still not over that), like to talk about farts and have a crippling fear of mayonnaise, or as Pumpkin calls it, “marannaise.” Holy crap. Some of my favorite frightening moments from the premiere after the jump. Keep reading »
Oh, feminism, what a tangled web you weave! How could I have missed “Wives With Beehives,” a program that aired last Thursday night on TLC (of course), about couples who purposefully live a 1950s lifestyle? The husbands go off to work, carrying their lunch in a pail, natch, while the wives stay at their kitsch-ed out ’50s home wearing full makeup and retro dresses, cooking and cleaning before his return. Here’s a clip featuring 37-year-old Amber chatting about how this lifestyle is just the bee knees. Keep reading »