While the direct blame for abuse rests solely on the abusers, we live in a culture that supports and perpetuates the cycle of violence. It is on all of us to listen, support and validate the voices of those who come forward. Victims shouldn’t feel censored or have their stories dismissed just because there isn’t a direct line solution to their complicated realities. We cannot get to #WhyILeft without confronting the reasons #WhyIStayed.
At first glance, Charlotte Alter’s piece on Time.com, “Instead of Asking Women Why They Stay, We Should Ask Men Why They Hit,” sounds sensible. In 140 characters, it even seemed empowering — almost spectacularly right on the money.
Why are we asking Janay Rice and other victims of intimate partner violence to explain themselves?? Abuse survivors shouldn’t need to justify their circumstances and choices in a hashtag. Shouldn’t we be as shocked and appalled at that conversation as Alter seems to be?
Actually, no. It turns out, she has missed the point entirely. Keep reading »
What is it with dudes and time? By that we mean, why do they—and of course we are generalizing because that is what we get paid to do—either refuse to be committal when it comes to making a date or are super flaky about the plans/statements they do make? The Non-Committal Type says things like, “Let’s hang out soon” or “I’ll call you sometime.”
Meanwhile, The Flaky Type is super specific, but has zero follow through. “I’ll call you Monday to make plans for a date on Thursday” results in no call Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, so you make alternate plans for Thursday night, but guess what? He’s all up in your grill that morning, saying, “Psyched to hang out tonight!
What should we do?” We are in a constant state of trying to decide which type we hate more. But more important, why do guys generally fall into one of these two buckets? Why is the “Guy Who Makes Specific Plans And Sticks To Them” such a f**king dating unicorn? We went to the guys on our IM to find out.
I have a friend—bless her heart—who is habitually late to everything! It all started when Lynn went to work for me as a freelance editor. She never showed up when she said she would, always arrived looking like the mad scientist with hair askew and papers flying out of her cramped notebooks, and as breathless as if she’d just run the Boston Marathon before remembering, “Oh! I have an appointment!” Keep reading »
Wake me up at the crack of dawn looking for sex, and I’m likely to ignore you, or yell at you — and not in a dominatrix type of way. To put it mildly, I’m not a morning person — or, rather, I’m up for “morning sex,” if 11:59 a.m. counts as “morning.” But others have different ideas on the matter, so I asked my friends what time of the day equals sexytime for them. Keep reading »
Amid Vanity Fair-gate, Time published Donny Osmond’s thoughts on Miley Cyrus’ career:
Show business is about idolization. As an idol to tweens the world over, singer-actress Miley Cyrus, 15, is riding a huge tidal wave at the pinnacle of her career; this is as it should be. I hope she enjoys it. I guarantee there will be many bumps in the road ahead. One of them, especially for somebody who acts and sings on her own TV show, is that your image becomes cryogenically frozen into a specific stereotype…..Her challenge will be overcoming the Hannah Montana stereotype. Miley’s fans are not thinking about the fact that she will grow up too. As she does, she’ll want to change her image, and that change will be met with adversity.
Keep reading »