The Parents Television Council has asked CW affiliates not to air the much-anticipated threesome episode of “Gossip Girl” because airing the teen menage a trois would be “reckless and irresponsible,” said the group’s president Tim Winter in a statement Wednesday. The group says on its website that “the show conveys the message that sex is a tool used to manipulate people.” Although the promos for the “3SOME” don’t say who will be involved, some suspect that it will be the show’s top schemers, Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass, with another major character. The median viewer age is 27 years old, according to a CW spokesperson, a claim Winter said in his statement “doesn’t even pass the ‘laugh test.’” He said “Gossip Girl” is “expressly targeted to impressionable teenagers.”

Britney Spears’ video ode to threesomes, “3,” is officially out, and just in case you have some ideas about roping your man into a menage à trois, here are some other helpful pop songs about threesomes to guide the way. I recommend not so subtly turning it into a soundtrack and inviting his hot guy friend over for the most awkward evening ever. 

Just as suspected. Britney Spears just released the video for her new song “3,” which you’ve probably been hearing everywhere since it’s sitting at the top of the Billboard music chart. And from that little snippet where she’s being pulled back and forth by two dudes in body paint, I think it’s safe to say that the song is definitely about threesomes rather than, say, math. Sure seems like Hollywood’s gone threesome-crazy, no?

We snorted Frappucino out our noses reading Maxim‘s “9 Sexual Mistakes You Made In College,” because we totally boned that guy with un-ironic Power Rangers bed sheets who wore his socks while doing that deed.

Yeah, that guy was a mistake—but, by and large, we look back on our college years with zero regrets. That night with the handcuffs? The trip up our back door? The romp with our Women’s Studies TA? They’re all juicy bits to keep things entertaining when our life flashes before our eyes. Ladies of gentler stock might reflect on their higher education years with shame. But those bitches don’t remember what really happened anyway, because they needed at least three Jaeger bombs just to loosen up.  After the jump, sex “mistakes” we don’t regret making in college.

Men look at sex the way dogs look at bacon: The object is to get as much as possible in any form or by any means before our inevitable deaths.

Some of the more inventive people in our society have come up with a variety of sex acts intended to improve the pleasure of sex. But messing around with sex is like trying to improve the taste of bacon; you can try, but, ultimately, bacon is just good. Some sex simply sounds much better on paper than it turns out to be, often leaving guys wishing they’d just gone with some basic intercourse instead.

Here’s a look at a few sex acts that guys are convinced would be awesome, but in real life turn out to be pretty disappointing.

When I first set out to write about swinging for an article about the lifestyle, the last thing I expected was to find myself nodding when a slim, curly-haired brunette asks if she may take off my panties. It’s a windy Friday night and I’m in a cozy, apartment-style swing club in Midtown Manhattan, my short, cherry-red dress folded down to my waist—all in the name of research, of course. The bartender, a curvy blonde, leans over to kiss me.

I’m pretty sure the cast of “The Real World: Cancun” is the worst bunch of deplorable nincompoops in the show’s history. On last night’s episode, newly single Jonna (pronounced “Jon-nay”) was gettin’ busy with this tool named Pat (who already hooked up with her roommate Jasmine) and the two of them ended up having a threesome with “bi-curious” roomie Ayiiia (how are there three f**king “i”‘s in this chick’s name?!). Afterward, everyone (but Pat, of course, who, SHOCKER, turns out not to be the sweetheart Jonna thought he was) is feeling all guilty and ashamed, worried about what Mom and Dad will say. Ayiiia ended up bawling her eyes out because she feels so judged by her family. Now, I don’t know what your parents are like, but mine are both pretty liberal and open-minded and they would not be cool with me boning anyone on reality TV, let alone two people, never mind two people who are total jackasses. So, tell me folks, are threesomes becoming a lot more commonplace? Does having one make you a big ol’ tramp or is it a normal rite of passage, so long as you’re safe?

While “(500) Days of Summer” is only the latest warm weather flick to explore the delights and wonders of monogamy, there’s been a relative dearth of love triangles in recent cinema. Are ménages à trois no longer in fashion? It seemed like the ‘90s were full of threesomes, coming (so to speak) in all different shapes and genders: Was Gregg Araki’s “Splendor” really that bad that it signaled the end of a decade-long exploration into the not-so-single life? Below, four films that promised us the magical number 3 but never delivered on the company, much less the crowd.

“I see an exciting adventure in your future, a new sexual experience that forever changes you,” she said, tracing the sole of my foot with one soft fingertip. Her husband grinned at me from the bed. I sat half-naked in the overstuffed armchair and trembled with nerves.

This is not how I’d imagined my first — or any — threesome. I’m not bisexual, and I can count the number of times I’ve been physically attracted to a woman on one hand, with two fingers left over.

Those of you who don’t live in downtown New York may not be familiar with the new Calvin Klein Jeans billboard gracing a corner in Soho. Let me explain: the thing is enormous, taking up the entire side of a building, and its four scantily-clad participants look just about ready to have a tired, drunken threesome. (Well, three of them might, anyway. The fourth dude is just so over it and needs a nap on the ground.) In short, it is incredibly hot in a sweaty, semi-trashy way. And sometimes, that’s all you need.

I am 30 years old, single, and have been that way for a while. As I approached the big 3-0, starting around mid-28, I began to panic about my singlehood, asking myself some tough questions: “What am I doing wrong?” “Are my standards are too high?” “Do I have too much baggage?” I made a new dating motto for myself: “No guy left behind,” ensuring that all dudes got a chance. This equal opportunity dating model led me straight into the jaws of a string of freaks, losers, liars, a-holes, guys with girlfriends, and one very, er…unique guy I’ll call H.

A few months ago, I posted about a list of “women’s sexual fantasies” that appeared in Men’s Health. I wrote that the majority of the fantasies listed were “so off-the-mark and absurd, I [worried] about men incorporating these fantasies into their sexual routines and turning off women so dramatically that all sex becomes just a fantasy.” Many of you agreed that the list didn’t come close to reflecting women’s true fantasies, and Men’s Health must have listened because they’ve published a new list of women’s sexual fantasies—only these sound suspiciously like men’s top desires! After the jump, see what the publication is telling its (mostly male) readers we women want in the sack.

I really didn’t know what polyamory was until I fell into it at 27. I was arguing one day with a couple I’d been sleeping with for about a month, when BAM! I ended up in a three-way relationship.

I’ve always been open-minded as far as sexual relationships were concerned and was sleeping with a male/female couple. That day, Dan was being overly critical of Ellie. I told them the nit-picking was bothering me, but it really wasn’t my business how they treated each other, since, you know, it was their relationship.

That’s when they looked at each other and asked me, “Well, aren’t you kind of… with us?”

Hmm. “Fine,” I said to Dan, “Be nice to my girlfriend then.”

Here’s a 110% true fact: the guy you’re dating has definitely imagined having a threesome with you and the waitress from last night, his hot co-worker, or your best friend. Totes disgust, amiriiiiight?

While you’re squirming over how grossoholic men are, telling yourself “My boyfriend would NEVER want to have a threesome between me and my best friend Megs,” allow me to inform you that women are far kinkier, nastier, and sexually adventuresome than the testicle enabled. More on THAT, later.

Starring Rebecca Hall, Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem
Written and Directed by Woody Allen

Woody Allen is a hit or miss type of genius – critics loved Annie Hall and Match Point, but hated Cassandra’s Dream and Melinda and Melinda.  His movies either blow your mind or make you feel like you’ve blown 12 bucks at the theater.  That being said, I’m a total Woody Allen neophyte, which is strange considering I’m a neurotic native New Yorker.  To be honest, at first, there was nothing drawing me to Vicky Cristina Barcelona – I’m not particularly into the actors, didn’t think there was an exciting storyline, etcetera.  But the hype got the better of me, so I decided to pop my Woody Allen cherry after all.

Dear Nancy,
Poor you, you can’t keep those two naughty boys of yours under control!  We’ve got Silas seducing that cougar on the counter-top at her cheese shop and Shane hitting that boy in the face with a lunch tray.

Monday is so grumpy and slumpy, we all could use a pick me up that doesn’t involve sinking our life savings in espresso shots. So every Monday we’re going to introduce you to a sexy threesome to brighten up your day—it’s The Monday Menage! First up is “Radio Ladio”, a video from Metronomy, featuring three (it’s the magic number!) colorful cardiganed cuties. Oh baby! These boys dance, they make romance, and they tickle the ivories—we’ve never wanted to be a keyboard more in our lives.

Jon Stewart is a sexy motherf*#%er.  The suit, the smirk, the wit, he makes us Frisky gals weak in the knees. Sigh, but of course we’re not the only ones.  Comedy Central Insider has been assembling the 25 Sexiest Daily Show Moments, which is quite a daunting task since Stewart is at the top of his game day after day. Sure, some of the selections include correspondents like the girl crushable Rachael Harris, but there’s still mucho Stewart manliness. And the countdown to #1 isn’t over yet! So we would like to respectfully submit our favorite menage a trois moment from the show: Conan O’Brien, Stephen Colbert, and Stewart, dancing and wrestling. The boys are all fired up and grabby, swoooon. [Fark]

Actress Tilda Swinton, who looks like David Bowie circa The Man Who Fell To Earth, has openly admitted to being “an open lover”—also like the music icon in the ‘70s. Swinton, who now holds one gold naked man called Oscar, bravely admitted to sleeping with two other dudes—a young German painter, Sandro Kopp, almost 20 years her junior, and a Scottish playwright (her baby daddy) about 20 years her senior, John Byrne.  While this submitter can barely get one dude to buy her dinner, Tilda Swinton’s getting plenty o’ dessert. That being said, Tilda knows what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander.