Dear Brett Eric Drachenburg aka “The Sun,”
If were sitting in the same room right now, I would be giving you a slow clap. From a safe distance, of course. At least 93 million miles. When you were caught stealing a towel from a Florida home, you told the cops that you were simply trying to disguise yourself as “‘The Sun’ with intent to obstruct the due execution of the law.” Initially, authorities were confused by your explanation and thought you might be referring to The Sun Sentinel newspaper, but when the deputy asked you for your name, you replied, “The Sun.”
The Sun, l know why you stole that towel. You were trying to hide your fire from the world. Trying to protect the world from your heat. Don’t do it, The Sun. Never let anyone dull your shine, baby. Take that towel off your face and let the world have it.
Too hot, too bright, too in your eyes? If you’re having issues with the sun, you should probably contact its owner, Angeles Duran. The 49-year-old Spanish woman has a notarized document claiming the center of our solar system is registered to her. As the legal owner of the sun, her first order of business is to tax all of its users and divide the profits between the Spanish government, research, the ending of world hunger, and herself. “It is time to start doing things the right way, if there is an idea for how to generate income and improve the economy and people’s well-being, why not do it?” she said. I hope she’s thought far ahead enough to take out an insurance policy on the sun, which is expected to die in five billion years. Until then … everyone must pay! [Google] Keep reading »
The U.K.â€™s daily newspaper, The Sun, proudly runs a bare-breasted model every day called the Page 3 Girl. A brainchild of media mogul Rupert Murdoch, itâ€™s been a topless tradition since the fitting date of 1969 and the magazineâ€™s sales rose 40% in a year. As we all know, sex sells. Ryan Air, a budget European airline, was also hoping to bank on sex appeal with a new ad for spring breakers that featured a model dressed in midriff revealing schoolgirl uniform. Unfortunately, the totally safe for work ad has raised libidos and concerns from the British Advertising Standards Agency. Ryan Air, who has had a whopping nine ads banned, tops the ASAâ€™s list of offensive advertisers. The agency claims this ad inappropriately sexualizes underage schoolgirls, but oh baby, baby, didnâ€™t Britney Spears already do that a decade ago? A spokesperson for Ryan Air released a statement giving the ASA the proverbial middle finger and refused to withdraw any of their ads. [Brand Republic via Jezebel] Keep reading »