Tag Archives: the soapbox

The Soapbox: No, But Seriously, Sex Can Be Satisfying Without Orgasm

The Soapbox: No, But Seriously, Sex Can Be Satisfying Without Orgasm

I have slept with a fair amount of people. But I’ve orgasmed with only one, the person I was in a long-term relationship with. All of my other sexual encounters have been varying degrees of fun, but have not resulted in the Big O. For me at least — the men I’ve slept with always come. This never comes as a surprise to me. I don’t expect to come from casual sex, while I’m sure every dude I have it with does. As Natalie Kitroeff notes in an article for The New York Times, “in hookups, inequality still reigns.”

Here’s what I’ve noticed over, uh, the last 13 years of having sex. Some guys, even random dudes I’ve brought home from bars, are really, really into getting women off. But most of them are driven by their own egos. “Every girl I’ve ever been with has come” is something I’ve heard more than a few times from guys who just won’t stop until they’re sure you’ve reached their idea of satisfaction — orgasm. I’ve been known to fake it with these men, because it’s just so much easier than explaining to a relative stranger “I just can’t orgasm unless I am really, really, really in the right mood and there are no distractions and I’m 1000 percent relaxed and my OCD/ADD isn’t acting up. Also you have to be licking my pussy just right and it also helps if I use my vibrator while you’re fucking me, but even then it just might not happen. Don’t take it personally, I’m still having a great time!” I have given a few dudes the short version of that explanation and they all looked at me like I just killed their puppy. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: What Lululemon Can Learn From The Queer Yoga Community

The Soapbox: What Lululemon Can Learn From The Queer Yoga Community

Earlier this week, Lululemon’s founder, Chip Wilson, made a boneheaded comment in response to the sheer batch of yoga pants that the company had to recall earlier this year.

“Frankly, some women’s bodies just don’t actually work [for the yoga pants] … It’s more really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there over a period of time, how much they use it,” Wilson said in a TV interview.

I’ll admit, I buy and wear Lululemon products. I suppose he’s right about the shape of a woman’s body affecting the wear and tear on the pants, yet there was something irksome about about his comment. Forgetting about the actual yoga pants for a moment (which happen to run about four sizes smaller than a woman’s actual size), I think what makes me (and others) bristle about Wilson’s comment is his subtext of exclusion. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Slate Tells Young Women To “Stop Getting Drunk,” Majorly Misses The Mark On Alcohol & Rape

The Soapbox: Slate Tells Young Women To "Stop Getting Drunk," Majorly Misses The Mark On Alcohol & Rape
Drunk Is A Feminist Issue
Why women should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »

Slate.com’s modus operandi is to troll the hell out of everyone. Today’s piece by Dear Prudence author Emily Yoffe, “College Women: Stop Getting Drunk,” is a classic example.

In her piece, Yoffe recounts a statistic from a 2009 study that 80 percent of campus sexual assaults involve alcohol.  She then gives what she thinks is sound personal safety advice for “young and naive women,” but it’s actually a slippery slope to victim blaming:

Perpetrators are the ones responsible for committing their crimes, and they should be brought to justice. But we are failing to let women know that when they render themselves defenseless, terrible things can be done to them. Young women are getting a distorted message that their right to match men drink for drink is a feminist issue. The real feminist message should be that when you lose the ability to be responsible for yourself, you drastically increase the chances that you will attract the kinds of people who, shall we say, don’t have your best interest at heart. That’s not blaming the victim; that’s trying to prevent more victims.

Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Kanye West May Be Arrogant, But He’s Also Right About Black Wealth

The Soapbox: Kanye West May Be Arrogant, But He's Also Right About Black Wealth

Over the past fortnight I’ve watched as a familiar narrative re-emerged around rapper Kanye West. Basically, Kanye’s an arrogant ranting asshole who needs to shut up, and stick to music. The end.

Admittedly, Kanye doesn’t help his cause. At times his behavior lends credence to what I think is a shallow theory.

Yes, Kanye West regularly makes outrageous statements about his overstated abilities and does silly things. But based solely on the Zane Lowe and Jimmy Kimmel interviews, Kanye’s fury can be distilled down to a single factor — he’s frustrated that despite his wealth, passion and accomplishments, he’s unable to start a joint venture with any of the major fashion companies. This frustration is deepened by the fact that he’s demonstrated he has influence over consumer buying habits and trends. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On The “First Female Maasai Warrior” & The Power Of White Privilege

Soapbox: Piper's Privilege
Piper in prison on Orange Is The New Black
Piper from "Orange Is The New Black" is the poster girl fro white privilege. Read More »
Soapbox: Colorstruck
Is Hollywood still colorstruck? Read More »
Soapbox: Natural Hair
The Soapbox: Natural Hair, Like Recycling, Is Not A Lifestyle Choice For Everyone
It's not a lifestyle choice for everyone. Read More »
Soapbox: Big Brother
The Soapbox: On "Big Brother," Racism & Scapegoating
On racism and scapegoating on "Big Brother." Read More »
The Soapbox Warrior Princess

In a recent Yahoo! Shine article, a young, white, California entrepreneur, Mindy Budgor, was deemed a “warrior princess” after ditching her posh, luxury-filled life to become the first female warrior of the African Maasai tribe. Armed with Underarmor, pearl earrings and Chanel dragon red nail polish — which made her feel “fierce”– this nice Jewish girl from Santa Barbara, who loved “manis and pedis and warm croissants,” was heralded for singlehandedly empowering the Massai women. She even wrote a memoir about her experience. As a 23-year-old black college student, similar to Ms. Budgor, I set out on my own “spiritual quest” that landed me on the Big Island of Hawaii — miles away from my New Jersey home. But my experience was far less empowering for everyone involved. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Why Do We Feel Ashamed For Being Sexually Harassed?

sexual harassment

It ended as quickly as it started. I felt his hand squeeze my butt, heard him shout “Nice!” and caught a glimpse of his back as he bolted off the subway car. I stood there, clutching the metal pole, utterly paralyzed. Did that really just happen? Did a random man just grab me and proceed to proudly proclaim to the B train that he had violated me?

Yes. It did.

I stood there, stunned. I began looking back and forth, desperately searching for a forgiving pair of eyes, a sympathetic nod of the head. Instead, I saw two young men smirking at me, their eyes scanning my Betsey Johnson dress, as if to remind me that what had just happened, if it was anything at all, was something I had brought on myself. Keep reading »

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