Tag Archives: the soapbox

The Soapbox: On School Dress Codes And Slutty Wednesday At Stuyvesant High School

Sorority Dress Code
Get a load of the Pi Phi rush dress code beauty rules. Read More »
On Slutshaming
It's about controlling women through guilt and shame. Read More »
The Soapbox
Why Lolo Jones' reason for being a virgin is infuriating. Read More »

By now you’ve probably heard of the prestigious New York City high school that protested what they perceive as a discriminatory dress code by instituting a “Slutty Wednesday”—a day in which students came to school in outfits that deliberately violated the code. According to news reports, the school’s dress code is pretty basic. It requires that shorts, dresses and skirts should extend below students’ fingertips, with their arms straight at their sides and that shoulders, undergarments, midriffs and lower backs should not be exposed. Students argued that such a code affects female students more than males and that it is being arbitrarily enforced, singling out students whose bodies are “more curvy.”

“In addition to the violation of female students’ rights,” Jessica Valenti writes in The Nation, “the thinking behind the code sends a dangerous message to young women – that they are responsible for the way in which society objectifies and sexualizes them.”

The protest is similar to the thinking behind movements like Slutwalk — movements that, in the words of founder Heather Jarvis, emphasize the right for “anyone to wear what you want and be who you are without the threat of violence.”

Whereas I agree that it’s not a women’s responsibility to mitigate the male gaze, and I certainly respect that a woman’s sexuality is her own to be expressed as she chooses, the sticky fact is that many spaces we encounter have a dress code, written or unwritten. To the extent that school prepares students for the “real world,” shouldn’t students be expected to come to school properly dressed? Keep reading »

The Soapbox: In Defense Of Brian Presley (Or Why Melissa Stetten Comes Off Like The Jerk For Live-Tweeting Their Conversation)

Worst Seatmates Ever
What's the worst airplane seatmate experience you've ever had? Read More »
Is He Cheating?
How to tell if he's runnin' around on you. Read More »
9 Signs He Cheats
Take notes, ladies. Read More »

On a recent red eye from New York to Los Angeles, model Melissa Stetten sat next to actor Brian Presley and live-tweeted their conversation to approximately 30,000 followers. What ensued was little less than the public humiliation of a husband and father for, among other heinous crimes, allegedly flirting with her and having too much to drink.   

While we’ve all sat next to that annoying seatmate on a flight who keeps talking when we just want to be left alone, I do not believe that Brian Presley’s behavior warranted such a public flogging. He sounds like a perfectly harmless guy who chatted up a pretty girl.

Stetten, on the other hand, sounds like an arrogant, insensitive twit. She publicly shamed a man for talking to her and mocked a recovering alcoholic during a possible relapse. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Since When Is Wanting An Intellectually Equal Partner “Elitist”?

Bad Dating Habits
Us ladies are not immune to fouling up a date... Read More »
Dating Victim
I am not a dating victim -- and neither are you. Read More »
Dump Him In 2012
10 signs that you need to dump him this year. Read More »

I am fan of GOOD’s dating dealbreaker series (eerily similar to ours, but whatever) because I think it does a good job of looking back on past failed relationships and identifying the reason(s)  things just didn’t work out. Sometimes these dealbreakers can seem insignificant on the surface, but actual indicate a larger problem; other times these dealbreakers are glaringly obvious compatibility flaws. Even if the specific story does not resonate with readers, the larger problems are often relatable. GOOD writer Melissa Jeltsen’s dealbreaker, according to the headline on her piece? “He Didn’t Go To College.” This made her an “obnoxious, pseudo intellectual elitist” in the words of Feministe writer Caperton.

I found Jeltsen’s story about breaking up with someone because he was not her intellectual equal to be nuanced, compelling, thoughtful, and self-reflective. Feministe’s takedown, on the other hand, while raising one or two decent points, was disproportionately nasty in tone. Yes, the title of her piece was somewhat simplistic, but it was eye-catching and likely written by her editor, as most headlines are. However, Jeltsen’s piece was about more than just breaking up with her boyfriend because he didn’t go to college. She writes that despite having a “deep and easy” connection with Duke, the boyfriend in question, she was not intellectually stimulated by him. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Leave Lolo Jones And Her Virginity Alone!

The Soapbox
Why Lolo Jones' reason for being a virgin is infuriating. Read More »
Virginity & Depression
Why do girls get depressed after losing their virginity? Read More »
Virginity Regrets
Regretting the way you lost your v-card. Read More »

I have to respectfully disagree with Alexandra Gekas’ recent Soapbox excoriating Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones for considering her virginity “a gift I want to give my husband.” Taking Jones to task for how she’s decided to pursue her sexuality strikes me as yet another way to be holier-than-thou, through a feminist lens, almost the opposite of slut-shaming (conservative-shaming? virgin-shaming?). There are a seemingly infinite number of ways women are told we are expressing ourselves, sexually and otherwise, incorrectly. Are we showing too much cleavage? Putting out too soon? Living in sin? It’s like we can’t win, and while I’m not in Jones’ position, I’d like to think anyone who’s been judged for being “slutty” can empathize with being judged in this way. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Why Lolo Jones’ Reason For Staying A Virgin Infuriates Me

Leave Lolo Alone!
A writer responds to criticism of Lolo Jones' virginity pledge. Read More »
Virginity & Depression
Why do girls get depressed after losing their virginity? Read More »
Virginity Regrets
Regretting the way you lost your v-card. Read More »

In a recent interview on HBO’s “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel,” 29-year-old American hurdler Lolo Jones told Mary Carillo that Olympic qualifying is nowhere near as difficult as her struggle to remain a virgin until marriage. Jones said she publicized her vow of chastity because she wants other girls who have made the same decision to know that they are not alone and that it’s not easy.

“I just don’t believe in it.” Jones said. “It’s just a gift I want to give my husband. But please understand this journey has been hard. There’s virgins out there and I want to let them know that it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life; harder than training for the Olympics; harder than graduating from college has been to stay a virgin before marriage. I’ve been tempted, I’ve had plenty of opportunities.” Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Why We Can’t Resist An A-Hole

Guys To Date
Here are 18 guys you should give a shot in 2012. Read More »
Do Not Date These Guys
12 guys you shouldn't date this year. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Negging
Just say no to negging! Read More »

If I hadn’t witnessed it with my own eyes, I never would have believed it. My friends and I stumbled into a crowded bar for some after-dinner drinks one night and, within 30 minutes, my friend Aaron had the waitress’s phone number. Not that surprising since Aaron is a tall, good-looking guy who always seems to have a harem; but his technique was unorthodox to say the least. He stood in her way whenever the waitress walked past us. He would interrupt her while she was taking orders from other customers. He sent his drink back three times, citing something absurd each time — “not enough gin …  not enough tonic …  I asked for a martini …  I’m just a pain in the ass.” If I were her, I would have sent another server to our table but she GAVE him her phone number and he didn’t even ASK for it.

What the…? Yeah, I’m not really sure either. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: I Want A Ceasefire On The Mommy Wars

Breastfeeding on Time
TIME magazine breastfeeding cover photo
Time magazine's breastfeeding cover is just a tad provocative. Read More »
On Attachment Parenting
One woman's opinion about attachment parenting. Read More »
Lesbian Mom
lesbian moms photo
One woman talks about being a lesbian mom. Read More »
What Is "Kiss Feeding"?
Alicia Silverstone chews her son's food and spits it in his mouth. Read More »

Here it is. The latest in the “mommy wars.”

Because everything is a war these days, it seems. Yesterday, we were talking about the “war on obesity.” I even heard that Obama declared “war on marriage.” So “war” means “having a different opinion.” Or possibly “wanting equal rights.” In a moment, it might mean, “Hey, what you lookin’ at? You got a problem?”

But I want to talk about the so-called “mommy wars.” The cycle of articles and news reports and TV interviews and books that argue for the one good way to raise kids, and explain why every other idea is not only terrible, but it will definitely destroy your children’s future.

The mommy wars keep going, and going, and then they’re still going, because they are at their heart about two things that almost everyone cares about intensely: What it means to be a woman, and what is good for children. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Attachment Parenting Is The Lazy Mama’s Secret

What Is "Kiss Feeding"?
Alicia Silverstone chews her son's food and spits it in his mouth. Read More »
Breastfeeding on Time
TIME magazine breastfeeding cover photo
Time magazine's breastfeeding cover is just a tad provocative. Read More »

When you become a parent, one of the first things that you will learn is that everyone has an opinion about the way you choose to parent. From friends, family, your doctor, to strangers in line at the grocery store, everyone will impart their own unsolicited brand of wisdom — usually by telling you what you are doing wrong.

However, in the five years that I’ve been a mother, one thing I have learned is that there certainly isn’t one right way to parent. What works for one family might not work for another, and that’s okay. As long as kids are healthy, happy, and safe, do what you need to do.

But don’t think that coming to this realization will stop other people from judging you for your parenting choices.

The latest parenting trend under the microscope is Attachment Parenting (AP). Coined by pediatrician Dr. William Sears, this parenting philosophy promotes a handful of basic principles with the goal of fostering a healthy and secure bond between parents and children. While the principles of AP have been around for many years, the media has recently latched on to the less mainstream aspects of the philosophy in response to Hollywood celebs sharing glimpses into their apparently controversial parenting practices. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Whither The Manic Pixie Dream Guy?

Approval Matrix
Ranking the men of the manic pixie dream girl movies. Read More »
Is She A MPDG?
Manic Pixie Dream Girl rehab is only for the most whimsical of cases. Read More »

It happened to one of us, ladies. Let’s let her tell it: “A handsome man with tousled hair and an aversion to commitment showed up at my door, suitcase in hand, seeking shelter from the storm. (Okay, he’d called beforehand, but still.) We had a two-day romance — he played music, I wore a dress, we talked for hours. Then he disappeared from my life on a six-a.m. flight, and that was that. It was the emotional and quirky hit-it-and-quit-it.”

“My pop-culture education to date had not prepared me for this scenario. Yes, I felt a sense of loss at his leaving, but I also felt a sense of spiritual wholeness. Why wasn’t I moping around waiting for him to come back to me, like in a romantic-comedy post-breakup pre-finale montage? Why did I feel, of all things, better connected to my art?”

We came to a conclusion so bizarre that it had to be true: he’d Zooey Deschaneled her, hard. He was a manic pixie dream guy. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Can TV Spare Some Change? A Token Negro, Perhaps?

Erica Watson Controversy
Erica Watson Love That Girl
TV show should be ashamed of their fat-shaming. Read More »
Give Dunham A Break
She's not the voice of a generation -- and that's okay! Read More »
Erica Watson Q&A
The actress talks about her on woman show and "Precious." Read More »

I have never watched HBO’s new show “Girls.”  Not because I don’t want to — I’m actually excited to see a new female-centered TV show that allows actresses to play rich and diverse characters.  But unfortunately, the current role I play in real life, that of a struggling comic/actress, does not afford me the opportunity to indulge in the many simple pleasures of life such as HBO. Although I have not seen the show, I have seen and heard much of the praise and criticism the show has garnered — especially around the all-white cast. Keep reading »