Tag Archives: the soapbox

The Soapbox: Let’s Get Real When Discussing Complicated Sexual Experiences

The Soapbox: We Can't Limit Our Vocabulary When Discussing Complicated Sexual Experiences

There’s been a lot of talk lately in the media about sexual violence. Late last month, former CBC Broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi was fired amid allegations of sexual assault. A few weeks ago, Shia LaBeouf came forward with claims that he was raped during an art exhibition. And by now everyone’s heard of the sex abuse allegations first brought against Bill Cosby decades ago, which seem to just keep coming.

Then a little over a week ago, Rolling Stone released an editor’s note that undermined their own investigative account of a brutal gang rape that allegedly took place at a fraternity house at the University of Virginia. It was a move that The Frisky’s Beejoli Shah astutely noted as “just another example of shifting the focus away from the real issue at hand: how we talk about rape, and how hard it is for survivors to come forward.”

As a former sex worker turned sex writer I think it’s good that people are talking about sexual health. It’s unfortunate, however, that we don’t know how to talk about complicated sexual experiences without focusing on two words: consent, and rape. In certain circumstances, I wonder if these aren’t the wrong words. Certainly, they shouldn’t be the only ones. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Railing Against AA Does A Disservice To Those Trying To Get Sober

The Soapbox: Railing Against AA Does A Disservice To Those Trying To Get Sober

This post was originally published on After Party Chat and republished with permission.

We’ve all got at least one Facebook friend who just can’t stand Alcoholics Anonymous and needs to let the world know it every chance that they get. I usually politely ignore them. But the latest anti-AA screed to show up in my newsfeed was too irritating to ignore.

First off, let me start by saying that I’m not a member of AA, lest my opinion be dismissed as coming from a member of “the AA cult.” Have I been to meetings? Yes. Tons of them. Do I attend meetings today? No, I don’t. At one point I attended regularly, and it helped me. At a certain point,  it no longer helped me and so I stopped. Simple as that. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Dissent Belongs In The Classroom

The Soapbox: Dissent Belongs In The Classroom

Driving home with my 16-year-old son this week, I asked him if any of his teachers had led a discussion regarding recent events in Ferguson, Missouri. He told me that it hadn’t come up. I pressed a little bit harder—not in AP US History? Not in sophomore English? Nope. I then asked him why he thought that was and he responded, “Well, Mom, everyone’s viewpoint would be subjective. Like, no one would agree and it could get heated.”  The sun began to set as we neared home and our conversation quieted. I felt heavy of heart—and I can best speak to that pain and worry as a teacher. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Blame Roger Goodell For Ray Rice’s Return To The NFL

Blame Roger Goodell For Ray Rice's Return To The NFL

Ray Rice is now allowed to play football in the NFL should anyone choose to have him. And if you, like me, are wondering where exactly to direct your outrage, look squarely at Commissioner Roger Goodell and the NFL.

For nearly 10 months, we’ve watched Goodell bungle Rice’s suspension and appeal. In August he admitted he “didn’t get it right” when it came to handling the case. On Friday we got to see Goodell fumble the ball again, this time in slow motion, when ex-U.S. District Judge Barbara S. Jones released a scathing 17-page report on how the NFL handled the Rice debacle. In one fell swoop, Jones lifted Rice’s indefinite ban from the NFL and allowed him to sign as a free agent.

According to Jones’ report, when Rice explained to Goodell and the NFL what happened in the elevator of an Atlantic City Casino during his disciplinary hearing in June, he described the scene shown in the security camera video. That video was available to the NFL, they just never asked to see it. Keep reading »

Why Minority Male Oppression Is A Feminist Issue

Why Minority Male Oppression Is A Feminist Issue

I am at odds with feminism and my conflict is a “race issue.”

For White women, defining oneself as feminist is pretty simple. The need to advance a female political agenda — while dismissing male oppression — makes sense in a world where White men maintain the highest position and power. I understand that.

However, as a Black woman, I do not share that same freedom or privilege to so easily align myself with gendered politics. I elaborated on that notion sometime ago in a piece that I wrote about intersectionality. In summary, my existence is plagued by both White patriarchy and racism. Neither of those plights outweigh the other, though both do have their own implications that are divisive and confusing. Therefore, I,  as well as other women of color, am constantly at odds with the struggle against racism and patriarchy. It’s a predicament where I must constantly defend my position as a woman who cares about women’s issues to Black men– and the Black community– who claim that the main political focus of any Black individual should be tackling racism and White supremacy. And, similarly, I must constantly defend myself to White women who expect that women will readily adopt a White feminist agenda that does not account for the particular position that women of color occupy.

This is my statement to both of these demographics: I care not for your acceptance or approval. I stand upon the platform built for me by my foremothers, the Black women who understood the various struggles that plague women of color and the truth that advancement for us cannot be realized without the release of our community — and men — from the shackles of racism. I stand beside Alice Walker, bell hooks, Clenora Hudson-Weems and the myriad of women who understand my struggle and advocate for progress for the Black community. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Let’s Cockblock Julien Blanc & The Other PUA Creeps From Real Social Dynamics

The Soapbox: Let's Cockblock Julien Blanc & The Other PUA Creeps From Real Social Dynamics

Hey losers, I know you have copied my look with the carefully groomed hipster beard and the t-shirt and manufactured rips in my jeans, but you’re not me. You don’t have the balls to be me. You also don’t have what it takes to get as much pussy as I do, so I am going to take that money you earned from your shitty job and teach you how to treat women like dogs who will come begging for some cock. You will never be as good as me, but you can become part of my inner circle for only $360 a year.

You can also attend one of our five-day boot camps for only $2995. Isn’t it worth that amount of money to get fucked by women who are out of your league? Who cares if you are ugly, stupid and boring, you can get laid with our techniques, and as a bonus, we teach you how to get back at all of those whores who rejected you by luring them in. I’m just pimping my game, and I have to take a lot of flak for that from some feminist bitches, but it’s worth it.

This is the pretty much the philosophy for a circle jerk where guys are taught that lying, insulting and abusing women is the way to get inside of their vagina. I’ve just compressed pages and pages of articles, comments and videos such as “God Is On My Side: Intense Self-Amusement Tactics That Will Let You Choke Girls For Fun” by Julien Blanc into the above two paragraphs. Keep reading »

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