Tag Archives: the soapbox

The Soapbox: How To Talk To Girls

Sara BenincasaMay 20, 2013 //
Sexual Heckling
stand up comedian
Comedian loses gig after confronting staff over sexual heckling. Read More »
#IAskedPolitely
i asked politely hashtag
Hashtag gathers stories of asking sexual harassment to stop. Read More »
I Was Sexually Harassed
sexual harassment
... while trying to run errands at my local store. Read More »
how to talk to girls

Dear Gentlemen Of The World:

Hello. My name is Sara Benincasa. Pleased to meet you. I’m an author and a comedian and a human with a vagina, otherwise known as a “lady-person.” I’m about to school you in exactly how to tell a stranger lady that she is great. I’m also going to teach you how not to talk to girls you don’t know.

But first, I’d like to tell you a story. I know, women be talking, am I right? But seriously guys, listen up, for I have knowledge to share. Useful knowledge. Think of my words as tools, and your brain as a box in which to place said tools, and a mutually satisfying encounter as the project you are building with these tools.

Okay then. On to the story. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: It’s Not Just That I Don’t Want Kids, It’s Also That I Don’t Like Them

Chanel DubofskyMay 16, 2013 //
What Not To Say
... to people who don't want kids. Read More »
No Kids For Gloria
Gloria Steinem on Chelsea Lately
Gloria Steinem explains why she never wanted children. Read More »
Women Without Kids
Women writers without kids understand human emotions, too. Read More »
screaming child

Last week, I was in a conversation on Facebook in which I admitted to not liking kids. (My comment: “Real talk: I don’t actually like babies, actually, or children.”) I thought about taking it down as soon as I posted it. An hour later, I was still thinking about taking it down. No one paid much attention to the comment; it’s not really a secret among my friends that I feel this way, although one friend wrote “Yikes,” which I’m still not sure how to respond to. Nevertheless, I felt like I had crossed some serious line. I post everything I write — mostly personal essays that connect to my political beliefs — on social media. As such, this status is definitely not the first time I’ve insulted someone with my beliefs. Yet affirming my dislike of children on Facebook seemed like a whole new level of evil.

But still, I didn’t take the status down. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: I Don’t Want Your Yellow Fever

Kelly KanayamaMay 10, 2013 //
"Seeking Asian Female"
seeking asian female
A new documentary explores the phenomenon of "yellow fever." Read More »
Geisha Outfit
Victoria's Secret sexy little geisha
Victoria Secret offends with "sexy little geisha" outfit. Read More »
Dating While Asian
I'm an Asian woman and I date ... screw it, it's complicated. Read More »
On Hot Asian Dudes
Jeremy Lin photo
Jeremy Lin reveals our weirdness with Asian-American male sexuality. Read More »
yellow fever

As a kid, I was used to standing out for lots of reasons, like my “Star Wars” obsession or the black eyeliner and vampire chic that made up my high school wardrobe.

I never expected my race to be one of those reasons.

I grew up as an Asian-American among Asian-Americans, so I certainly wasn’t used to being viewed as what we English Lit majors call “the exotic other.” Even when I went to college in St. Louis, it wasn’t that much of a problem. I did go on a date with a guy who went on about his trip to Japan and the extreme “femininity” of its women, but that was about it.

It wasn’t until I moved to the UK that it kicked in: men – and it was always men – shouting “NEE HOW MA” or “KOH-NEE-CHEE-WAAAH” or even “Me love you long time!” as I walked down the street; starting conversations with “Soooo … are you from … China?” before they’d even asked my name; playing up their supposed interest in Asian culture while going on about how “feminine” and beautiful Asian women are. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Women Hating “Game Of Thrones”

Amelia McDonell-ParryMay 8, 2013 //
"Game Of Thrones" GIFs...
...react to anti-gay marriage Facebook status updates. Read More »
"Game Of Thrones" Lingo
"Make water," "smallclothes," and other words and phrases from the series. Read More »
Women of Game of Thrones
women of game of thrones
All the strong, powerful women on the show. 10 Photos »

“Game of Thrones” is one of my favorite shows on TV, not just right now, but of all time. I must be some kind of magical unicorn, because by virtue of the fact that I have a vagina — I literally just double-checked and, yep, still packing lady parts — I am supposed to hate “Game of Thrones.” This is according to Thrillist’s Renata Sellitti, who wrote an article about why women “hate” the show and offered advice for how “Game of Thrones”-loving men can entice their girlfriends into watching it with them. It is, as you might expect, the biggest pile of direwolf excrement I’ve seen on the internet this week. I am tempted to print out her article, pull down my smallclothes and make water all over it, that’s how bad it is. I’m breathing wildfire I’m so pissed. As Cersei Lannister would say, if she were a woman of the 21st century, BITCH, PLEASE.

Now, I don’t disagree that there are certainly some women out there who hate “Game of Thrones.” (I just don’t happen to know any of them so they clearly weren’t in Renata’s control group. … She polled a wide variety of women in order to determine that basically all of us hate the show, right? I’m sure she did.) But there are also some women who hate “The Bachelor,” “The Real Housewives” franchise and whatever other female-targeted TV shows likely litter Renata’s DVR queue. (I’m not hating on your boob tube choices, girl, I watch those shows too.) And there are certainly men who hate “Game of Thrones,” possibly even for some of the reasons Sellitti claims women are turned off by the show. Oh, yes, the reasons. Let’s review and refute them, shall we? Keep reading »

The Soapbox: I’m Short, But That Doesn’t Mean You Can Treat Me Like A Child

Mallory SchlossbergMay 6, 2013 //
She Hearts Short Guys
Tall? Then you're not for her! Read More »
Height Differences
These celeb couples have freakish height differences. 13 Photos »
Dealbreaker: Height
He lied about his height. Like really LIED. Read More »
Tall Women/Short Men
Taller Woman And Their Shorter Men
These ladies are way taller than their men. 16 Photos »

I have a specific problem when it comes to dating. I mean, I have many problems (I’m attracted to unavailable guys, ranging from gay men to to fictional characters), but there’s one that has significantly affected me.

I’m short. I’m 4’11”. I’ve been this size since I was about 12 years old. So, NO, to answer the question you were probably wondering and men on dates have actually asked me, I am not a little person. If you take a look at me – either by Googling me or assessing my corporeal being — you can tell that I am of average proportions.

Now, while there are obvious perks to being petite (Saving money by shopping in the children’s sections! Wearing high heels guiltlessly! Getting picked up spontaneously! Wearing a hoodie to a Mexican restaurant and getting a kid’s burrito!), there are some times where I do get the short end of the stick, pun heavily intended. I don’t just mean that I have to weed out all of the shady men who have a petite girl fetish, but something about being a short lady brings out the alpha — or, unfortunately, misogynistic — in some men in a variety of ways. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: You Are Not A Good Guy

Jessica WakemanMay 3, 2013 //
What Is Manhood?
Times Of India respect women newspaper ad
Indian newspaper ad implores men to respect women. Read More »
Dude In A Sexist Society
sexism
On why you can't change sexism in top 10 "hottest women" lists. Read More »
Proving Masculinity
Why owning a gun doesn't make you even more of a man. Read More »
good guy

“It’s unfortunate because he’s a great guy, he just has stupid advisors around him.”

This is Reebok CEO Uli Becker, as tweeted by Footwear News, speaking about the rapper Rick Ross. Amongst Ross’ “great guy” credentials? Rapping in a song by Rocko the following lyrics about drugging and raping a woman: “Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.” When critics decried his rapey lyrics and he got dropped by at least one radio station, Ross called the whole thing a “misinterpretation” because he never said the word “rape.” (Ross also added he wants all the “sexy ladies, the beautiful ladies” to know rape is bad.)  After getting dropped as a Reebok spokesperson, two weeks after the initial kerfluffle, he finally issued an apology, calling rape a “crime” and “wrong.”

I was reminded of Rick Ross just yesterday when I read about Constable Jason Peacock, a veteran Toronto police officer who was found guilty of assaulting his then-girlfriend and damaging her home. On Christmas Eve morning 2010, Peacock showed up unannounced at her place and refused to leave; he punched holes in her walls, smashed glasses, overturned her kitchen island, and shook her hard by the shoulders. In her statement, his then-girlfriend wrote, “There was a period where I thought he was going to kill me.” The judge who sentenced Peacock to 100 community service and $4,300 in restitution fees called the officer “a good man who, but for his involvement with [the ex-girlfriend], led not only an unblemished by exemplary life.”

Or what about the late Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, who was defended by John Thompson, Jr., a former Georgetown coach, as a “good man” who did “something that he maybe would be sorry about.” That “something” that Paterno should “maybe” be sorry about was allowing child rape to happen.

Let me be the first (apparently) to tell you, guys. You are not good men.  Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Too Chunky To Cheer?

Jessica LutherMay 2, 2013 //
Fat News Anchor
Wisconsin news anchor responds to fat shamer's bullying letter. Read More »
"Hippo" Slur
Melissa McCarthy
Asshat movie critic calls Melissa McCarthy a "hippo." Read More »
Too Fat To Tan?
An Ohio tanning salon told this woman she was too fat to tan. Watch »
Open Letter To The Fat Girl
Winona pens an open letter to the fat girl. Read More »
kelsey williams

On April 22, Anna-Megan Raley, under the pseudonym of Claire Crawford, wrote a blog post for CBS Houston titled, “Is This Girl ‘Too Chunky’ To Be An OKC Thunder Cheerleader?” In the post, she spotlighted Kelsey Williams, a three-year veteran of the Thunder Girls, the dance team that performs during the home games of the NBA’s Oklahoma Thunder. Referring to a picture showing Williams in her uniform — a bra-like halter top and short shorts — Raley questioned whether Williams was “bad-looking,” noting she had “pudginess around her waistline.” Although she praised Williams for being “comfortable wearing that tiny little outfit,” she wished the dancer had “a little more on top, if you know what I mean,” and asked readers, “Is this chick ‘too chunky’ to be a cheerleader?” Then the half-assed statement, “We think she’s beautiful,” followed by a poll allowing readers to vote on the options: “She has no business wearing that outfit in front of people” or “She could use some tightening in her midsection.”  Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Just Because I’m Gay Doesn’t Mean That I’m Attracted To You

Shanelle MatthewsApril 29, 2013 //
What Queerness Means
Amanda's queerness includes attraction to men and that's OK. Read More »
First Time: With A Woman
bisexual
Jessica hooked up with a woman for the first time. Read More »
Lesbian For Channing
Channing Tatum
Erika is a lesbian who loves Channing Tatum. Read More »
women at the gym

Moving through the world as someone who identifies as bisexual or queer, I’m always navigating difficult experiences that compartmentalize my sexuality. I’ve been labeled “indecisive” for not being more assertive in which sex I prefer to date. I’ve been called “disgusting” because my desire to date women makes some people uncomfortable or possibly more accurately, question their own sexuality. And, of course, I’ve been told that my experience is a phase that will soon become a distant memory as I evolve into heterosexuality, find the perfect man, marry and become a Quiverfull woman who embraces domesticity and leans away from my career.

But none of these experiences trouble me as much as a recent experience I had in which I, and women like me, were named sexually perverse. The U.S. Supreme Court hearing regarding California’s ban on same-sex marriage has surfaced some polemic debates on the rights of the LGBT communities. In my experience, when opponents to marriage equality aren’t being downright nasty they’re crafting negligently harmful stories that characterize same-sex loving people as menacing. We’ve all heard some of the narratives: “Gay people will convert our children,” “Giving gays the right to marry will compromise the institution of marriage,” “Gay people lack a moral compass which is why they’re okay with being gay,” and “What’s next, sex with animals?” Keep reading »

The Soapbox: The Problem With The Dove Real Beauty Sketches Campaign

Kate FridkisApril 18, 2013 //
Dove Sketches
The Dove Real Beauty Sketches Campaign. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »
Racist Dove Ad
Is this Dove ad racist? Read More »

Don’t get me wrong, I am a sucker for the message “seriously, though, you’re beautiful.” And I agree with the viral clip, so many of us get distracted by all of our perceived flaws. We get caught up in criticizing our appearances and miss out on our own beauty. We are often more generous toward strangers than we are toward ourselves.

I like that the Dove Real Beauty Sketches campaign is pointing all of this out. I hope it starts a bunch of conversations. And I hope that my reaction is interpreted as a continuation of the conversation, rather than nitpicking criticism. Because I really don’t want to nitpick, I just want to point out some things I noticed as I was watching.

In the clip, some lovely, thin, mostly white women who are all pretty young describe their appearances to a forensic artist, who sketches them without looking at them. And then other people describe these women, and the artist starts all over again, based on the new description. At the end, the women are shown the two portraits of themselves, and they can see how differently the sketched faces turned out, based on the descriptions. They realize that they’ve been unnecessarily critical of their appearances. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Ashley Judd And What It Means When We Talk About Gender & Mental Health

Stassa EdwardsApril 13, 2013 //
Senator Judd?
Ashley Judd
Ashley Judd is considering a run for Senator of Kentucky. Read More »
"Hysteria" Hysteria!
"Hysteria" stars Maggie Gyllenhaal in a tale of the invention of the vibrator. Read More »
Celeb Mental Cases
These celebs have talked about their mental issues. 8 Photos »

This piece was cross-posted with permission from the Ms. Magazine Blog. 

On Tuesday, Mother Jones released an audio recording of Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) speaking with members of his reelection staff. Much of the conversation focused on actor Ashley Judd, who, until recently, was rumored to be mulling a run against the current Senate GOP leader. For the most part, the recording is typical opposition research. An aide rehearses Judd’s public politics: She loves Obamacare, is pro-gay marriage and self-identifies as a feminist.

None of this, of course, is much of a surprise — Judd campaigned for President Obama and has spoken publicly on behalf of NARAL Pro-Choice America. More disconcerting than the rehashing of Judd’s political ideology, however, is when the discussion veers from policy to Judd’s reproductive choices and then quickly to her mental health. Keep reading »

  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. 3
  5. 4
  6. 5
  7. 6
  8. ...
  9. NEXT >
  10. ...
  11. »