It is the winter of Natalie Portman. She is pregnant, engaged, and the talk of the town for her goosebump-inducing performance in “Black Swan.” On top of all that, Ms. Portman has three movies that are about to be released. But unfortunately, it looks like they’ll take her one step forward, and two steps back. After the jump, the previews.
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A long time ago, I dated this guy who was a celebrity. He had his own TV show. You probably know who he is. But let’s not go there, shall we? At the end of our first date, he took me to his house in the Hollywood Hills. When I walked in the door, I found there were four life-sized, anatomically correct sex dolls sitting around on the furniture. They were RealDolls. They cost several thousand dollars a piece. Some of them were dressed. Some of them were not. It was kind of awkward. While he went in the kitchen to get a beer, I sat next to one of the dolls. She was cold and clammy. I pulled at her tongue, and it came out in my hand. I wondered what he saw in them. Ultimately, our relationship was short-lived. Maybe he preferred inanimate objects to me. Today, after I read this report about a sex doll who was thrown away by the side of the road, I wondered whatever happened to those love dolls. Keep reading »
I’ve had a lot of practice at telling women that their boyfriends are cheating on them with me.
Sometimes it feels as if I’m a military representative knocking on the door of a newly widowed army wife. “Hello, my name is Lena. You don’t know me but I’m a friend of your husband’s. There’s something I have to tell you. You might want to sit down for this.” And then without me having to even say a word, she can already surmise that something is terribly wrong. The man she loves is dead, or at least, her relationship is. Keep reading »
Some people attract commitment-phobes. Others attract loveaholics. I, on the other hand, attract a mutant combination of both: taken men who keep on looking. At first I thought this was merely a bad luck streak. But after being hit on, pursued by, or inadvertently involved with seven attached men in half a yearâ€™s time, I have determined that infidelity is not just something in the air. This is cosmic revenge.
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