Last night, The Bach said sayonara to Marshanna, opting out of meeting the bachelorette’s Brooklyn-based family in favor of Noelle (the red-head), Shayne (Lorenzo Lamas’ bleached blond daughter), Chelsea (“the best friend”-type), and some brown haired girl we swear we’ve never noticed before. Robin, the girl everyone hated, also got dissed last night, but we were glad to see her go. Right now, our gut says this is a dead heat between Noelle and Chelsea — Amanda isn’t memorable and Shayne is the kind of girl The Bach wants to have wild sex with, not bring home to his mummy. Still, I commend the person on YouTube who put together this montage of Matt and Shayne’s best moments (appropriately, the dialogue is masked by the song “Always”). Almost brought a lil’ tear to my eye. [ABC: The Bachelor] Keep reading »
Well, Kelly, it’s been fun. We’re going to miss the hard-partying and lack of interest in The Bachelor. Kelly seems to have forgotten what the premise of the show is — fight for The Bach, bitches, even though you won’t end up with jack in the end — because she said in one of her little tete-a-tetes with the camera that she wasn’t going to be one of those women who just sits there and says “Pick me Matt!” And he didn’t! But that was after she busted open her top for him and showed off her rather ample decolletage, swaddled in a bejeweled bra. Damn, I loved Kelly. I always loved the bachelorettes that just don’t give a crap and only came for the free champagne. When is one of them going to win?
Only seven women remain! Marshana (!!!), Amanda R., Robin, Shayne, Noelle, Denise, and Chelsea. Who will get drunk, show off their ta-tas, and be eliminated next week? [ABC: The Bachelor] Keep reading »
What a great episode of The Bach last night. So many of my favorite props! A spray tan machine, a bubble bath in a jacuzzi, bizarre hiccup-like noises…really, what more could you ask for? I’m just going to go through the highlights, because I realized the reason why we watch this show is not because we’re particularly invested in who gets the final rose, but more in the entertainment value the bachelorettes bring to the table for as long as they’re around. My favorite part of the episode was when Amanda, one of The Bach’s faves, got a case of “the meeps”, a high-pitched hiccup-esque sound that eeks out of her whenever she’s nervous or stressed. What I didn’t get is how the other bachelorettes managed to keep a straight face. I wonder during what other awkward moments she gets the meeps…at the gyno? When she gets pulled over for speeding? During a high-stakes poker game? The meeps are totally Amanda’s tell. Keep reading »
TMZ.com is claiming that Bachelor Matt isn’t really doing the show to find true love. Now, I’m not exactly gullible about the true motives of reality TV show contestants, but this particular Bach really was winning me over — probably because of the accent (and because he’s the lone Bachelor in history to keep a woman of color around longer than the first friggin’ round). Anyway, TMZ claims that Matt recently met one of their reporters at a bar and that he told her he wants to move to the U.S. and that his lawyer told him the easiest way would be to marry an American. So is Matt only on The Bachelor to meet an American, marry her, and get his green card? Hello, Gerard Depardieu. Anyway, if this was his plan, I think he should have kept Stacey and her panties around a lil’ longer. She probably doesn’t even know you need a green card to move to the U.S. as a non-citizen. [TMZ] Keep reading »
“I like blackjack, but I think what I’m really going to be gambling with today is my heart.” That’s a quote from one of our brilliantly poetic Bachelorettes, who got to head to the casino in hopes of winning some money, not to mention The Bach’s attention. But first, half the crew went on a date where they were surprised that they were going to be walking in a fashion show! Of course, The Bach is totally not only interested in looks alone, so he vows to give the special rose to the girl who “really went for it” during the show. Marshana (the Token Black Woman) thinks she has an edge because she’s won beauty pageants, while Noelle modeled in high school — I instantly kind of like Noelle because she indicates she didn’t really like modeling and that scores you points in my book. The rest of the girls are not to be dissuaded! Holly moonwalks! Kristine pulls her top off to reveal a gold bikini! Amanda juggles! Just kidding. After the whole runway fiasco, Matt takes the ladies to a penthouse for some champagne and various one-on-one time. A couple of the chicks sing. It’s painful. Marshana asks The Bach for his feelings on interracial dating and he assures her that it isn’t an issue (we’ll see if she makes it past the next elimination!). In the end he gives Ashlee, the “singer-songwriter” that squeezed a smooch of him, the single rose and she brags her face off about it, much to the other green-eyed ladies chagrin.
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This is how devoted I am to The Frisky — I am actually going to watch the bajillionth season of The Bachelor and recap each week’s totally painful episode. Just kidding! Seriously, I’m psyched, I love “The Bach” — what an effing trainwreck. This season, the big man is a British moneybags named Matt Grant and I must admit, unlike the last few dorks they’ve had on the show, he’s kind of hot and seems pretty smart and dapper and jolly (you know, British). Obviously, the dude is just trying to get my hopes up that he’ll actually pick the smart, interesting, funny girl in the end, not the bimbo, but I think we all know he’ll probs let me down. Keep reading »