Tag Archives: the bachelor

Romance On TV: The Bach Proposes To His Monkey

No, seriously, that’s what Matt, The Bachelor, calls Shayne. Do I suck for thinking that’s kind of cute? Anyway, for once in the entire history of The Bach, I was actually surprised by the finale. Chelsea is the kind of girl who ALWAYS wins this show — the sweet, best friend-type with whom the Bach has a slow build to romance. As much as I was rooting for her, I wasn’t expecting my beloved Shayne to win. But she did! I have no clue whether she and Matt can actually make this relationship last, but I really am kind of psyched Shayne won. She was more than meets the eye that one, which is a lot to expect from the daughter of Lorenzo Lamas. Keep reading »

Star Couplings: Angelina’s Uterus Ruins Our Future Love Life

  • According to Star, Angelina is having twin girls, There goes our hopes for our future second husband. [Dlisted]
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    Romance On TV: The Bachelor’s Women Tell All

    Let me assure you, 99.9% of the reason I watch The Bachelor is for the pre-season finale episode, “The Women Tell All”. Undoubtedly, the batsh*t crazy ones have already been sent packing and make the return on this most glorious of episodes, and this season was no exception. Stacy was back! But she wasn’t as proud of her moments of glory as we thought she should be — you mean, she was actually sorry for saying she would kill all the other bachelorettes AND their families to get to Matt? You mean she understands giving The Bach her panties wasn’t a good idea? Boring! My favorite part of the show was the montage of Marshanna. I forgot she showed up the first day in a sari. Bitch was awesome. Keep reading »

    Romance On TV: Shayne Teaches The Bachelor How To Movie Kiss

    Last night The Bach took the remaining three women to Barbados for individual dates and time in the “Fantasy Suite”. Chances are, they all probably has sex with him, but in the end, Blahmanda wasn’t good enough and was sent packing. KNEW IT! Shayne and Chelsea remain. I suspect that the Bach really loves Chelsea because he keeps putting up with her reserved crap, but I’m still hoping Shayne pulls out the win. In the clip above, “actress” Shayne shows Matt how kissing is done in the movies. [ABC: The Bachelor] Keep reading »

    Romance On TV: The Bach Meets Shayne’s Heavily Made-Up Mom

    Bachelor Matt met the fams last night, and while most of the parents were totally boring, Shayne’s parents were priceless. Of course, her father is Lorenzo Lamas (I wonder how Shayne would rate on Lamas’ show Are You Hot?), but his meet and greet with The Bach wasn’t as awesome as I expected. But luckily, Shayne’s mom, Michelle, was as wonderful as I could have dreamed. Shauna Sand (another Lamas ex), behold YOUR FUTURE.

    At the end of the episode, Noelle got the boot and only Shayne, Chelsea, and Blah-manda (my nickname for Amanda) remain. I’m sorry, I am rooting for Shayne. I can’t help it! She seems shockingly bright and sincere. [ABC: The Bachelor] Keep reading »

    Romance On TV: Nice Knowing You Marshanna!

    Last night, The Bach said sayonara to Marshanna, opting out of meeting the bachelorette’s Brooklyn-based family in favor of Noelle (the red-head), Shayne (Lorenzo Lamas’ bleached blond daughter), Chelsea (“the best friend”-type), and some brown haired girl we swear we’ve never noticed before. Robin, the girl everyone hated, also got dissed last night, but we were glad to see her go. Right now, our gut says this is a dead heat between Noelle and Chelsea — Amanda isn’t memorable and Shayne is the kind of girl The Bach wants to have wild sex with, not bring home to his mummy. Still, I commend the person on YouTube who put together this montage of Matt and Shayne’s best moments (appropriately, the dialogue is masked by the song “Always”). Almost brought a lil’ tear to my eye. [ABC: The Bachelor] Keep reading »

    Romance On TV: Kelly Exposes Herself, Then Says Goodbye To The Bach

    Well, Kelly, it’s been fun. We’re going to miss the hard-partying and lack of interest in The Bachelor. Kelly seems to have forgotten what the premise of the show is — fight for The Bach, bitches, even though you won’t end up with jack in the end — because she said in one of her little tete-a-tetes with the camera that she wasn’t going to be one of those women who just sits there and says “Pick me Matt!” And he didn’t! But that was after she busted open her top for him and showed off her rather ample decolletage, swaddled in a bejeweled bra. Damn, I loved Kelly. I always loved the bachelorettes that just don’t give a crap and only came for the free champagne. When is one of them going to win?

    Only seven women remain! Marshana (!!!), Amanda R., Robin, Shayne, Noelle, Denise, and Chelsea. Who will get drunk, show off their ta-tas, and be eliminated next week? [ABC: The Bachelor] Keep reading »

    Romance On TV: A Bachelorette Gets The Meeps

    What a great episode of The Bach last night. So many of my favorite props! A spray tan machine, a bubble bath in a jacuzzi, bizarre hiccup-like noises…really, what more could you ask for? I’m just going to go through the highlights, because I realized the reason why we watch this show is not because we’re particularly invested in who gets the final rose, but more in the entertainment value the bachelorettes bring to the table for as long as they’re around. My favorite part of the episode was when Amanda, one of The Bach’s faves, got a case of “the meeps”, a high-pitched hiccup-esque sound that eeks out of her whenever she’s nervous or stressed. What I didn’t get is how the other bachelorettes managed to keep a straight face. I wonder during what other awkward moments she gets the meeps…at the gyno? When she gets pulled over for speeding? During a high-stakes poker game? The meeps are totally Amanda’s tell. Keep reading »

    Romance On TV: Questioning The Bach’s Motives

    TMZ.com is claiming that Bachelor Matt isn’t really doing the show to find true love. Now, I’m not exactly gullible about the true motives of reality TV show contestants, but this particular Bach really was winning me over — probably because of the accent (and because he’s the lone Bachelor in history to keep a woman of color around longer than the first friggin’ round). Anyway, TMZ claims that Matt recently met one of their reporters at a bar and that he told her he wants to move to the U.S. and that his lawyer told him the easiest way would be to marry an American. So is Matt only on The Bachelor to meet an American, marry her, and get his green card? Hello, Gerard Depardieu. Anyway, if this was his plan, I think he should have kept Stacey and her panties around a lil’ longer. She probably doesn’t even know you need a green card to move to the U.S. as a non-citizen. [TMZ] Keep reading »

    Romance On TV: The Ladies Gamble On The Bachelor

    “I like blackjack, but I think what I’m really going to be gambling with today is my heart.” That’s a quote from one of our brilliantly poetic Bachelorettes, who got to head to the casino in hopes of winning some money, not to mention The Bach’s attention. But first, half the crew went on a date where they were surprised that they were going to be walking in a fashion show! Of course, The Bach is totally not only interested in looks alone, so he vows to give the special rose to the girl who “really went for it” during the show. Marshana (the Token Black Woman) thinks she has an edge because she’s won beauty pageants, while Noelle modeled in high school — I instantly kind of like Noelle because she indicates she didn’t really like modeling and that scores you points in my book. The rest of the girls are not to be dissuaded! Holly moonwalks! Kristine pulls her top off to reveal a gold bikini! Amanda juggles! Just kidding. After the whole runway fiasco, Matt takes the ladies to a penthouse for some champagne and various one-on-one time. A couple of the chicks sing. It’s painful. Marshana asks The Bach for his feelings on interracial dating and he assures her that it isn’t an issue (we’ll see if she makes it past the next elimination!). In the end he gives Ashlee, the “singer-songwriter” that squeezed a smooch of him, the single rose and she brags her face off about it, much to the other green-eyed ladies chagrin.

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