Tag Archives: the bachelor

An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 4! My Worst Nightmare!)

An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 4! My Worst Nightmare!)

Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.

A lot happened on last night’s episode of “The Bachelor,” with both Ashleys doing crazy weirdo Ashleys everywhere PROUD (I’ll never forget you, Ashley S.); Jillian and her enormous biceps and alleged ass hair getting the boot amongst a slew of vaguely transphobic references to her being a duuuuude; and uptight, prissy widow Kelsey slut-shaming the women for wearing bikinis. But the low moment in the show came when Farmer Chris’s sisters chose Jade — WHO? — to go on a Cinderella fantasy date, complete with a gownnnnnn and jeweeeeelry and an empty ballllllrooooooooooom and so much awkwardness. Seriously, if I got chosen for this date, I would have declined. As you can see, it is my worst nightmare.

“SNL” Flawlessly Spoofs “The Bachelor” With Blake Shelton’s “Farm Hunk”

"SNL" Flawlessly Spoofs "The Bachelor" With Blake Shelton's "Farm Hunk"
"Can I steal him for a second?"

Never seen an episode of “The Bachelor”? It’s pretty much exactly like this. [NBC]

An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 3! By The Numbers!)

Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.

On last night’s episode of “The Bachelor” — which was crashed by Jimmy Kimmel — so much happened (read: nothing really happened), I decided to break things down by the numbers. Speaking of numbers, show of hands for everyone who heard Amber say, “I don’t want  something warm and salty in my mouth” and immediately thought, Is she talking about goat milk or semen?” <RAISES HAND> Also, this episode needed way more Ashley S. Thank god she got a rose!

An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 2! WTF Is Wrong With Ashley S?)

An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 2! WTF Is Wrong With Ashley S?)

Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.

On last night’s episode, the crazies came out to play, but no one brought it harder than Brooklyn (represent!) hairstylist Ashley S. Best of all, despite — or because of — her television worthy antics, she scored a rose!

An Infographic Guide To “The Bachelor” (Week 1! Meet The Ladiesssssss!)

Click to see enlarged image!

Every Monday, I’ll be livetweeting a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on both my personal (@xoamelia) and The Frisky’s Twitter accounts, giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. Every Tuesday, I will be recapping the show with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.  Above, my first impressions of “the girls.”

New “Bachelor” Promo Is Both Weird And Kinda Creepy

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New "Bachelor" Promo Is Both Weird And Kinda Creepy
Jeepers Creepers 3: By "Creepers" We Mean Ladies
  • This new “Bachelor” promo — featuring Hot Boring Farmer Chris — is seriously weird and creepy. Cornstalks! Whispering! In women’s voices! WHY? Was this directed by M. Night Shyamalan?
  • Oh thank god, Chad Kroeger says that rumors that he and Avril Lavigne have split are not true. Chavril LIVES. [People]
  • Hair company Redken has hired transgender model Lea T as a spokesmodel. Rad! [People]
  • Hitman charges against AC/DC’s Phil Rudd have been dropped. [Us Weekly] Keep reading »
  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

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