Sometimes it’s not what is said that’s funny but the reaction to what is said that brings on the LOLs. Take for example the subtle interaction between actress Sofia Vergara, from the new comedy “Modern Family,” and Whoopi Goldberg on today’s episode of “The View.” When the ladies mention that very young-looking Vergara has an 18-year-old son, she jokes that she had her kid when she was 13. “I was raped,” she giggles. Everyone else pretty much ignores her bad joke, but Whoopi’s face is priceless. Later in the interview, Vergara laments that since her son is going to college, she’ll be all alone for the first time in her life. “I need a man!” she exclaims. After watching Whoopi’s reaction to that line, something tells me she’s going to be enjoying a stiff martini with her lunch today.

Clearly, “The View” host Elisabeth Hasselbeck never saw the episode of “Seinfeld” where Elaine sent a Christmas card with an accidental nip slip to everyone she knew, prompting the famous line, “Your whole life, you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and BOOM, suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it.” If so, she would have known to check the pic she took of baby Isaiah with her iPhone right after he was born. Of course, the kid was smiling from ear to ear in the shot—because mommy’s nipple was in full view. She sent the pic out as a birth announcement to a whole slew of her closest friends and family. Oops! Watch the clip of Elisabeth sharing her embarrassing tale. [PopEater]

Today on “The View,” the women discussed how the Navy is considering letting women serve on submarines for the first time. Whoopi, Sherri, Joy, and guest co-host Kara DioGuardi got into a heated debate about whether they’d be concerned about a significant other living on a submarine for 90 days in veryclose quarters with members of the opposite sex (lots of brushing up against one another as people pass in the narrow hallways). Is it a question of trust, or does it go beyond that?

Khloe Kardashian co-hosted “The View” this morning and, sadly, was not her usual firecracker self. Please don’t let marriage dull this bitch down! Anyway, Khloe showed off the BOULDER her new husband Lamar Odom gave her when he proposed, and Sherri nearly wet herself. Honestly, 9 carats? That is just too big. What are you trying to prove with a diamond as big as that. It’s tacky. Also, isn’t her finger tired from carrying around all that weight?

Today on “The View,” the ladies discussed “Good Hair,” a documentary by Chris Rock. Whoopi Goldberg made the startling revelation that black women don’t straighten their hair because they want to be white, but because they want manageable hair. “It’s less about the larger culture and more about ‘I don’t want to fuss with my hair,” she said. But that’s only half the story. Nowadays, we realize that beauty can come in different forms, but we can’t ignore the beauty ideals that are presented to us on a daily basis in magazines, TV, and the web. Silky, non-coarse hair is the standard. Whoopi alludes to this but ultimately skirts over it when she says that in beauty school she was taught to do everyone’s hair but black people’s.

Post-failed engagement, I’m not sure how into the idea of marriage I am. I think it’s great for other people and maybe I’ll really want to get married eventually, but for now, I don’t really see it as the end-all, be-all of my romantic future. That said, I’m all about commitment and monogamy, just without a legal document decreeing it so. But according to a conversation on “The View” this morning, this kind of commitment—the wedding band-less kind—is not as serious. The gals were talking about David Letterman of course, and Whoopi kept exclaiming that during the time that Letterman was schtooping his staff, he may have been with Regina Lasko for nearly 20 years, but he hadn’t married her yet. And based on all the clatter Whoopi has heard around the Hot Topics table over the years, that made his cheating not as bad. I think that’s ridiculous.

Spencer Pratt has been running his mouth for the past few weeks, saying he’s avoiding having sex with his wife because he’s afraid she’ll get pregnant. Well, that wife, Heidi Montag, filled in for Elisabeth Hasselbeck as the token blond conservative on “The View” today and she explained oh so much more. Apparently, it’s not that Spencer isn’t ready for kids now—it’s that he doesn’t want them at all, period. (Likely because a real baby would divert Heidi’s attention away from her man baby.) Um, isn’t this something to discuss in depth before you walk down the aisle, especially if you want three or four kids like Heidi? Not that I’m in favor of these two procreating. At all. Ever. Clip above! [The View]

We’ve already posted about Roman Polanski being arrested this weekend for that decades-old “sex with a minor” conviction, but after watching the ladies of “The View” argue over the issue this morning, I felt compelled to write more. For starters, in the clip above, Whoopi Goldberg, who I never expected to be a rape apologist, coins a term I’ve never heard before—“rape-rape.” Apparently “rape-rape” is NOT when you drug a 13-year-old girl with alcohol and a Quaalude and then have anal sex with her. That’s something else that’s, apparently, not as bad. WTF?

I wasn’t so interested in watching the first episode of Jay Leno’s new prime-time show last night, until I heard that Kanye West was appearing, to talk about the Taylor Swift Debacle of 2009. And I gotta say, after a lame apology on his website yesterday, Kanye seemed really sincere, at least partly because Jay took a pot shot and asked Kanye what his mom would say. After a long pause, and maybe a moment of almost crying, Kanye said, “I deal with hurt. So many celebrities, they never take the time off and I’ve never the taken the time off—it’s music after music and tour after tour. And I’m just ashamed that my hurt caused someone else’s hurt. I don’t try to justify it, because I was in the wrong. But I need to, after this, take some time off and analyze how I’m gonna make it through the rest of my life.”

Then this morning, Taylor Swift appeared on “The View.” See her after the jump.

As if having Meghan McCain and La Toya Jackson co-host “The View” during Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s absence weren’t enough, Kate Gosselin will join Barbara, Sherri, Joy, and Whoopi at the Hot Topics table Sept. 14 and 15. While a little controversy never hurts (and usually helps), we can’t imagine what the reality star will bring to the table. We’re betting she’ll use it as another opportunity to convince the American people that we should be on her side. [The View]

Who else is sad that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is taking the next few months off from “The View” for maternity leave? (She had her third child this month.) I am, mainly because Lizzie helps instigate some of the show’s most entertaining brawls, and it wouldn’t be fair to expect Sherri Shepherd to up the crazy in her absence. Thank goodness “View” producers have hired Meghan McCain to cover for Hasselbeck. She’s going to do a three-day guest spot starting September 9. Also on board is former Fox News anchor E.D. Hill, who called Barack and Michelle Obama’s infamous fist bump a “terrorist fist jab.” Wait, should Hasselbeck be worried that “The View” might find a permanent replacement? [Huffington Post]

Sherri Shepherd has been working toward a swimsuit body since May, which included getting her first Brazilian, and today she strutted her stuff on live TV. Besides working with a nutritionist, a trainer, and an endocrinologist, Sherri tried on more than 300 suits until she found the one she wore. Personally, I like the one she’s wearing in this week’s People better, but I don’t think I could ever go on TV in a swimsuit, so who am I to judge her style choices. And is it just me, or does it look like she’s wearing pantyhose, the way the majorettes did in high school?

Brave, brave Sheri Shepherd shows us how hilarious a bikini wax can truly be. Not only do you feel her pain, but you feel so wrong for laughing at it. First of all, I’m surprised she was not told in advance, or even worse that she didn’t ask what kind of wax she was getting. It only adds to the tragic situation. I’d say it’s a nice break from the sporadic morning cat fights on “The View.”  Cringe, laugh, cry, and enjoy.

Barbara Walters is having a very educational week. Sexually, we mean. Last week Margaret Cho visited “The View” and gave Barbara a lesson on the G-spot. Then, over the weekend, Barbara saw “Bruno” and learned more than she cared to about anal and giving oral sex. I saw “Bruno” this weekend as well and was shocked to see a man in his, I swear, 90’s, sitting front row and center. I was concerned he would have a heart attack. Anyhoo, check out Babs’ disgust in the clip above. [via Jezebel]

Oh, joy! Margaret Cho visited “The View” this morning and dished all about how she cannot have an orgasm from intercourse, so she hightailed it to her doctor’s office to get a bead of collagen injected into her G-spot.

The G-spot shot didn’t work at all, unforch. But I’ll give you one guess as to what still does make Cho come! (Even pregnant and prudish Elisabeth Hasselbeck cracks a smile.) [via Jezebel]

Lauren Conrad was on “The View” this morning to promote her “novel,” L.A. Candy (we’re going to a “reading” tonight!). The interview was pretty awkward and the ladies spent about, oh, six seconds discussing the book, after they peppered L.C. with questions about Heidi and Spencer. The greatest revelation? You know that little “apology” Spencer delivered to Lauren, over the phone, in order to get her to come to the wedding? Never happened. See the clip above…

On yesterday’s episode of “The View,” Elisabeth Hasselbeck responded to the Playboy.com article written by Guy Cimbalo that listed her as one of the conservative women he’d like to “hate f**k.” I don’t blame her for being offended—I would pitch a fit if, say, Rush Limbaugh said he wanted to hate f**k me—but her annoyance that the National Organization for Women didn’t immediately respond (in fact, they didn’t know) is misplaced. After all, they have bigger fish to fry right now, like the murder of doctors like Dr. George Tiller.

“The only thing better than breaking up is going on ‘The View’ right after you break up,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.  Yet that’s exactly what the poor schmuck did after his split with on-again, off-again girlfriend Sarah Silverman. The tough love ladies goaded Jimmy since he canceled his last appearance on the show because he had just broken up with Silverman and yet, here he was again, in the same tough spot.  Although he was willing to brave their views on live television this time, perhaps it’s just because he feels totally defeated by women—even while dressed as one (see above clip).  Doesn’t Jimmy Kimmel in drag look like he could be Rosie O’Donnell’s sister? [Huffington Post]

Our beloved Rachel Maddow was on “The View” yesterday morning, dishing the news with the gals, and managed to not give Elisabeth Hasselbeck any dirty looks. Our fave part of the interview is when she talks about how meeting her partner, Susan, was a lot like “Desperate Housewives.” Clip above!