Tag Archives: the onion

How To Get A Guy’s Attention During Sex (NSFW)

Ami AngelowiczApril 13, 2011 //


The Onion’s sex guru, Rebeccah Rachel, delivers some amazing tips about how to keep a guy’s attention while he’s thrusting his erection at you. The accessory wall is a genius idea, as is throwing a ball at him in mid-pump. I’m surprised that Cosmo didn’t think of these tips first. But the best piece of advice she gives is to be yourself. A man loves blowing his load into a confident woman. I can’t wait to read her book. [The Onion] Keep reading »

Because That’s What Ladies Be Talking About

Jessica WakemanDecember 17, 2010 //

The Onion magazine satire of “10 Most Powerful Women” articles might be a joke, but frankly this cover speaks for many profiles about Hillary Clinton or Condoleezza Rice. The article in Vogue about Hillary’s makeup regimen comes to mind. Ugh, I’d forgotten about that. [The Onion via Feministing] Keep reading »

Don’t Hide Your Fat, Thrust It!

Ami AngelowiczSeptember 8, 2010 //



No more diets or exercise! The Onion has come up with a way to combat unwanted body fat. You can just adjust your blubber into a more appealing shape. I love the idea of smushing my fat into a back hump and hiding it with a down coat. I think I’ll try that out tomorrow. Should be sexy. [The Onion] Keep reading »

What’s So Funny About Gwyneth Paltrow Getting Punched In The Face?

Jessica WakemanApril 21, 2010 //

I have a sense of humor. I really do. I even defended evil, bad, un-feminist Tina Fey when she hosted “Saturday Night Live” recently. But, sorry Onion News Network, I don’t crack a smile at this fake news clip, “Iron Man 2 Buzz Heats Up Over Rumors Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Punched In Face.” What, exactly, is funny about the idea of Gwyneth Paltrow getting punched in the face? Keep reading »

New (Fake) Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don’t Love Each Other

Amelia McDonell-ParryFebruary 16, 2010 //


You know what has never made sense to me? That gay people who love each other can’t get married, but two straight people who detest each other can. I mean, if anything should be banned, it’s marriage between two dolts who can’t stand each other, right? This news spoof from The Onion hilariously imagines how people would react if such a law were proposed. Keep reading »

Onion Spoof: Law Makes Woman Name Baby, Paint Nursery Before Getting An Abortion

Jessica WakemanJanuary 15, 2010 //


This Onion News Network spoof is amazing: a bunch of talking heads discuss a fake Arkansas law requiring a woman to pick a baby name and paint her nursery either pink or blue before having an abortion. Maybe she should have to sit in the nursery for an hour each day and look at baby booties, too!

Don’t watch unless your sense of humor this morning is pretty dry … [The Onion] Keep reading »

Joe Biden Criticized For Overtly Sexual Hennessy Ads, Kinda

adminJanuary 14, 2010 //


It truly hurts how painfully awesome The Onion continues to be, and their spoof videos are even better than their articles since they require the reporters to keep a straight face while delivering the news. In this week’s spoof, Vice President Joe Biden got a lot of crap for starring in sexy Hennessy ads. According to a faux Hennessy spokesman, “Biden’s sly trademark grin and international playboy status made him the perfect face for the luxury brand.” Word. I think it’s about time Joe “Silver Fox” Biden gets a little attention; Obama isn’t the only hottie in Washington D.C.! [The Onion]
Keep reading »

Last-Minute Halloween Task! Find A Masculine Costume For Your Effeminate Son

Jessica WakemanOctober 30, 2009 //


We were so focused on the crappy Cyrus parents who let their 9-year-old daughter out of the house dressed like a sexy witch in dominatrix boots, we forgot about scads of other crappy American parents who fret about their sons playing dress-up on Halloween. Oh, The Onion, you crack us up! Keep reading »

Get REALLY Skinny For Bikini Season!

Amelia McDonell-ParryMay 29, 2008 //

Thank goodness for The Onion. I was really tearing my hair out about how to lose the extra 50 lbs I’m carrying around my mid-section before putting on a bikini this summer, but now I know chewing on pencils when I’m hungry is the answer! [The Onion] Keep reading »

The Orgy & The Onion

SimchaMay 5, 2008 //

Every guy dreams of having a threesome with two women. While we would argue one is too much for some men to satisfy, two seems ambitious for anyone. That said, a ménage à trois sounds irresistibly sexy, as most things do in French. Spelling the damn thing may be hard, but getting it together may pose an even more difficult multitasking brainteaser. But it’s no match for the consistently hilarious fake news free paper, The Onion. They’ve done it again in this audio clip in which they spoof news radio and reveal the fantasy to be not-so-fulfilling. Keep reading »

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