You know what has never made sense to me? That gay people who love each other can’t get married, but two straight people who detest each other can. I mean, if anything should be banned, it’s marriage between two dolts who can’t stand each other, right? This news spoof from The Onion hilariously imagines how people would react if such a law were proposed.

This Onion News Network spoof is amazing: a bunch of talking heads discuss a fake Arkansas law requiring a woman to pick a baby name and paint her nursery either pink or blue before having an abortion. Maybe she should have to sit in the nursery for an hour each day and look at baby booties, too!

Don’t watch unless your sense of humor this morning is pretty dry ... [The Onion]

It truly hurts how painfully awesome The Onion continues to be, and their spoof videos are even better than their articles since they require the reporters to keep a straight face while delivering the news. In this week’s spoof, Vice President Joe Biden got a lot of crap for starring in sexy Hennessy ads. According to a faux Hennessy spokesman, “Biden’s sly trademark grin and international playboy status made him the perfect face for the luxury brand.” Word. I think it’s about time Joe “Silver Fox” Biden gets a little attention; Obama isn’t the only hottie in Washington D.C.! [The Onion]

We were so focused on the crappy Cyrus parents who let their 9-year-old daughter out of the house dressed like a sexy witch in dominatrix boots, we forgot about scads of other crappy American parents who fret about their sons playing dress-up on Halloween. Oh, The Onion, you crack us up!

Thank goodness for The Onion. I was really tearing my hair out about how to lose the extra 50 lbs I’m carrying around my mid-section before putting on a bikini this summer, but now I know chewing on pencils when I’m hungry is the answer! [The Onion]

Every guy dreams of having a threesome with two women. While we would argue one is too much for some men to satisfy, two seems ambitious for anyone. That said, a ménage à trois sounds irresistibly sexy, as most things do in French.  Spelling the damn thing may be hard, but getting it together may pose an even more difficult multitasking brainteaser. But it’s no match for the consistently hilarious fake news free paper, The Onion.  They’ve done it again in this audio clip in which they spoof news radio and reveal the fantasy to be not-so-fulfilling.

What’s especially genius about The Onion‘s mock-up of “Plan C,” the Morning After the Morning After Pill, is that we’re not entirely sure that the anti-choice movement isn’t looking to create something similar. Anyway, hypothetical question: Would the Morning After Pill work if you took it after the Morning After the Morning After Pill? [The Onion]