There’s a hot new girl group out of Scranton, PA, that’s inspired by “Rihanna, Katy Perry, J.Hud, and all the Kardashians,” and they might surpass all these influences if the rest of their music is anything like this first single. “The Office” characters Kelly Kapoor (Mindy Kaling) and Erin Hannon (Ellie Kemper) are Subtle Sexuality, and the video for their debut song, “Male Prima Donna,” is out—and it’s awesome. Listen only if you want lines like “If you ever leave me again/I’ll down a bottle of baby aspirin” and “You’re cute but you think you’re blazin’ hot/You’re short but you think you’re not” stuck in your head for the rest of the day. The only thing hotter than this song is Kelly and Erin dancing around Dunder Mifflin’s warehouse in pirate outfits. [Subtle Sexuality]

OK, SPOILER: If you haven’t watched last night’s special episode of “The Office” yet where Jim and Pam get married, you may not want to watch this clip or read the rest of this post. Although, seriously, if you were such a big fan, wouldn’t you have found a way to watch the show by now? Anyway, in what might have been the best fictional wedding ever, Jim and Pam’s guests re-enacted the infamous JK wedding dance that became a YouTube sensation earlier this summer. No worries for the happy couple, though, who managed to sneak away an hour before the ceremony and marry in a very secret, very private wedding aboard the Maid of the Mist (and if you happen to get a little misty watching, well, you’re only human). Clip above. [via BuzzFeed]

Remember last season, when Pam and Jim didn’t psych any of us out as they planned to sneak out and elope while their coworkers were dancing in “The Office” disco closet? They got halfway to the door when they decided to set a date and presumably print it on Dunder Mifflin paper invitations. Well, now there’s a website devoted to their big day. And yes, it includes an awkward engagement photo. I was elated by the site’s homepage, squealing as I skimmed my mouse over the (mostly stock) photos, looking for clickable hypertext. Then, finally, I sighed, as most of the tabs simply advised that information will be coming soon. Hurry up and post your registry items, Pam and Jim. I want to send you the gravy boat of your dreams! [HalpertBeesly.com]

Apparently, some folks over at Etsy are as big of fans of “The Office” as we are. (Did you see the season premiere on Thursday?) Case in point: we were cruising their site and came across this curated list of cute objects that each epitomize famous jokes from the show that never fails to crack us up. For example, there’s the infamous jello stapler episode and the note card above that illustrates that classic moment. Buy it here. For more gems check out the full roundup.

Mindy Kaling has signed a two-year, seven-figure deal with NBC to continue her work on “The Office” next season and develop a new comedy in which she’ll star. Mindy’s so awesome that even her soundbites about the news are utterly adorable. “This is my first step in a Transformers-style way to take over the whole world,” she told Variety. Keep reading for five facts about Kelly Kapoor—er, Mindy.

“Girls like it when you nickname them something smaller than a bread box. Chickadee. Pat of Butter. Baby Mouse. This makes us feel tiny and adorable. Space Heater and Minivan do not.”

—Mindy Kaling, from “The Office,” in Esquire

Why am I in love with Michael Scott from “The Office”? I have no clue. Maybe it’s his irresistible smarminess. Maybe it’s his constant inappropriateness. Maybe it’s because of that time he tried to hold a rave in his hotel room while traveling on business. Whatever the reason, a fellow fan has seen fit to create a greatest hits reel of every time he’s delivered his “That’s what she said!” punchline. [Defamer]

BOOKS

We’re extremely excited about the return of either of our favorite shows this fall, but we’ve realized that a season finale refresher is in order. Hey, when our lives and our homies’ lives have real cliffhangers, we can’t be expected to remember months later what happened to our friends on TV, too. Read our updates just in time for the start of the fall TV season on September 2.

Everybody wants Amy Poehler.  And rumor has it, she’s going to give it to primetime! SNL’s Emmy-nominated, crazysexycool comedianne has been in talks to join the cast of a much buzzed about spin-off of The Office.  So far, one of the funny men of Human Giant, Aziz Ansari, is slated for the show, but there’s still no word on who is going to play the Steve Carrell-style boss role.  While Amy seems to be the top contender, the problem is she’s knocked up for reals, like her character in Baby Mama—except with her real husband, Will Arnett, not Tina Fey. The spin-off was set to start taping in the fall so it could air after the Superbowl, but that would also coincide with her baby bump making its debut. But we think Amy can do anything! NBC, she’s worth waiting for. Amy, go and get your show, baby! [Reuters]

What’s sexier than a security blanket? Pretty much everything.  But that hasn’t stopped the insurance industry from trying to loosen its image.  Sexy Insurance, a new networking site catering to insurance industry professionals, is giving MySpace a run for its edgy market share. Instead of Tom, they’ve got Sean, a self-proclaimed “refugee” of the biz, who runs the site out of his basement.  His icon is an image of billionaire Warren Buffet with a speech bubble that says “I’m so sexy it hurts!” There are profiles, a following obsessed with The Office, a lounge for playing Donkey Kong, and a hilarious lo-fi video featuring 50 Cent “Fitty & Warren”. Although the new page is cool, the constant stream of new-age world music supposed to sex up the site really just makes us never want to date an agent—even if they’ll give us a discount on medical care. [Ad Freak]

A lot happened on last night’s season finale of The Office: Toby had his goodbye party, Michael “fell in love” with his replacement (who happens to be his own female equivalent), but found out his ex, Jan, was pregnant with a sperm donor’s baby, and Andy proposed to Angela just as Jim was about to pop the question to Pam—oh, and Angela and Dwight got busted boning on her desk after hours. Exciting stuff! In this clip, Michael talks to Jim about being in love with the new HR Director.

Mindy Kaling, who plays the awesomely ditzy yet somehow completely relatable Kelly Kapoor on The Office (and also writes many episodes of the show) has a blog called “Things I’ve Bought That I Love.” It is exactly the way you’d expect Kelly to write about her online shopping purchases, not to mention the way we would probably write about them too. In other words, clearly our people need to talk to her people and set up a meeting for us to become BFFs. FYI, we especially love this post on flats. [Note: Dinner party conversation starter: Mindy got her big break playing Ben Affleck in the off-Broadway play “Matt & Ben.”]

Previously: Web-Cam: Another Woman We Want To Befriend

Watching The Office simultaneously thrills and upsets my inner romantic, because I sort of think that Pam and Jim are way cuter than me and my fiance. Seriously. They are totally cuter than your relationship too, just face it. I mean, I know they are fiction, but nothing makes me more squealey than these two. Especially on Thursday’s episode, when Pam joked with Jim that she wouldn’t move in with him until they were engaged and Jim joked back that a proposal was coming. Only he’s not joking. ZOMG!!! [NBC: The Office]

Cosmo, consider this probably the only time I will whole-heartedly agree with you about something. John Krasinski, who plays the world’s best TV boyfriend, Jim Halpert on The Office, is indeed a “fun, fearless male”. He’s also hot, sexy, smart, and funny, but I digress.