Nicholas Sparks, supposed romance expert and author of sappy, formulaic novels-turned-movies like “The Notebook” and “A Walk To Remember” is separating from his wife Cathy and thus has effectively failed at love. Dude, you had one job. The pair has been married for 25 years. They have five children, who am I super bummed out for and who will probably have zero faith in love after comparing their dad’s books to their parents’ actual fate. Sparks has raved about Cathy in the press over the years, claiming she served as inspiration for many of the female characters in his work (like Rachel McAdams’ character in “The Notebook” and Miley Cyrus’ in “The Last Song”) and that he knew within days of meeting her that he’d marry her. The two met on Sparks’ college spring break and sent each other over a hundred love letters during their first few months together. He told HuffPost Live in 2013 that he “married a woman who loves a lot” and that “every female character I’ve ever crafted is a lot like my wife. They’re intelligent and loyal, they’re funny. And most of all, they’re not wishy-washy women. They’re good, solid women.” Well, that changed abruptly. Keep reading »
Today, “The Best of Me” hits theaters nationwide, the ninth Nicholas Sparks adaptation to see release (and with two more in development, to boot). A Sparks adaptation has become as perennial and inevitable an event as the changing of seasons, giving appealing blond actresses and chiseled hunks paychecks for years now. The Internet has thrown continuous shade at Sparks’s novels and the movies based on them alike for the many similarities shared among every single one, and with “The Best of Me,” Sparks has actually doubled down, offering the same star-crossed lovers at two different ages for maximum tissue-clutching emotional impact, because sadness works best in bulk. Keep reading »
Nothing stokes the fires of romance like watching the “The Notebook” with your brother in a tractor trailer parked outside a church. That’s how a brother and sister in Gutyon, Georgia, found themselves arrested for incest, aggravated sodomy and prowling early Tuesday morning. Police found the siblings walking around outside a Baptist church and somehow determined they “had just had sex” by their behavior, according to Atlanta’s local CBS News. The siblings admitted to swapping DNA three times while watching “The Notebook.” I have officially lost my appetite for lunch and dinner. Good job, Ryan Gosling? [CBS Local] [Image of church via Shutterstock; image of "The Notebook" via IMDB]
“The Notebook” may be a favorite this time of year, but after 10 years (yes, 10!), it’s due for an upgrade. Like, say, kittens recreating its greatest moments. Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams may be easy on the eyes, but I guarantee that this feline version of the film will leave you much happier than the end of the original movie. Meow! [Laughing Squid]
Sure, we don’t turn down our friend when she suggests going to see the latest Nicholas Sparks film adaptation. (Um, hello, major eye candy!) But as we’re downing our Sour Patch Kids and Diet Coke, we’re also rolling our eyes and contemplating giving the movie the middle finger.
It’s like we’ve seen the same movie 10 times over! Passionate kiss in the rain? Ick. Romantic boat rides? Ugh. Fate stepping in? Vomit.
You think you know everything about love, Sparks? We’re here to tell you that you don’t—and we’ve had to learn that from real-life experience and heartache.
We’re done playing your fool. Just look at all these lies you’ve told us over the years! Read more on Your Tango…