Dita von Teeese is usually the picture of refined sexiness, but something obviously went very, very wrong at the 2012 Duftstar Awards. Von Teese looks as though she’s some kind of extra in a brothel scene in the “The Borgias” or something here. That, or her dress is actually falling apart.
Well, hello there, Heather Morris, where are you off to? That pink flutter-sleeved T suggests the mall. The bustier-esque tank on top of it reminds me of the underage goth club I used to frequent in high school. The mullet-hemmed skirt would have fit right in a few weeks ago at Coachella? And the shoes? Those should head straight to the trash. Don’t even get me started on the socks. Was it laundry day and you picked from what was clean in your closet? Next time, borrow something from Lea Michele.
Mary Katrantzou is a designer who takes a lot of risks, and they often pay off. But in the case of this bizarre printed frock-cum-apron worn by January Jones at a screening of “La Revolucion Bleue,” well, the risks certainly didn’t pay off. As Coco Chanel once famously pointed out, before you leave the house, it’s always good to remove at least one accessory. This dress is like 47 accessories too many. Next time, January.
I, along with the rest of the world, am under the clear impression that J. Lo can (and will) make anything work … except, maybe, for this crystal snake-embellished number. This is a dress that’s so striking on the runway and editorially, but de facto it is all kinds of crazy. Like, 24 different kinds of crazy — one for every year Casper Smart has been alive, natch.
Julie Delpy was amazing in “Before Sunrise,” “Two Days In Paris,” and a slew of other movies. She’s so cool and cosmopolitan and French, after all. But jeebus, Julie Delpy, cover your business up a little bit! You are not a Kardashian! You don’t need to be flaunting your chesticles like that!
Oh Carly, if anyone could pull off a long patchwork skirt, a polka dot tunic, leather boots, and a pile of beaded necklaces, it’s you. That being said, I’m not totally sure if you are actually pulling it off, but bless your folk-singing bohemian hippie heart for trying.
From what I’ve heard, things can get pretty weird at Coachella. This is especially true for Vanessa Anne Hudgens (does she still use the “Anne” in her name? I really don’t know). The music festival, which now spans two sold-out consecutive weekends and also happens to have officially jumped the shark, is essentially the trust-fund hipster’s corporate-funded version of Woodstock, so I guess she’s dressed somewhat appropriately given the setting. Here’s the thing: she looks like the sordid love child of the Brooklyn-bound L train and Forever 21, or maybe even a “Hippie Girl” Halloween costume. Neither of these are a good look.
Actress Renee Olstead is on “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” But what she really excels at is playing a Russian hookerette at parties, as evidenced by the outfit she wore to Nylon’s 13th anniversary soiree.
Arden Wohl is sort of a real life “Gossip Girl” if you will. Believe it or not, she’s actually an Upper East Side socialite! You wouldn’t think it, dressing like this to classy charity functions, but Miss Wohl — who, to Rachel’s chagrin, once tried to launch a headband line — runs in a very exclusive set. All this is to say, this extremely ratty outfit probably cost more than I pay in rent in a month. Still, it is, how you say, tres horrible!
Oh, Claire. Just yesterday I was fawning over your honest, funny, totally relatable interview with ASOS. You looked simultaneously adorable and enviably cool. You called yourself a “sales slut”; I identified. The Preen dress you wore last night to the premiere of “Girls,” however, was a different story. A really, really different story — it was straight up ugly. Bad fit, bad length, bad … design. Bad everything, really. Your hair and makeup looks great, but as far as the outfit goes, the question must be posed: what were you thinking? Even Chloe Sevigny would say, “That’s ugly.” Actually, maybe not, but you should know better than to ever take fashion advice from Chloe Sevigny.