How pissed would you be if the schmoopy text messages your boyfriend sent you every other hour were automated from an iPhone app called the Girlfriend Keeper? Alas, the Girlfriend Keeper is actually a real application and costs only 99 cents at the iTunes store. You should be suspicious if you’re getting charming/creepy texts like, “Your birthday is in 45 days, maybe I’ll get you something blue to match your eyes” or “Did you know we started dating 53 days ago?” (Uh, what guy actually talks like that?) 

After the jump, check out some pics of the Girlfriend Keeper app that will seriously depress you regarding the state of modern dating (and datebook-keeping).

A 15-year-old New York girl found out that walking and texting can be just as dangerous as driving while texting. Alexa Longueira was strolling down the street and paying more attention to sending a message than the sidewalk, when she plunged feet first into an uncovered manhole. “It was four or five feet, it was very painful. I kind of crawled out and the DEP guys came running and helped me,” Longueira told her local newspaper. “They were just, like, ‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’” Besides suffering through the serious sewage stench, Longueira also got scrapes on her arms and back. After making sure the teen was okay, her family plans to get back at city workers who left the manhole uncovered the old fashioned way: a lawsuit. Ever had your own text walking accident? [I fall about once a week as a result of walking and texting, which is made even more dangerous with the triple threat of walking, texting, and high heels.—Editor] [MSNBC]

Over at Double X, there’s this truly hilarious essay by Kelly Seal, who explains how she found herself apologizing to someone she was supposed to go on a date with, before they ever met, via text messaging. How and why? Seal and “Doug1968” met online dating and exchanged a few emails before setting up an in-person date. As has become incredibly typical of modern dating rituals, they opted to firm up their plans via text message. That’s when things got tricky.

If you take a shower before you have sex, are you less likely to get pregnant? Does a normal penis have wrinkles? If my BF doesn’t like me to be loud during sex but I can’t help it, what am I supposed to do? These questions were texted to the Birds and Bees Text Line, the Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention Campaign of North Carolina’s latest effort to provide teens between 14 and 19 with sex education and information. Within 24 hours, every text sent in is answered by a nameless, faceless adult from the center who gives a cautious, nonjudgmental response via text. The Birds and the Bees Text Line started on February 1 and reaches teens through the one device that consumes their lives—their cellphones.

Do you watch the show “Tough Love”? I don’t, but both Annika and Simcha have caught episodes and claim that it rivals my beloved “Millionaire Matchmaker.” That remains to be seen, but Steven Ward, the frat boyish matchmaker on the show, did have a rule that kind of rocked my world. “Text on a need to know basis,” he says, suggesting that when women text men with the most mundane messages (“Just wanted to say hi!”), guys will often ignore them, leading women to wonder, “Why hasn’t he texted me back?!” As someone who has always viewed texting a guy as a little safer than calling him outright, this surprised me. But do most guys really hate texting? And why don’t they call us back either, by the way? I went to the dudes on my IM to find out…

Netlingo.com recently posted a list of 50 sexting/IM acronyms every parent of teenagers should know. The list included acronyms like the always romantic “DUM” (“Do you masturbate?”), “FMLTWIA” (“F*** me like the whore I am”), and “IMEWZRU” (“I am easy, are you?”). Besides reminding me how much the world has changed since my teenage years when an innocent “Do you like me? Check ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘maybe’” note always sufficed, it made me realize just how important it is for adults to have their own sexting lingo, too. Why should teens have all the fun?! After the jump, 10 sexting/IM acronyms for grown-ups.

A little while back, I shared why I thought text messaging was keeping romance alive, despite being more impersonal than phone calls or face-to-face contact. Text messaging is a powerful form of communication, but with great power comes…stalkers! A report by the U.S. Justice Department’s Bureau of Statistics found that 23 percent of stalking or harassment victims had been pestered using some form of cyberstalking, which includes IMs, emails, and text messages. In fact, cyberstalking has become such a widespread issue that 46 states have anti-stalking laws that refer to forms of electronic communication.

A survey by the U.K.‘s National Trust found that 70 percent of women and 53 percent of men would rather get a love letter or poem than a text or email. Yet, of the 2,558 people surveyed, 62 percent had never sent a love letter, while 69 percent had sent an “I love you” text. Is technology killing romance? As much as I despise text message abbreviations and sloppy typers, I don’t think so.

As IMs, text messages, and emails have become the predominant way for guys to ask us out on dates, I think it has gotten easier to figure out whether someone is actually interested in you. It’s true, you can’t hear his tone of voice or see his facial expressions when you read his message on your iPhone, but his language can say a lot. Simply put, if he’s leaving out personal pronouns in his texts, he’s just not that into you.

As sexting gets more popular, safe sexting gets a grant! A series of modern sex ed soap operas have been filmed and distributed via cell phones thanks to an endowment and the commitment of a New Jersey nurse and professor. Rachel Jones, the RN behind the video productions, has spent her career committed to preventing the spread of HIV and AIDS in young women. Sadly, her home state of New Jersey has the highest number of women living with AIDS in the entire U.S. Shockingly, 82% of infections in the 18-to-29-year-old group nationwide are heterosexual African-American ladies and Latinas. Nurse Jones is perplexed by the figures, saying, “It is astounding, it is a completely preventable infection.” So, she has labored for grants to normalize condom use by sending girls text messages. More, after the jump…

A woman who goes by the name Ginger Anyhow reworked some love-related text messages into embroidered art. Isn’t it amazing how romantic this obvious booty call seems when it’s taken out of context and stitched up? [Make]

The text message: the worst invention to ever happen to dating. Well, it’s at least a close second to the chastity belt. This technological form of “communication” has already left a trail of tears amongst my gal pals. From late night sex solicitation to crazy guys who use the stilted language as a crutch for their fears, the text message has been taking relationships down a notch. Now it’s bullying poor Jennifer Aniston. Everyone’s watched her ex John Mayer put on a show of his breakup blues. He’s been seen around town covering his puffy eyes with stupid sweaters and scarves.  But what about Jennifer? She’s been keeping the highly publicized romance classy by keeping her mouth shut. But since her friends don’t share her tact, they’re dishing all the dirt, and apparently, she got dumped via text! It all started with a heated argument where John admitted he didn’t share her “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage” plan. After hanging up the phone he texted her, “That’s it—the end.” Say it to her face! What a wuss. Damn you text messages, you let another one slip through our fingers. [Denver Post]

A study conducted by author Joan Sauers for her new book, Sex Lives of Australian Women, found that 20 percent of Australian women have admitted to having a sexual encounter in an internet chatroom. “As a society, we increasingly rely on technology to get the job done, whatever the job is,” she writes in the book. Along with internet sex, women are also into text and webcam sex. About 70 percent of women in their 20s had engaged in sexual text message exchanges, and 22 percent had been filmed while having sex. But most weren’t too happy with the videos and were less than satisfied with their screen presence. “It was fine, but to tell you the truth ... watching it again was hilarious ... not erotic ... my arse was NOT ever meant to be on a tape,” said one 33 year old. Now, how have you incorporated technology into your sex life? [Sify]

I’m a numbers girl.

I take pride in my cell’s large phone book as much as I take pride in amassing new Facebook friends, Tumblr followers, and page views. I’m sorry, but in this day and age, the higher the numbers get, the cooler one looks.

This creates a problem, however, when there are just certain people to whom one shouldn’t be linked—past lovers. Naturally, the Internet makes it hard to completely escape from the counterpart of your failed relationship. But, in some sort of sick backwards logic, I tend to increase this hardship by keeping them around in the digital arena for longer than necessary.

Text messaging is ruining the world! But here is a funny cartoon that tells the story of a guy and a girl who get drunk, make out, and start texting. [Current.com via Gawker]

Previously: Dirty, Unwanted Text Messages

The people who work at cell phone stores have a lot of power. They know a lot personal information about you, and they know your number. One employee at a Sprint Nextel store in Dayton, OH, is being sued because he reportedly texted a female customer regarding her looks and requested to have dinner with her. Then, he sent her full-frontal nude photos of himself, she reported. The male employee says the customer was totally into him and she even initiated the texting and “expressed her appreciation for receiving such photographs.” Their phone records will reveal all. [Dayton Daily News]