It’s every man’s worst nightmare to wake up from a nap and find out one of his balls is missing. For an anonymous 39-year-old man in Trumann, Arkansas, it was bloody reality. The man, who is paralyzed from the waist down, fell asleep naked on Monday. When he woke up, his recently adopted “small, white, fluffy” dog was between his thighs with blood on his muzzle and the man felt “burning pain” in his mid-section. The pooch had “eaten one of his testicles,” according to the police report, although it’s not clear why he favored his master’s sweaty balls instead over Beggin’ Strips. Perhaps he was inspired by paco, that species of toothy testicle-eating fish. The doggie has since been euthanized and is being tested for rabies. His owner is lucky he woke when he did before he lost both testes. All the more reasons to vaccinate your pets, folks. [CBS Local] [KAIT8] [Image of bad dog via Shutterstock]
I mean, right? Justin Theroux went brief-less filming a jogging scene for his new movie yesterday, while the “Liz & Dick” actor brought his moose knuckle to the “Despicable Me” 2″ premiere. Settle down, guys. Jon Hamm doesn’t even want the title of “Most Obviously Big Balled Actor In Hollywood.” Let’s not be so competitive. There’s plenty of room in Hollywood for all of your impressive packages. [Photos: Splash News]
Up until he underwent a grueling 13-hour surgery, Wesley Warren Jr. had 132-pound testicles. In 2009, after crushing his testicles in his sleep, Warren Jr., developed a disorder called “scrotal lymphedema” (also known as scrotal elephantiasis). His balls swelled to a gargantuan size, and his titanic testes were so massive that he toyed with the idea of selling the boys on eBay, which, oddly enough, is not all that rare of an idea. In his condition, Warren was unable to have sex and experienced tons of pain. Also, apparently carrying around testicles the size of another human is not especially good for one’s health. Considering all of these things, the surgery that brought his testicles back down to average size sounds like the best possible scenario, right?
Well …. Keep reading »
“He would give his balls to go there!”
This statement, though usually figurative, is meant very literally by 52-year-old Colombian poet Raffael Medina Brochero. He has offered to sell his testicles to the first person who offers him the desired amount, which right now has been reported to be anywhere from $20,000 to $200,000. Keep reading »
George Clooney: Sexiest man alive and itinerant ball ironer. Yes, that’s right, George Clooney (pictured joyfully showing off his scrotal superiority) has sparked a new trend in testicle management, telling the Italian magazine Max that he’d had his balls “ironed out.” This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned de-wrinkling his testicles — he made a similar joke to Esquire magazine in 2008. And while we’re pretty sure Clooney was a zillion percent joking, ball-ironing has now become an actual thing at many spas around the country. (*Bangs head against desk*) Keep reading »
A woman in Shelby, North Carolina, performed an incredible feat of strength — and a horrible crime — when she castrated a man with her bare hands. Joyce Maxine Gregory admitted that she squeezed a man’s scrotum out of his testicles (that has gotta hurt). She and the man, who has not been named, got in an argument Saturday morning. As he attempted to walk away from her, she squeezed him. Gregory was arrested and charged with malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, and her bond was set at $20,000. Police say that when she was arrested, she pulled down her pants and peed in the squad car. Okay then. [Kait8]