George Clooney: Sexiest man alive and itinerant ball ironer. Yes, that’s right, George Clooney (pictured joyfully showing off his scrotal superiority) has sparked a new trend in testicle management, telling the Italian magazine Max that he’d had his balls “ironed out.” This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned de-wrinkling his testicles — he made a similar joke to Esquire magazine in 2008. And while we’re pretty sure Clooney was a zillion percent joking, ball-ironing has now become an actual thing at many spas around the country. (*Bangs head against desk*) Keep reading »
A woman in Shelby, North Carolina, performed an incredible feat of strength — and a horrible crime — when she castrated a man with her bare hands. Joyce Maxine Gregory admitted that she squeezed a man’s scrotum out of his testicles (that has gotta hurt). She and the man, who has not been named, got in an argument Saturday morning. As he attempted to walk away from her, she squeezed him. Gregory was arrested and charged with malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, and her bond was set at $20,000. Police say that when she was arrested, she pulled down her pants and peed in the squad car. Okay then. [Kait8]
When biologists say the pacu fish eats nuts, they may be correct in more ways than one.
The pacu, a toothy fish that can weigh up to 55 pounds, has been spotted in Lake Lou Yaeger in Illinois, KSDK reports.
Responding to a report that a fisherman had reeled in a piranha on June 7, lake superintendent Jim Caldwell brought the fish to the Illinois Department of Natural Resources, where it was identified as a pacu. Some reports say another pacu was seen a couple of weeks later.
Caldwell said he is still swimming in the lake nearly every day. Pacus primarily eat nuts, aquatic vegetation and snails, he told KDSK, and pose no real threat to humans.
Residents of Papua New Guinea may beg to differ. There, according to British fisherman Jeremy Wade, the pacu is known as the “ball cutter.” In 2011, Wade said locals informed him that two fisherman had died from blood loss after something in the water had bitten off their testicles, according to the Metro. Read more …
For the second time in a year, a motorist has been ticketed in South Carolina for displaying a replica of testicles on a vehicle.
A Spartanburg County sheriff’s deputy stopped a truck Sunday evening after noticing the “anatomically correct” display on the rear bumper. The incident report says the driver removed the display after being stopped but he was arrested for driving without a license. He was also given a warning ticket for having an obscene display. Read more…
Professionally speaking, I’ve always been a bit on the fence about Katherine Heigl. As a rom-com fan, I am literally incapable of not watching “27 Dresses” when it comes on TV. I liked “Knocked Up,” though I certainly took issue with its abortion avoidance. And “Life As We Know It”? That sappy movie about two hot single people who hate each other who suddenly become guardians to their baby goddaughter and then fall in love? Cried. But “The Ugly Truth,” an abhorrent movie for which Hollywood owes the world a huge apology, and Heigl’s seemingly smug attitude in real life, have made me sort of meh on her as a whole. But thanks to this video from Funny Or Die, I am now a Heigl fan. Now, I happen to like balls – i.e. testicles — but Heigl’s adamant distaste for “crotch plums” made me laugh anyway. [Funny Or Die]
Protect your iPhone from possible damage and indulge your family jewel fetish at the same time with a case adorned with dangling testes. Because, as the creators of Phoneballs put it, “Whether male or female, chances are you have been touched by a pair of balls in your life…. don’t you want to touch ‘em back?” [$15, Phoneballs]
[UPDATE: Yeah, I originally called it a 4G. I'm still using a rotary, what can I say?] Keep reading »
Be warned, this tale isn’t for the faint of heart. A 22-year-old British man chopped off his testicles and tossed them in a park. Um, why, you ask? Well, this was his idea of a DIY sex change. Chesterfield Royal Hospital in Derbyshire reported: “A man in his early twenties presented himself at the hospital minus his testicles, which he had removed the previous day.” Apparently, the endeavor, the man stated, was less painful than he had expected. After attempting to de-male himself, he tossed his testes into Queens Park in Chesterfield, leading one local to state: “A few people have stopped walking their dogs in the park for fear of what they’ll dig up.” If you’re having a sex change, best to stick with the professionals. [The Sun] Keep reading »
As professional greedy food monster, there isn’t much in the world that I won’t eat. I make s’mores with a lighter on my couch and consume whole blocks of cheese in one sitting. But I am not down with testicles. They are a punch line and a tool in baby-making—not a source of food. The patrons at the 7th annual World Testicle Cooking Championship in Serbia might disagree with me. Keep reading »
Compared to the penis — that swollen, attention-grabbing flesh-bully — the testicles can seem downright unassuming. But despite their less showy nature, those two hairy globes still hold great potential for pleasure … and pain. Watch Asylum’s token girl explain the woman’s perspective on your family jewels, and find out what they have to do with ’80s cartoons. Read more … Keep reading »