Saturday

• “Spiderman” on TBS at 9:55 am
• “The Closer” on TNT at 11 am
• “In Julia’s Kitchen” on PBS at 12 pm

Just when I’ve finally figured out what each and every button on my flatscreen TV’s remote control does, electronics companies are ready to sell me the next must-have boob tube incarnation: 3-D TV. Both Sony and Panasonic have announced that they will be releasing 3-D TVs in 2010, and Mitsubishi and JVC are working on them too. Yes, these new sets will involve wearing goofy 3-D glasses and lord knows what they’ll cost, but does this pique your interest? [CNN]

Corn Nuts! I am literally shaking with excitement over the news that “Heathers” is being revamped into a TV show. The 1989 movie, the ultimate high school revenge fantasy, elevated Winona Ryder to star status as she tried to fit in with her school’s mean girls, all named Heather. (The best: Heather Chandler, played by pre-“90210” Shannen Doherty). Until J.D. (a hot Christian Slater) rolled into town and made her his accomplice in murdering the cool kids in school and making ‘em look like suicides. “Heathers” remains one of my top five favorite flicks of all time, and I have a feeling a show based on it could be very, very good—like “Gossip Girl” with a dark comedy twist. Jenny Bicks, a “Sex and the City” writer, is also executive producing. And the word on the street is that Winona and Christian may even be reprising their bad-ass roles. Prepare your croquet mallets and start singing “Que Sera Sera.” [Press Association]

Oh, unholy of holies. Too much TV-watching is causing high blood pressure in young children! It seems that kids who spend more hours in front of the screen, even if they’re thin and in shape, have significantly higher diastolic and systolic blood pressures than those who don’t watch much TV. Joey Eisenmann, the senior author of this research, believes that kids who spend more time in front of the tube end up snacking more, get distressed at some shows, and get less sleep. These poor habits prove that the American Academy of Pediatrics’ recommendation of no more than two hours of television a day for youngsters is right on target. [NY Times]

But I’ve got to wonder, what about adults?

It’s a big day in Rachel Zoe news. Not only did The Zoe Report debut this morning, but there’s also a preview trailer for season two of “The Rachel Zoe Project,” which airs on Bravo starting Aug. 24. We cannot wait to watch how she deals with the bad press about her underweight look; to see who quits first, Brad or Taylor; and to marvel at the gorgeousness that is Liv Tyler, who says upon arriving at Rachel’s studio, “I need cute outfits!” We do, too, Liv, so can we have your hand-me-downs?

I gotta say, given that it’s 2009 and all, I’m just not impressed with how gay and lesbian folks are portrayed on television. Sure, you might see gay couples on TV, particularly of the lesbian variety. But often, these portrayals smack of being publicity stunts. This week, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation did a study of how the biggest 15 networks represented LGBT characters in their shows last season. They looked for shows that reflected “the lives of gay, bisexual and transgender people.” And, of course, they found that HBO did the best—with 42 percent of its prime-time programming hours devoted to this. Showtime, with shows like “The L Word” and ‘‘The United States of Tara,” was next with a 26 percent. But once the study got to the more mainstream media, the numbers dropped significantly. Of the five major networks—ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox and the CW—ABC ranked the highest with 24 percent. NBC had only eight percent, and CBS came in with a pathetic five percent. At first glance, these numbers don’t sound too terrible. But I’m going to go ahead and argue that things are a lot grimmer than they appear.

Since "Ugly Betty" began airing in 2006, the title character has been known for her kooky, not-so-stylish getups. Yes, her wardrobe has progressed in the show's four seasons -- from the Guadalajara poncho she wore in the first episode to the crazy patterned dresses of last season -- especially after Patricia Field took over as costume designer when the show moved to New York last year.

There could be even more drastic changes coming to Betty's closet next season. According to Entertainment Weekly writer Michael Ausiello, ABC has conducted focus groups to get feedback on a major Betty makeover. In scenes watched by the focus group, Betty wears a pastel pink suit in one and a black dress with a ruffled V-neck in another. Are the days of her style-defining mismatched patterns gone? (She's been an inspiration to me on that trend.) Supposedly, she'll also lose her braces at some point. Will Betty be as lovably fallible if she's chic? And are ABC execs changing the entire Ugly Betty character by making her well-groomed?

Some people say they’re sick of all the shows about housewives, trophy wives, and other kept women. Well, now they can see how the other side—the househusband—lives. Fox Reality’s “Househusbands of Hollywood” focuses on men who run their households while their bread-winning Hollywood wives bring home the bacon. This is how Fox defines a househusband: “King of the castle…ruler of the roost…until his wife comes home from work.” Two of the better known husbands are Darryl M. Bell, who played Ron Johnson on “A Different World” and is married to Tempestt Bledsoe (Vanessa Huxtable of “The Cosby Show”), and former L.A. Dodgers baseball player Billy Ashley, whose wife is a successful Hollywood makeup artist. Charlie Mattera, another hubby featured, co-created the series with his wife, a prominent psychologist. The others are Marine sniper Grant Reynolds, married to Fox 11 morning news show host Jillian Reynolds, and Danny Barclay, an aspiring actor hitched to a high-powered L.A. lawyer. “Househusbands of Hollywood” premieres Aug. 15.

Saturday
• “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List” Marathon on BRAVO starting at 9:30 am
• “16 & Pregnant” Marathon on MTV starting at 11 am
• “Dance Your Ass Off” on Oxygen at 12 pm
• “John Tucker Must Die” on FX at 12 pm
• “True Hollywood Story: Michael Jackson” on E! at 12 pm
• “NYC Prep” on Bravo at 2 pm
• “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” on USA at 3 pm
• “The Princess Bride” on ABC Family at 6 pm
• “Shrek” on TBS at 7 pm
• “Forbes 20 Most Expensive Celebrity Weddings” on Style at 8 pm

Season two of “The Rachel Zoe Project” premieres Aug. 25 on Bravo, and we’re just dying with anticipation. The Zoe has been tweeting up a storm, teasing us about the upcoming episodes, but she hasn’t been using any of her infamous catchphrases. Maybe she has some new ones up her vintage YSL sleeves? After the jump, our guesses for what Rachel Zoe’s next batch of quotable phrases will be.

It’s Monday, which means that you have some serious DVR-setting to do for the week. Here are the shows we can’t wait to watch—from the series premiere of “Michael and Michael Have Issues” to the season finale of “The Fashion Show.”

Television producers might be running out of ideas for new shows, because the people over at Lifetime have taken what is essentially the episode of “The Tyra Banks Show” when Tyra dons a fat suit to experience what it’s like to be a larger woman. “Drop Dead Diva” premiered last night.

The premise of the show is that two very different women, Deb and Jane, both die. When Deb, a beautiful, blond wannabe model, gets to Heaven’s gates, something goes awry and she ends up back on earth in the body of Jane, a plus-size lawyer. So, this new woman has Deb’s mind and Jane’s body, and according to Lifetime’s website, “Deb must come to terms with inhabiting Jane’s plus-size frame in the ultimate showdown between brains and beauty.”

La, la, la, la, la, I’ve got to be direct, I’ve been waiting for “Daria” on DVD ever since MTV took the “Beavis and Butt-Head”-spinoff off the air. Daria was to alt-girls what Cher Horowitz was to Valley girls. She made it okay to wear combat boots and not care about the latest fads. And her sarcasm was lethal, proving that a girl with brains and glasses can stand up for herself. We can’t wait until the summer of 2010 when Daria takes down the Heidi Montags of the world, or at least their ratings. [Street]

Saturday
• “The Fashion Show” on Bravo starting at 9 am
• “E! News Weekend” on E! at 9 am
• “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” on HBO2 at 9 am

I have a confession to make. I’ve never been to South Beach. Gasp! I have been to Miami, if you count the airport. South Beach was on my list of places to visit until I watched a clip of Bravo’s “Miami Social,” which has turned me off from the tourist destination.

Saturday

• “16 And Pregnant” on MTV at 10 am
• “Real Housewives of Atlanta” on Bravo at 2 pm
• “Real Housewives of New Jersey” on Bravo at 4 pm
• “What Women Want” on TBS at 6:30 pm
• “The Incredibles” on ABC Fam at 8 pm

This is the house Bunim/Murray Productions will turn into a swanky pad for the next crop of horny cast members on “The Real World: Washington D.C.” MTV will also air a D.C.-version of “The Hills” this summer. But MTV isn’t the only network moving into the capital. Bravo will soon feature political wives, philanthropic leaders, sophisticated fashionistas, and other power players in “The Real Housewives of D.C..” 

Susan Boyle is one reality TV contestant who let fame go to her head. And by that, I mean she had a breakdown as a result of the celebrity that was thrust upon her after appearing on “Britain’s Got Talent.” But she’s not alone. Paula Goodspeed committed suicide outside “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul’s home after being teased about her weak tryout. Then there’s CT from “Real World/Road Rules Challenges: The Duel 2,” who would have killed Adam in a couple fights if producers and cast members hadn’t intervened.

Ever since the return of Zack Morris on “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon,” the “Saved by the Bell” reminiscing hasn’t stopped. Bayside was a factory of ‘90s fashion, and may be the only place where denim-on-denim will ever remain respected (sort of). With her neon scrunchies and flowered denim outfits, it-girl Kelly Kapowski influenced a generation of young girls. You can still get her hot look, which, if you’re lucky, might land you your own Zack (swoon!).

1. Mixing florals with a graphic design gives off that funky flair. [$17.99, Charlotte Russe]
2. This denim vest is slightly OTT, so rock it with Kapowski confidence. [$248, William Rast, RevolveClothing.com]
3. These flower-print sneaks are scarily close to the ones we wore in ‘92. [$20, Cabbage Rose, Urban Outfitters]
4. Kelly lived in denim minis. Easy to see why when one like this would show off your hot legs. [$19.80, Forever 21]

While “Hitched or Ditched” is quite possibly the most terrible show on television, I have found myself watching it on more than one occasion. The show gives a couple who seem to be ready for marriage but are avoiding it the chance to have their dream ceremony. Over a period of four days, they have to decide whether they should indeed get married, or split up for good. Of course, drama ensues, exes are brought back to life, and in-laws do embarrassing things.