I am way too old to readily admit this, but I still harbor a magpie-like inclination towards particularly sparkly temporary tattoos. Oh, they sell $2 packs of glitter dragons at the Asian convenience store on the corner? Well, I’m probably going to buy some and put them on my body. Also, I can’t find anything about this on the Internet so there is a good chance it no longer exists and nobody will ever believe me, but when I was a kid they came out with these Band-Aids that were, like, pictures and shapes of animals? Did this ever happen? Anyway, they ruled and once I went to the beach covered in them, and nobody wanted to play with me because they thought I had a communicable disease of the flesh. Whatever, assholes!
That’s probably why I’m feeling compelled to purchase these stupid expensive 24-karat gold leaf Dior temporary tattoos. Absolutely not under any circumstances do I need them, but they look so shiny, and wouldn’t that be the perfect climax to my lifelong fake tattoo affinity? Do you think I should get drunk and order them, then lose my shit when I see the charge on my card and realize what I’ve done? Probably! [Nordstrom]
”[Lucian Freud] told me about when he was in the navy, when he was 19 or something, and he used to do all of the tattoos for the sailors. And I said, ‘Oh my God, that’s amazing.’ And he went, ‘I can do you one. What would you like? Would you like creatures of the animal kingdom?’ I mean, it’s an original Freud. I wonder how much a collector would pay for that? A few million? … If it all goes horribly wrong I could get a skin graft and sell it! It’s probably the only one on skin that’s still around, because when he was in the navy he was about 19. Can you imagine?”
— Considering the late, great artist‘s nude painting of Kate Moss sold for £3.9 million (Sienna Miller could learn a thing or two from Kate’s choice in pregnant portraiture), which equates to approximately $6.2 million, the morbid fact of the matter is that his etching of two swallows on the supermodel’s lower back would likely be worth exponentially more. (If people actually did that stuff, that is. Do they? Don’t tell me.) That is one fancy tramp stamp. [Huffington Post]
Scarlett Johansson already has at least one terrible tattoo — a colorful sun setting over water thing on her inside forearm — so I don’t know why I’m surprised that her new tattoo is equally as puzzling. (I have a bad tattoo of my own, and I know it, so I’m allowed to hate on other people’s bad tattoos. Just in case you were wondering, it’s in the rules.) The actress got a childishly doodled horseshoe with the word “Lucky You” inked on her ribcage by French tattoo artiste Fuzi Uvtpk. Uvtpk (no clue how you pronounce that, BTW) charges big bucks for his prison-style tattoos so I guess ScarJo got what she paid for. But like I said, I don’t get it. [The World's Best Ever]
Dear Tattooed Poet,
You got the following poem tattooed on your shoulder: “Roses are red/ My name is Dave/ This poem makes no sense/ Microwave.” Obviously you have a way with words and a keen eye for art. I wrote you a little response poem that I hope you’ll enjoy:
Violets are blue
My name is Winona
I like your poem tattoo
It gave me a bonah.
Care to escort me to the tattoo parlor and make this official?
Yesterday, the universe said in unison, again, “What the fuck are you doing Chris Brown?” This time it was because Breezy debuted a new neck tattoo of a face with what appeared to be a bruised/black eye and stitches across the lips. Ignoring the fact it’s an ugly tat, it looks a hell of a lot like his ex-girlfriend Rihanna … whom he gave a black eye and stitches across the lips. Could Chris Brown really be so fucked up as to tattoo Rihanna’s beaten and bloody face on his neck?! He is Captain Poor Decisions, but would he make that poor of a decision? Keep reading »
Writing that her recently passed grandmother Dolly was “always in and on my heart,” Rihanna posted a pic of her new underboob/cleavage tattoo — of the Goddess Isis — on Twitter/Instagram this weekend. An serious tribute to someone who was important to her, no doubt, but I’m a little unsure that this particular ink will age very well. [Instagram]