Tag Archives: tanning

The 11 Stages Of A Surprise Sunburn

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Playlist: Beach, Bitch!
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11 stages of surprise sunburn

We are all too familiar with the abusive nature of the sun. It’s like that snake cane Jafar carries around with him that makes you do whatever he wants. It’s alluring and inviting one minute, and just when you think you’re safe and call it quits, you can’t bend your knees without cringing in pain for a week. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Think of this, along with a healthy does of sunscreen, as your support group.

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Ohio Tanning Salon Turns Away Woman For Being Too Fat

Tanning Mom
Mother arrested for allegedly putting her 5-year-old in a tanning bed. Read More »
Your Fat Partner
melted butter
Seven ways to be a good ally to your fat lover. Read More »
Too fat to tan?

Kelly McGrevey of Akron, Ohio was told that she was too fat to tan. McGrevey claims that Aloha Tanning Salon’s management told her she was too big to fit in their beds, but only after they sold her a membership and collected her money. After outing Aloha for being sizeist money grubbers on the local media and Facebook, they’ve agreed to give McGrevey a full refund for her membership. Graciously, another local tanning salon, Tanner’s, is giving McGrevey use of their beds for one month for free. I guess she’ll fit in a tanning bed after all.

It’s amazing to me that this woman would be turned away from a tanning salon but that Tanning Mom and her 5-year-old daughter can breeze in no problem. As a person who’s had skin cancer, I can’t say I fully support exposure to UV rays, but I hope Kelly McGrevey gets golden freaking brown just to stick it to the assholes at Aloha. [KHOU]

Tanning Mom Supports The Anti-Tanning Law She Inspired, Continues To Be Amazing

Tanning Mom Biopic
Starring Tanning Mom as Tanning Mom. Read More »
Tanning Mom Drag Show
Tanning Mom got drunk at a drag show. Watch »
Tanning Mom Hobbies
She's says she's on a tanning diet. She needs a hobby. Read More »
Tanning Mom Responds
"Sun glow you're happy, burned you're fried."

My obsession with Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil grows stronger with every passing public appearance. Her latest is this gem of a TMZ interview where she responds to New Jersey’s newly instated “Tan Mom Law,” which requires anybody under the age of 17 to have a parent or legal guardian present when using a tanning bed.  In addition, it requires the legal guardian and underage tanner sit through a consultation together about the risks of tanning. Also, it states that children under the age of 14 can’t get a spray tan. (What are all those “Toddlers & Tiaras” contestants going to do?) Keep reading »

Tanning Mom Considering A Move To Jolly Old England

Tanning Mom
Mother arrested for allegedly putting her 5-year-old in a tanning bed. Read More »
We Have Some Questions
Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil photos
There's a lot of things we don't understand about Tanning Mom. Read More »
Tanning Mom Drag Show
Tanning Mom got drunk at a drag show. Watch »
tanning mom england

New Jersey isn’t quite as fun when you’ve been banned from the local tanning salons. So Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil is doing what any UV-ray worshipper would do: she’s considering packing up her suntan oil and moving to the UK. The New York Daily News reports that our most embarrassing cultural export since the “Jersey Shore” cast went to Italy wants to move to London for “a new style of life,” presumably one where not everyone knows you got arrested for bringing your fair-haired five-year-old to a tanning salon and then fell over drunk on a red carpet.  Or maybe she just needed to evade “My Strange Addiction” producers pounding down her front door.  Either way, I just wonder why Tanning Mom didn’t choose a locale closer to the equator … [NYMag.com]

Please Explain: Why Can’t I Get A Tan?

LiLo's Self-Tanner Sucks
Sevin Nyne self tanner photo
Jessica's beauty test drive of Sevin Nyne self-tanner was an epic fail. Read More »

Each summer, as I dare to don the shorter garments in my closet, I’m taken back to junior high gym class. Playing kickball and running laps with no athletic ability was pretty humiliating, but worse was doing it as the most pallid, Gollum-like adolescent in the gym. As classmates caught sight of my near translucent, purplish legs, I’d hear the common refrain: “Get a tan, girl!”

Could I get a tan? Should I get a tan? I’ve asked myself these questions countless times  since I first came to realize I looked borderline cadaverous. Now, more than a decade later, I have the answers. Keep reading »

Want To Avoid A Summer Tan? Try A Face-kini!

Tanning Mom
Mother arrested for putting her 5-year-old in a tanning bed. Read More »

In America’s tanning-obsessed culture, where we spend millions of dollars and hours a year trying to bake (or fake) our way to the perfect golden hue, it’s difficult to fathom the fact that in some cultures, people go to great lengths to stay pale. In China, for example, a tan is associated with outdoor labor and peasantry, while a flawless porcelain complexion denotes wealth and luxury. So what do Chinese people do when summer heat beckons them to the beach? They slip on one of these face-kinis, of course! Apparently the awkwardly named face-kini a very popular summer style on the beaches of Qingdao, where they sell for between $2 and $4 a piece. So, will you be rocking a face-kini at the beach this year? [NPR]

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