To quote Amelia when she alerted me that Tanning Mom’s music video for her new single, “It’s Tan Mom,” was available for viewing: “Christmas has come early.” I don’t celebrate Christmas because I’m a Jew. But this video is what I would ask for if I made a Christmas list. I’ve dreamed of it. I’ve envisioned it in my mind. I’ve laid awake at night, too excited to sleep wondering what kind of performance Patty would turn out. Would she dance? Would she wear costumes? Would we get to see her modeling a bikini again? Would co-stars from her gay porn be in it?
As is often the case with the best things in life, this video is better than anything I could have imagined. It has all the elements of great art. Tanning Mom. Check. Wigs. Check. Psychedelic effects. Check. Token gays. Check. Awkward dancing. Check. Feeling up of boobs. Check. Bikinis. Check. Gratuitous use of suntan lotion. Check.
I don’t care what the haters say. I feel really happy inside my soul. [DListed]
It’s only a matter of time now before Tanning Mom makes her dream of becoming a famous actress come true. Her pitch to star in a porn of her own was rejected by Vivid Entertainment. But as fate would have it, another production company has recognized all of Patty K’s untapped potential. Lucas Entertainment, a company that produces a gay porn, has decided to give Tanning Mom her big break. Wait for it. Tanning Mom will have a cameo in the latest installment of series called “Kings of New York.” Oh yes, she will! Keep reading »
Take that, Farrah Abraham getting done up the pooper by James Deen! You have been outdone by Tanning Mom! No, she didn’t make a sex tape. TMZ obtained a snippet of Patricia Krentcil’s soon-to-be-released single, “It’s Tan Mom.” I knew it would blow my mind, but I didn’t know how much it would blow my mind. And it’s only one minute’s worth. Teaser: there is extreme auto-tuning, there are dance beats, there are lyrics like, You all are losers/ I’m sexier than the Teen Mom/ I am cool/ I’m the cool one/ I’m hotter than the Octomom.
Yes. YESSSS. I cannot wait for the music video. Let there be bows! [Buzzfeed]
I guess when the sex tape thing didn’t pull through, Tanning Mom, my muse, had to come up with another way to stay in the spotlight. What about her biopic starring her? I’m dying for that! Anyhow, Patty Krentcil decided to hit the recording studio and cut her first single, “It’s Tan Mom!” The truth is, I don’t care why she’s releasing her new single, just that she is. The track, which begins with Tanning Mom channeling her inner Britney Spears (“It’s Tan Mom, bitch!”) is due out on iTunes May 6. That should pretty much be the best day of my life. Until then, I guess I’ll have to listen to other ill-conceived singles released by people desperate to extend their 15 minutes. I don’t include Reality TV stars in this category because they ALL try their hand at a music career. My two exceptions are Danielle Staub and Courtney Stodden because I have love for those cray bitches. After the jump, some of my favorite never-were-celebrity songs. [AU News] Keep reading »
Tanning Mom is ready to ditch the bows and get down to business. TMZ obtained an email sent by Patricia Krentcil to Vivid Entertainment’s president, Steve Hirsch, shamelessly propositioning him to produce her sex tape:
“I see you are trying to buy this sex tape from this Teen Mom. Well, if you REALLY want to make more MONIES, then I would agree to let you film me and all my hotness … I am far MORE popular and WAY HOTTER than Farrah! Men want a cougar and a real woman, not a teenybopper … Contact me back if you’re ready to talk serious cash and rock the world.”
Keep reading »
My obsession with Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil grows stronger with every passing public appearance. Her latest is this gem of a TMZ interview where she responds to New Jersey’s newly instated “Tan Mom Law,” which requires anybody under the age of 17 to have a parent or legal guardian present when using a tanning bed. In addition, it requires the legal guardian and underage tanner sit through a consultation together about the risks of tanning. Also, it states that children under the age of 14 can’t get a spray tan. (What are all those “Toddlers & Tiaras” contestants going to do?) Keep reading »
Well, isn’t this is the bit of meta movie news wonderfulness I’ve been waiting for all my life? Tanning Mom, otherwise known as Patricia Krentcil, told In Touch magazine that there’s a biopic in the works about her life. I know! That’s amazing. But it gets way better. Guess who’s starring in “Tanning Mom: The Movie”? Nope, not Kristen Wiig, although that would be highly entertaining.
“I’ll star — It’s going to portray everything that’s happen,” Krentcil said. Keep reading »
New Jersey isn’t quite as fun when you’ve been banned from the local tanning salons. So Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil is doing what any UV-ray worshipper would do: she’s considering packing up her suntan oil and moving to the UK. The New York Daily News reports that our most embarrassing cultural export since the “Jersey Shore” cast went to Italy wants to move to London for “a new style of life,” presumably one where not everyone knows you got arrested for bringing your fair-haired five-year-old to a tanning salon and then fell over drunk on a red carpet. Or maybe she just needed to evade “My Strange Addiction” producers pounding down her front door. Either way, I just wonder why Tanning Mom didn’t choose a locale closer to the equator … [NYMag.com]
This “Tanorexic” action figure, made by toy company Herobuilders.com, turned out to be their hottest selling item of 2012. No surprise there. Because of legal reasons, they couldn’t make the doll in the exact likeness of Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil, but, we get it. All she needs is a bow. I have to get it off my chest: I’m really disappointed that my birthday AND Christmas passed and I DID NOT receive this as a gift. Come on, people! It was only $29.95. Does nobody love me? Does nobody know me? It’s not too late. [NY Daily News]
Dumb people come and go every year, and 2012 was no different. The past 12 months saw some epic stupidity, and not just from famous generals who had affairs with their biographers, men still dating the women who bit off their testicles, or the CEO who oversaw the death of the Twinkie. We have those folks, and 17 more.
Who else made the cut of our 20 Dumbest People of 2012? Find out!