Whoever is in charge of Jennifer Lawrence’s skin color (is it you?) went a little/a lot spray tan-happy on the poor girl before the Academy Awards Nominations Luncheon, which left the Jen we know and love looking less like her peachy self and more like the Oscar statuette we hope she wins. She looks terribly uncomfortable, almost as if she’s trying to tell us, “You and I both know that I am not actually this brown.” And then! Jen showed up later in the evening at the Hollywood Reporter Nominees’ Night (on the right), looking wayyyy closer to her natural shade. I am left with the impression that she ran home after the first event and scrubbed herself silly to fade the color, to which I say: been there, done that. You never know what you’re gonna get with those spray tans, and there is a painstakingly fine line between bronzed and luminous and old baseball glove.
Sunday night, Hayden Panettiere showed up to the American Music Awards looking rather … different than usual. It took me a minute, but I finally realized what had changed. Hayden had discovered dark eyebrow pencil and has eschewed her California tan. Here, she’s wearing pencil in a shade or two darker than her normal brow and is embracing her inner paleness. Doesn’t it look dramatic?
Dear Number 49,
Congrats on making it to the Super Heavyweight finals at the Arnold Classic Europe in Madrid this weekend! That’s awesome! I’m sorry that you didn’t win, but still, you were the star of the show. I wish I could say you were getting attention for all your hard work and dedication to the sport of bodybuilding. I cannot. Number 49, people are talking smack about your two-tone tan. It looks like you forgot to slather fake tanner on your face.
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Each summer, as I dare to don the shorter garments in my closet, I’m taken back to junior high gym class. Playing kickball and running laps with no athletic ability was pretty humiliating, but worse was doing it as the most pallid, Gollum-like adolescent in the gym. As classmates caught sight of my near translucent, purplish legs, I’d hear the common refrain: “Get a tan, girl!”
Could I get a tan? Should I get a tan? I’ve asked myself these questions countless times since I first came to realize I looked borderline cadaverous. Now, more than a decade later, I have the answers. Keep reading »
When “Jersey Shore”‘s Deena Cortese was arrested for disorderly conduct and public drunkenness this past weekend, we discovered she was guilty of another offense: Crazy tan lines. How did she get that design on her butt? Also, why was she wearing slippers in public? And cuddling with a giant stuffed animal? I guess we’ll have to wait until next season to find out how the meatball ended up in such hot sauce. I’m already suspecting that she is feeling the pressure to fill Snooki’s shoes now that she’s pregnant. Meaning … SOBER. Click through to see more of the weirdest celebrity tan lines we’ve ever seen. [The Superficial]
I wouldn’t know if I could tan naturally because I’ve never actually tried. Aside from the fact that, you know, the sun wants to give you cancer and shit, I’m just not someone who has ever liked to bask outside and broil. My brother and I, unlike our medium-skinned parents and the rest of our family on both sides, are both super-fair, easily burnt freckle faces. We often wonder whose children we actually are (in fact, we both bear a slight resemblance to Guy Fieri). In summers of yore I’ve been totally content with my bright white (seriously, I am the whitest) complexion, but I think I’m on the brink of a change of heart. Frightened by the starkness of my legs, and sporting a subtle, summery ombré fade in my hair, I am ready to join the rest of the world and get a tan. Not a real tan, of course — I still hate laying outside. It’s so boring. Whatever! Problem is, I can’t seem to find the right self-tanner for my skin tone. I figured Jergens Natural Glow was a safe place to start, but the incredibly overwhelming smell put me off after applying it twice. Seriously, I wanted to run away from myself. Keep reading »
H&M made Tanning Mom so proud with their new swimwear ad, which features model Isabeli Fontana flaunting skin the color of coffee beans. The Swedish fast-fashion retailer was forced to apologize Thursday after the campaign in question left doctors, critics, and cancer groups roaring with outrage. The photos are clearly altered — though Fontana, who is of Brazilian descent, is naturally bronzed, the skin tone she’s been given is closer to that of an African-American. It seems like the change was meant to highlight the contrast between the complexion and the brightly-hued bathing suits, but if that’s the case, why wouldn’t they just use a black model? Keep reading »
According to a new poll in the UK, Pippa Middleton’s posterior isn’t the only thing in high demand. Women are also after her skin color, which a tanning guru dubbed “Royal Mocha.” Sixty percent of the 2,000 women surveyed found Pippa’s gorgeous glow to be the most sought-after skin tone. Other celebrity tans in the running were Cheryl Cole’s “Cappuccino,” Katie Price’s “Pecan,” and Kerry Katona’s “Karrot.” Do I smell a line of offensive self-tanners in the works? But more importantly, should I be offended that Ami Angelowicz’s “Pasty Blogger” didn’t make the cut? At least I will be wrinkle-free for many years to come. Take that, Pippa. [Daily Mail UK] Keep reading »
The new tanning tax goes into effect today. And if you are upset about it, you shouldn’t be. Sure, it adds 10 percent to the cost of most fake bakes, but tanning is seriously bad for you anyway. If you absolutely can’t part with your brown summer hue, you can always go outside—because that is free. Or, you can spritz on some of that spray stuff for a nice glow. Alternatively, take a good, hard look at Lindsay Lohan and Snooki and think about whether you really are interested in getting that “weathered” look.
If the increased cost isn’t enough to dissuade you, here are you a few more reasons why you should steer clear of tanning beds. Keep reading »
Summer is all about showing some skin while you’re having fun in the sun and tanning goes with the territory. Sadly, as well know, getting that bronze glow can also be life threatening. While fat roll tan lines, raccoon eyes from your sunglasses, or even the dreaded Oompa Loompa-like burn are cause for concern in the short term, there are health risks on the horizon. The rate of melanoma among white women between the ages of 15 and 39 has doubled over the past 30 years. There are almost 14 cases out of every 100,000 young women. Yikes! [Indeed. I got a sunburn this weekend. -- Editor] The medical establishment says the tanning trend is to blame for the tally. So, if you’re still inspired to look like your tanorexic celeb heroines, try a cocktail of self tanner and sunscreen or beware! Have you ever seen the old ladies that look like lobsters lying around the retirement community pools in Florida? They will make you turn white as a ghost! [Truemors] Keep reading »