Tag Archives: tan

Poor Jennifer Lawrence Got The Aggressive Spray Tan Treatment

Self-Tanner Tip
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Whoever is in charge of Jennifer Lawrence’s skin color (is it you?) went a little/a lot spray tan-happy on the poor girl before the Academy Awards Nominations Luncheon, which left the Jen we know and love looking less like her peachy self and more like the Oscar statuette we hope she wins. She looks terribly uncomfortable, almost as if she’s trying to tell us, “You and I both know that I am not actually this brown.” And then! Jen showed up later in the evening at the Hollywood Reporter Nominees’ Night (on the right), looking wayyyy closer to her natural shade. I am left with the impression that she ran home after the first event and scrubbed herself silly to fade the color, to which I say: been there, done that. You never know what you’re gonna get with those spray tans, and there is a painstakingly fine line between bronzed and luminous and old baseball glove.

What A Difference A Tan Can Make

Sunday night, Hayden Panettiere showed up to the American Music Awards looking rather … different than usual. It took me a minute, but I finally realized what had changed.  Hayden had discovered dark eyebrow pencil and has eschewed her California tan. Here, she’s wearing pencil in a shade or two darker than her normal brow and is embracing her inner paleness. Doesn’t it look dramatic?

Tanning Mom Drag Show
Tanning Mom got drunk at a drag show. Watch »
LiLo's Self-Tanner Sucks
Sevin Nyne self tanner photo
Jessica's beauty test drive of Sevin Nyne self-tanner was an epic fail. Read More »

Be My Boyfriend: Bodybuilder Who Forgot To Apply Fake Tanner To His Face

Be My BF: Mullet
His mullet got him kicked out of a bar. Read More »
Be My BF: Poem Tattoo
We love his poem tattoo. Read More »
Be My BF: Drunk
This guy was too drunk to pose for his own mug shot. Read More »
Be My BF: Taco Cop
This guy got arrested for giving a cop tacos instead of his ID. Read More »

Dear Number 49,

Congrats on making it to the Super Heavyweight finals at the Arnold Classic Europe in Madrid this weekend! That’s awesome! I’m sorry that you didn’t win, but still, you were the star of the show. I wish I could say you were getting attention for all your hard work and dedication to the sport of bodybuilding. I cannot. Number 49, people are talking smack about your two-tone tan. It looks like you forgot to slather fake tanner on your face.

Keep reading »

Please Explain: Why Can’t I Get A Tan?

LiLo's Self-Tanner Sucks
Sevin Nyne self tanner photo
Jessica's beauty test drive of Sevin Nyne self-tanner was an epic fail. Read More »

Each summer, as I dare to don the shorter garments in my closet, I’m taken back to junior high gym class. Playing kickball and running laps with no athletic ability was pretty humiliating, but worse was doing it as the most pallid, Gollum-like adolescent in the gym. As classmates caught sight of my near translucent, purplish legs, I’d hear the common refrain: “Get a tan, girl!”

Could I get a tan? Should I get a tan? I’ve asked myself these questions countless times  since I first came to realize I looked borderline cadaverous. Now, more than a decade later, I have the answers. Keep reading »

When Weird Tan Lines Happen To Celebrities

When “Jersey Shore”‘s Deena Cortese was arrested for disorderly conduct and public drunkenness this past weekend, we discovered she was guilty of another offense: Crazy tan lines. How did she get that design on her butt? Also, why was she wearing slippers in public? And cuddling with a giant stuffed animal? I guess we’ll have to wait until next season to find out how the meatball ended up in such hot sauce. I’m already suspecting that she is feeling the pressure to fill Snooki’s shoes now that she’s pregnant. Meaning … SOBER. Click through to see more of the weirdest celebrity tan lines we’ve ever seen. [The Superficial]

Help Me Find A Natural-Looking Self-Tanner That’s Right For My Fair Skin! (Snooki And John Travolta Need Not Apply)

Snooki Self-Tanner
snooki photo
What kind of person purchases Snooki's self-tanner? Read More »
Tanning Mom
Mother arrested for allegedly putting her 5-year-old in a tanning bed. Read More »

I wouldn’t know if I could tan naturally because I’ve never actually tried. Aside from the fact that, you know, the sun wants to give you cancer and shit, I’m just not someone who has ever liked to bask outside and broil. My brother and I, unlike our medium-skinned parents and the rest of our family on both sides, are both super-fair, easily burnt freckle faces. We often wonder whose children we actually are (in fact, we both bear a slight resemblance to Guy Fieri). In summers of yore I’ve been totally content with my bright white (seriously, I am the whitest) complexion, but I think I’m on the brink of a change of heart. Frightened by the starkness of my legs, and sporting a subtle, summery ombré fade in my hair, I am ready to join the rest of the world and get a tan. Not a real tan, of course — I still hate laying outside. It’s so boring. Whatever! Problem is, I can’t seem to find the right self-tanner for my skin tone. I figured Jergens Natural Glow was a safe place to start, but the incredibly overwhelming smell put me off after applying it twice. Seriously, I wanted to run away from myself. Keep reading »

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