Tag Archives: taco bell

Taco Bell Is A Lie

I don’t know why I expected better from Taco Bell, but here’s what puts the nail in the coffin of any faith I had in them: Apparently you can just throw any — or all — of their ingredients together, in any proportion, and come out of it with an acceptable product.

What is that? That is not how food is supposed to work. Usually if you just throw 15 ingredients together in a random pattern, your recipe is destined to taste like crud. What that means is that Taco Bell’s ingredients are so bland/salty/sugary that it just doesn’t make a difference what you do with them. What that also means is that any “new” product they come up with basically just tastes like every other product on the menu, and we’re fooling ourselves with marketing-speak.

Which is not to say I wouldn’t eat there if I really, really needed some starch. It’s still better than Denny’s. [Consumerist]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Posted A Craigslist Ad For Someone To Take Him On A Taco Bell Run During The Blizzard

Dear Taco Dude,

First of all, I’d like to let you know that I feel your pain. While you were weathering the blizzard in Baltimore, I was also snowed in and hungry in New York City. It sucks to have a “shItty little hybrid douchemobile” that won’t make it to your neighborhood Taco Bell when it’s “snowing like a bitch outside” (not to mention the “few drinks too many” you’d thrown back), but dude, put yourself in my snow boots! Not only did I not have a ride in last night’s storm, I don’t own a car and getting a taxi in NYC would have been like an act of God. My hungry ass had to huff it, through the snowdrifts and gusts of icy wind, to the local bodega for whatever scraps I could find. A sad turkey sandwich. No tacos for me. Keep reading »

Debate This: Okay, So What’s The Big Deal About Horse Meat?

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horse meat

For the past couple of weeks, there’s been a major scandal brewing, regarding the use of horse meat in food products that were advertised as beef. Horse meat was found in meatballs at Ikea (the company says only its European stores); at British Taco Bells; and some meat in supermarket freezers in Ireland and Britain.

For me, it seemed like not really a big deal. As you all probably know by now, I’m a self-righteous vegan (that was sarcastic). I’ve been vegetarian for more than 20 years and vegan just this past year, and so my perspective is “meat is meat is meat.” As someone who doesn’t equivocate when it comes to animals, for me, eating pigs or cows is just as absurd as eating horses or, I don’t know, pegacorns. So when I saw people freaking out about the idea that horse meat might be in their tacos and gourmet Ikea Swedish meatballs (and seriously, those meatballs are likely made of equal parts horse and particle board), I was like whaaaaa? Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Handcuffed Himself To A Taco Bell Employee He Fancied

Be My BF: Gassy Chef
Congratulations on farting on all of your employees, sexy! Read More »
Be My BF: Mobile Office
He built the most epic mobile office. Read More »
Be My BF: Panty Thief
This man's passion in life is stealing women's underwear. Read More »

Dear Jason Earl Dean,

I understand that this week a judge sentenced you to four years in prison for handcuffing yourself to a woman who wouldn’t go out with you. Apparently, her Taco Bell coworkers heard her screaming, and rushed outside to find you cuffed to this woman. When they approached, you let her go. According to reports, you’d been asking her out for like, a month, so I’m sure it seemed like a perfectly logical thing to do at the time — because life is a Dane Cook rom-com. Keep reading »

Doritos Taco Is Taco Bell’s Biggest Hit Ever

You may have scoffed when Taco Bell unveiled its Doritos Locos Taco—a taco wrapped in a Nacho Cheese Doritos-flavored shell—but the masses apparently love it, because it’s become Taco Bell’s most successful launch ever. More than 200 million have been sold since March, leading to a much-needed boost in revenue for the fast food chain. Read more …

Today In Terribleness: Woman Attempts To Sell Baby At Taco Bell

A woman in Washington was arrested for allegedly making a run to the border with her three-day-old son. Officials responded when they received a 911 call reporting that 36-year-old Heidi-Lynn Knowles had approached a patron at the local Taco Bell and tried to sell her a baby for $500. The woman and her infant were located by cops at a local motel, where the child was immediately taken into custody. I know Taco Bell has a value menu and all, but whether it was birther’s remorse or a desire for drug money, Knowles should have been asking way more for her baby burrito. In all seriousness, WHAT? Let’s hope this sweet baby is placed in a loving home soon. [Seattle Times] Keep reading »

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