It’s Wednesday, and is it just me, or has work been especially hard as we head towards the calorific holiday season? Just be glad that you won’t be critiqued by millions on your pecan pie-induced weight gain, and when you get too drunk at the office party, you won’t have to read about it on the cover of a magazine the next day. Celebrities aren’t so lucky. But their pain is our gain because their (possibly fictional) dramas are usually more interesting than anything we could make up on our own. And because we love you so much, we’ve read every tabloid that came out today and hand-picked the juiciest stories. Enjoy!

It’s hump day again, and while you might not be taking advantage of your opportunity to “hump” today,  it’s safe to assume that the stars are busy enough for the rest of the population—at least if you think everything you read is true! Once again, we’ve hand-plucked the juiciest tabloid stories for your media consumption, so take it with several grains of salt, and eat it up!

Cha-ching. Word on the street is that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom banked $300K selling the exclusive rights to their wedding photos to OK! Magazine. That’s not too shabby for a week’s work. Could this be why they super fast-tracked their nuptials? [The Fab Life]

While that sounds like a lot of money for pics of Lamar smearing cake in Khloe’s face, this is actually kind of a bargain-basement price. Here’s what other celebs made for their wedding photos.

It’s not even technically hump day since it’s a four-day week, so why are you even pretending you’re tired? To be fair, you blew too many brain cells on Labor Day weekend, and heaven knows you blew too many dollars. So save yourself from losing more of either by getting all your tabloid goo in one go, cause we’ve picked the most important cover stories from all the grainiest of tabloids. Enjoy!

Ahh, humpday. Time to woman-up for the remainder of the week and take solace in the fact that while you have to be at work, the only people that care to gossip about you are hovering around the water cooler pointing at you right now. You could be famous and getting pummeled by the rumor mill on a weekly basis! Here are the highlights from the tabloids this week.

Oh hooray! The tabloids are out! It’s a great time for celebrity news because everyone’s breaking up and then humping each other’s legs. Or they’re going on revenge diets, or falling in love all over again. It’s like the birds and the bees, but the birds have stingers, too. Ahhh, I love Hollywood.

I have no idea how much my own weight has fluctuated in the past couple of years, but I can tell you all about Kirstie Alley’s rides on the bathroom scale. And Melissa Joan Hart’s. And Britney’s and Kelly Clarkson’s and…well, you get the idea. A girl can’t grocery shop without 42-point font headlines screaming about another celeb’s double digit weight loss.

The problem isn’t just opportunistic tabloid editors making a quick buck. As Times’ Sunday Styles section pointed out, the “Ass Size Ad Nauseum” problem is not so simple. No, some celebs are more than happy to tell us all about their jiggly parts.

ZOMG! Did you hear?! President Obama is GAY!  According to The Globe, that is. Tabloids sell amazing lies that millions of people buy.  While it would have been doubly empowering for America to not only elect its first African-American, but also its first openly homosexual President, these rumors are just fun fantasies good for a laugh—which we could all use right about now. Guess that’s why The National Enquirer is America’s best selling weekly “newspaper.” Here are our favorite outrageously LOL rag-mag cover stories…

Brangelina just had twins and the magazine covers of OK! and Star are at it again, claiming that Brad’s ex, Jennifer Aniston, is desperate to not be far behind on the procreation bandwagon. While Aniston’s rep denied the rumor today, we still find the story to be pretty messed up.  First of all, Jennifer went from being America’s Sweetheart to America’s #1 Cougar in the span of just a few years. And sure, she’s headed straight for the big 4-0, but we didn’t see anyone flinch when 50-something bachelor George Clooney went monogamous with Sarah Larson a few months ago (albeit just for a bit).  No one was putting him on the cover of their trash mag claiming he wanted to settle down and spawn. Not every lady’s biological clock is ticking.

So, The National Enquirer is claiming that John Edwards has a mistress and a love child and that he was totally caught visiting with them at a hotel recently. All this while his wife Elizabeth is still dealing with cancer. Now, this is the National Enquirer we’re talking about, so this is hardly FACT, but politicians stepping out on their wives is hardly an original rumor. Besides, despite the fact that my Grandma calls it “the trash”, they have been right on more than one occasion. Our lovely intern Annika revisits the Enquirer‘s moments of “A-ha! We told you so!”