It’s a beautiful summer day in Hollywood and the celebs are just waking up, yawning in their beds, blissfully unaware that the tabloids have smeared their lives all over their covers. Today there are baby bumps, drugs, breakups, and lots of gay things going town in Tabloidville. Luckily, we’re here to scan and condense it into delicious tabby soup. That sounded so wrong. Start slurping! Keep reading »
I don’t know if you guys realize this, but it’s almost summer. And if you remember what happened last summer, I’ll remind you delicately—stars fell left and right. I think that this time around, we need to take better care of them. “Intervention” has a lot of work to do and to maintain balance, we might need some new celebrity babies. And who’s gonna be there when all this goes down? The tabloids. Hooray! And celebrities are like fairies—you have to believe in them. After the jump, the most interesting, maybe-true stories from this week’s tabloids. Keep reading »
Another Wednesday, another sex scandal. You’d think that celebrity men would quit sleeping with call-girls since selling their stories to the tabloids is obviously more lucrative than spending an hour with them. But it’s not sad sack time in Tabloid Town—there are also plenty of new babies to ogle and a few marriages that have yet to be tarnished. Equally important, you’re almost half-way through your work week! Woohoo! And as a reward, we’ve rounded up the best tabloid stories just for you. Keep reading »
It’s hump day again and since it’s springtime, we should all take a cue from the bunnies and take advantage of the verb. Looks like the celebs are busy enough for the rest of the population, at least if you believe everything you read is true. And why wouldn’t you? Wasn’t it God who invented these magical little magazines compiled of virtue and veritas? Oh, it wasn’t? Well, screw it—they’re fun, frivolous, and you don’t even have to read the whole thing because we hand-picked the juiciest stories, just for you! So now you can make time for other spring activities. Keep reading »
I don’t know how it’s May already. But I guess that just like in nature, the tabloid’s April showers have brought May flowers. And by flowers, I mean more babies, slightly more upbeat stories, and my favorite story of the day, “Hollywood Housekeepers Tell All.” I guess there’s something about the sunshine and crisp spring air that has made everyone so generous with their pithy quotes and half-naked cover stories. And because I know you’re too excited to even leave the house, we’ve rounded up the best stories in today’s tabloids. So go spend your money on some Quick Trim. Just kidding. Don’t do that. Damn you, tabloid marketing! Keep reading »
It’s a totally beautiful day today and amidst all the drama in the world, the tabloids are miraculously upbeat. Everyone lost a bunch of weight and celebs are being really nice to each other this week. Most importantly, Sandra Bullock has a new baby! I know I should have given you guys a spoiler alert, but I’m so excited. And so you can be just as happy as I am, we’ve rounded up the top stories from this week’s tabloids in a convenient cheat sheet. We wouldn’t want you to get a paper-cut or anything. Keep reading »
It seems that with spring in the air, everyone is boarding the baby train, which I guess makes most people all weepy with joy. But over here at the Curmudgeon Club, we don’t advocate such horizontal hijinks and merry manhandling. Everyone needs to knock it off. I don’t want to read about how happy everyone is—the tabloid business is built on deception and dissing. It’s pure laziness to avoid one’s responsibility to the public. Thankfully, there’s still enough to go around. For now. And we’ve gathered it up in this handy guide to this week’s tabloid sacrifices. You’re welcome. Keep reading »
While I’ve been digesting Easter Peeps and other things that aren’t meant to be broken down by the human body, the stars have been suuuper busy falling in love, getting in bikini shape, breaking up, and throwing tantrums. They make me feel so lazy. But learning about their trials and tribulations is almost like leaving the house, so it’s my pleasure to pour over the weekly rags to bring you the best and worst of tabloid fodder. Keep reading »
Happy springtime, birdies! Love is in the air and flowers are … starting to think about flowering sometime relatively soon? But here in Hollywood, the stars are already tending to the birds and the bees. They’re hunting for the metaphorical egg and checking out each other’s baskets. It’s a total moral free-for-all most of the time, so it’s a good thing that they’re being stalked watched by the paparazzi and an even better thing that we’ve rounded up the major stories for you so you don’t even have to leave your computer! Keep reading »
There seems to be a massive fail in celebrity couplings lately, with actresses leaving their husbands and husbands collecting grody mistresses. But what will this mean for tabloid town? It’s gonna be a musical chairs of alleged lovers and wife-swapping, that’s what. It also means that the trashiest of journalistic endeavors have become approximately 42 percent more interesting. And because you only care just enough, we’ve saved you the time and money and read all the tabloids for you! And we’ll take those paper-cut penalties, just because we care. Keep reading »
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