tabloid cheat sheet - Page 3

Entertainment

It seems that with spring in the air, everyone is boarding the baby train, which I guess makes most people all weepy with joy. But over here at the Curmudgeon Club, we don’t advocate such horizontal hijinks and merry manhandling. Everyone needs to knock it off. I don’t want to read about how happy everyone… READ MORE »


Entertainment

While I’ve been digesting Easter Peeps and other things that aren’t meant to be broken down by the human body, the stars have been suuuper busy falling in love, getting in bikini shape, breaking up, and throwing tantrums. They make me feel so lazy. But learning about their trials and tribulations is almost like leaving… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Happy springtime, birdies! Love is in the air and flowers are … starting to think about flowering sometime relatively soon? But here in Hollywood, the stars are already tending to the birds and the bees. They’re hunting for the metaphorical egg and checking out each other’s baskets. It’s a total moral free-for-all most of the… READ MORE »


Entertainment

There seems to be a massive fail in celebrity couplings lately, with actresses leaving their husbands and husbands collecting grody mistresses. But what will this mean for tabloid town? It’s gonna be a musical chairs of alleged lovers and wife-swapping, that’s what. It also means that the trashiest of journalistic endeavors have become approximately 42… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I’m already drunk. Kidding, of course. Just because today is almost a national holiday, kind of, does not mean that celebrities get the day off from our constant surveillance. Au contraire, mon frere—today is just like any other Wednesday except with more green. And to help you save some of that… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Another week, another round of rumors. Thank goodness we had the Oscars this weekend to bring everyone together in one place, creating a breeding ground for drama! It’s inevitable when you put all the beautiful people together that something sexy will happen. Because we’re so generous, we took out the hard part of reading the… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Every Wednesday, the tabloids bring tragedy, intrigue, and lust into our lives. It’s kind of like modern-day soap operas, only instead of fictional story lines or made-up characters, they’ve cast celebrities you already know and love and pretend that it’s all 100 percent true. And since reality television has taken over for scripted drama, but… READ MORE »


Celebs

As the new year settles into same-old, same-old, the tabloids once again grasp for insights into celebrity lives. The weight loss, the weight gain, the cheating, lying, engagements, reunions, and insanity riddles the flimsy pages. These are the all-important “facts” you need to know until next week, when a new set of tabloids arises, like… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Hopefully, you’ve all recovered from your presumably dramatic Valentine’s Days and are ready to start preparing for the only slightly less romantic St. Patrick’s Day. Meanwhile, Hollywood is always reeling with cheating, lies, rehab, and loose lips and the tabloids represent the ever-present Big Brother. And because it makes you feel dirty to acknowledge you… READ MORE »


Entertainment

We’re mere days away from Valentine’s Day and love is in the air! And by love, I mean baby daddies! Philanderers had better start running because there are 9-irons with your names on them and the tabloids have made sure that none of you are safe. Besides the cheating, there are also a lot of… READ MORE »


Celebs

Happy hump day! It’s almost my least favorite holiday, Valentine’s Day, which means that love is in the air. This means that the tabloids are going crazy over star couplings and it’s starting to feel like musical chairs up in here. I know, it’s really hard to keep up. But this is why we do… READ MORE »


Entertainment

I don’t know how, but it’s Wednesday again. Time to head over to TGIW for some wings and beer and pretend there aren’t 2.5 more days left in the work week. And with all the excitement of award shows and new TV seasons starting up again, you might not have realized that celebrities have been… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Well, it’s a new decade and though the apocalypse might be upon us, it hasn’t happened yet. So, take solace in that and the fact that when the time does come, people will probably still be looking to celebrities instead of you. This week, the gang was up to all their usual hijinks and the… READ MORE »


Entertainment

How’s 2010 going for you guys so far? I think it’s totally going to be the best year ever and I haven’t felt that way since … 2000? And it’s not just because everyone’s quitting their jobs, which means we have a better chance of stealing them. It’s not even because LiLo is super optimistic,… READ MORE »


Entertainment

Now that the holidays are over, we’re expected to actually work on our New Year’s resolutions. Whatever they may be, the tabloids are here to help. Oh, you wanted to lose weight? Here are a bunch of celebrities in bikinis making you feel like a slob! Want to spend less time gossiping about people? Well,… READ MORE »


Entertainment

How you define today really says a lot about your personality. It’s a Rorschach Test, if you will. There are some of you who are no doubt thinking about today as Christmas Eve Eve day. There are others who are no doubt excited because it’s the last full work day before a break. But then… READ MORE »


Entertainment

There are nine days until Christmas. I don’t know if you understand what that means in tabloid time, but I’m going to tell you anyway: There is going to be a huge push to make something significant happen in Hollywood. We’re talking love, people. In the next two weeks, major love will be happening in… READ MORE »


Entertainment

It’s hump day again and since it’s the holiday season, we wish goodwill towards men. Except when those men go around shtupping a dozen ladies on the side, breaking hearts, and impregnating uteruses. And just so we always know who the bad guys are, we scrounge up all the totally, kinda true rumors about everyone… READ MORE »