Eat your heart out, Miley Cyrus. Anyone can hump Robin Thicke’s Beetlejuice costume on a stage full of people. But it takes real cojones — and, um, possibly a death wish — to jump down on the tracks of the New York City subway system and twerk on the rails. DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDDIES. Don’t want to drop too low and hit that third rail. [Gothamist]
All the jokes about going downtown just write themselves, don’t they?
When a man masturbates in public, it’s creepy and it’s criminal and women feel at best grossed out and at worst violated. When a woman masturbates in public, it’s …. a really funny article for Cosmoplitan? Keep reading »
Ask the average subway-riding woman what her number one public transportation pet peeve is and chances are good she’ll say, “Men taking up too much room because they seem to think they’ve got watermelons for testicles” or something to that effect. Yes, men who sit with their legs spread wide like they’re holding a yoga ball between their knees are everywhere. Including Westeros! I was clicking around a new Tumblr blog called Men Taking Up Too Much Space On The Train and stumbled upon this familiar face — it’s Robb Stark from “Game of Thrones”! Just look at actor Richard Madden sitting on the London tube like its the Iron Throne, his mighty manhood requiring so much excess room that the person to his left is seemingly forced to sit on the edge of his seat. Please. Everyone knows it’s little sister Arya who has the biggest balls in the Stark family. [Men Taking Up Too Much Space On The Train]
You’d think that it’d be pretty obvious: clipping your nails in a public place, especially a crowded subway car, is a bad idea. Not just a bad idea, but also a very unhygienic one. And yet! People still feel totally comfortable doing things they should probably only ever do in the privacy of their own homes, under the veil of anonymity on public transportation. Some fed-up soul put up this subway etiquette poster reminding commuters that, no, clipping your rotting toenails is not appropriate public transportation behavior. As the sign notes, “it’s crazy that this even has to be mentioned,” and yet, unfortunately, it really does. [Twitter]
Dear Ian Jett, Subway sandwich artist in Columbus, Ohio,
Look, I get it. You don’t like your job. Sometimes when we’re bored at work, we have this overpowering desire to whip out our genitals and rub it all over things. It’s totally understandable.
But why did you have to be so dumb to let someone take a picture of it and post it on Instagram under your real name? Keep reading »
Dear Couple Sucking Face,
The first time I saw you, in Manhattan’s Union Square station, I thought maybe you were saying goodbye, for like, a long time. How else to explain the five minutes of intense, face-sucking, ass-grabbing making out you two were getting into? As you stood there, right where the station splits off between the N, R and L trains, hundreds of commuters strode by, many of them transfixed by your tongues darting in and out of each other’s mouths. I stopped and watched for a second, too, concocting a fictional back story for the strange configuration in front of me. He worked in finance, and was heading down to Wall Street to trade some futures or something. She’d been visiting from out of town, flying back to her home in Minneapolis, to a soul-sucking job as an insurance adjuster. This makeout session was the culmination of five days of total bliss, sealed with promises to return as soon as possible.
But oh, I was so wrong about you two. Keep reading »
How do you out-creep a total creepster? It’s a question for the ages, and one that writer Chris Brecheen had often pondered. For years, Brecheen listened to his female friends complain about getting unwanted attention by men on public transportation. No matter what they did — wear headphones, keep their heads down, ignore them –– men would continue to harass them on the subway. In a post on his blog last week, Brecheen addressed the all-too familiar story:
It is the narrative of how men hit on women in public places. A tired old story if ever there were one. A story where consent is not a character we actually ever meet, and where the real antagonist is not a person, but rather the way she has been socialized to be polite, to be civil, to not be “such a bitch”. … no matter how much of a Douchasauras Rex HE is being about not picking up the subtle clues.
On a recent subway ride, Brecheen, who lives in San Francisco, witnessed yet another creepster bothering a woman on the train. Despite an empty train car, the headphones she wore and the book she was reading, the man began pestering her with questions: Keep reading »
Can we all just agree, as a society, no oral sex on public transportation? Kthx. Two couples were filmed on a New York City subway giving/receiving blowjobs in a very NSFW video posted on World Star Uncut. It’s way too overacted to be real, in my opinion — or maybe I’m just not giving my blowjobs vigorously enough. Is this a spontaneous act of teenaged bad decision making? Porn actors filming a gonzo video? Does it matter? There could be no grosser setting than a 6 train car with the faint smell of urine and unforgiving flourescent lighting. BRB, off to buy my hand sanitizer in triplicate. [Gothamist]
Public transportation is good for many things, like watching the breeding habits of rodents and sharing the flu virus. But what about finding love? Keep reading »
This is an image taken directly from the New York City MTA of what one of the downtown subway stations looks like post-Hurricane Sandy. That’s an entire subway tunnel full of water — and salt water at that — which rusts out subway trains and tracks, leaving them non-functioning. Whoa boy.