Stupid mainstreaming of stripper culture. If I have to read another article about recession strippers, pole dancing classes, or strippers-turned-respectable-citizens, I’m going to throw my platforms at the cat. Our audience has changed, and instead of show behavior being learned by a young man on the occasion of his 18th or 21st birthday, it’s imparted from Auto-Tuned vocals and lists on the web. I’ve seen customers like the girl who slapped my ass so hard she bruised me, or the guy who threw quarters wrapped in dollar bills onto the stage. However, I assume ignorance before malice on their part, and, in that spirit, I offer these etiquette tips for customers in the strip club.

My boyfriend—I mean actor Channing Tatum—appeared on “The Ellen DeGeneres” show this week to promote his latest movie, “Dear John,” which managed to knock “Avatar” out of the box-office top spot this past weekend. Of course, Ellen brought up Tatum’s former career as a male stripper—watch the video to see the proof—and cajoled the actor into giving her a little demo. Sadly, Tatum could only work up the energy to squat over Ellen’s lap and pop his booty a few times. Ellen’s right. A few dollar bills might have prompted a more enthusiastic showing.

“Oh no!” My boyfriend started moaning. “This is not going to be a classy affair! Do I have to go?”

As far as invitations go, this one was direct: Montreal. Drinking. Strippers. Ah, yes, an invitation to a bachelor party from one of his high school buddies.

“He’s one of your best friends,” I shrugged. “It would hurt his feelings if you bailed.”

“But it’s going to be awwwwwwwful!”

And that’s how I found myself in the rather odd position of a woman who has less of a problem with her guy going to a bachelor party than he does.

Years ago, I interviewed Lily Burana, a former exotic dancer who wrote a book about her “farewell tour” dancing at strip clubs across the country. Earlier this year, I interviewed her again, about her latest book, one in which she chronicles the difficulties she experienced when her Army officer husband was deployed to Iraq. Now, the New York Times has a profile of Burana and her Operation Bombshell, which offers burlesque dancing classes to military wives. (Make sure to check out the accompanying audio slide show for a peek behind the scenes.) These aren’t classes in how to strip for your man; as Burana explains: “This is more Ava Gardner than Britney.” Instead, Army wives learn the fine art of peeling off their gloves, the “showgirl bounce,” and how to work a boa. Ultimately, says Burana, Operation Bombshell fosters camaraderie among military wives through a little sexy fun during these challenging times. [New York Times]

‘Tis the season! That’s right—Christmas. We all endure the holidays with that familiar combination of dread and enjoyment. So much to look forward to! There are the office parties, the family get-togethers, the decorations, and the gift exchanges. Everyone has their own unique holiday traditions. My favorite tradition is to spend the holidays in the buff. In fact, the holidays just aren’t the same if I’m not naked. Why? Because I’m a stripper, and naked is what I do best.

“I don’t mind being called [a stripper] because that is what I do, but I don’t understand why there is such a taboo attached to it. Basically what I do is like an actress that has nude scenes in a movie, it’s part of the role and its part of what my show is. It’s not really any different. I think it’s just too easy for people to criticize.”

—Dita Von Teese, whose not-at-all-revealing offstage outfits support this reasoning [Fox News via Cele|bitchy]

And you thought all strippers were women. Think again! The dudes are no shrinking violets when it comes to climbing up ye olde stripper pole. At the World Pole Dancing Competition in Tokyo, men and women mounted the brass rail to show off their best barely clad aerial acrobatics. This was the first year that men had their own division at the competition, and women came from around the world to compete in their division. While exotic dancing in gentlemen’s clubs involves nudity and sometimes raunch, “The only ‘x’ in the sport is exercise,” asserts the narrator in this video of contenders. So, what’s the difference between male pole dancers and female dancers? No stripper shoes.

Someone should tell the craftsman who whittled the lil’ pole dancer on these 7” wedges that stripper heels are usually made of clear plastic. But, hey, whatevs. The $175 price tag on eBay is a steal for such an, um, unique item. (Although we’re pretty sure falling off 7” tall shoes will break your neck.)  [Trend de la Creme]

Deja Vu in Las Vegas has come up with an exotic idea for how to get people to their club. They’ve created a stripper mobile. Yes, really. It has glass walls and a pole in the back where one of the club’s best dancers performs as it drives through town. The truck makes its rounds between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. and the girls wear bikinis, but still—there is the whole issue of kiddies seeing the funny business going down inside. And as the reporter in the video points out, what happens if the truck has to stop short? [CNN]

Have you heard about Nicole Forrester? She’s a dancer at the hilariously named Tattletale club, where she says she began an acquaintance with Josh Duhamel that ended in a one-night stand. Nicole says the National Enquirer told her the story would be published whether she participated or not, and then gave her $20K, presumably as payment for the interview and polygraph test she provided. That money does buy a lot of stripper heels, but it’s not enough to solve many problems these days. Did she just want the money or is she telling the truth? [People]

Doesn’t it seem like a lot of strippers have made claims about the men of Hollywood? After the jump, a few similar stories.

The ‘80s. Male strippers. What more could a girl ask for? Variety says director Tony Scott (“Top Gun,” “True Romance”) has signed on to direct a movie about Steve Banerjee, who created the male stripper phenomenon that is the Chippendales. Banerjee started out pumping gas and ended up the uber-wealthy head of the dudes-in-thongs phenomenon. Ultimately, he fell from his lofty male stripper pedestal when he hired a hit man to take out his choreographer over a contract dispute, and then died in jail while awaiting trial. It’s “Footloose” meets “Flashdance” meets “Showgirls” meets “Goodfellas”! I can hardly wait. Here’s hoping Brad Pitt signs on to star as Banerjee. [Variety]

While pinup girls make regular appearances on everything from jewelry to automobile mud flaps, we don’t see pinup guys, well, anywhere. Thankfully, tableware company Fishs Eddy has come up with a set of cheeky (har, har) glasses to fill the void. Featuring a pole dancer in butt-baring chaps, these 13.5 oz. cups are certainly one tall drink of water. [$20 for 4, Fishs Eddy]

When 52-year-old Jo Ellen Nolan lost her job this year, she jumped right up and landed a new one—as an exotic dancer. I think that’s fantastic; I’m much younger than her, and I don’t consider my legs eligible for that kind of backup plan. Jo Ellen expected that the younger strippers at the club would treat her like a mama bear, but when she met 22-year-old Chetania Davis, who goes by the stage name “Beautiful,” she shouted at Jo Ellen, “Just what I need, another new bitch.” Beautiful then launched herself at Jo Ellen in the dressing room, stabbing her in the head with the heel of a stiletto. Beautiful went AWOL, like the stripper who tasered a cocktail waitress, but was later arrested. Jo Ellen had to get seven staples to treat the cuts on her forehead. Beautiful plead guilty Tuesday to a misdemeanor assault charge and was sentenced to a year of probation and a six-month suspended sentence. Jo Ellen, her dancing career over, has registered with a temp agency. There is no word on what happened to the other shoe. [AP]

It’s OK to laugh because she got up, walked away, and posted the video on the internet.

Ah, Friday on the internet. A world of interspecial love and forbidden kitteh dances. On the less cute but no less hypnotizing front, the terminally cranky Copyranter brings us this unauthorized viral ad for Domestos house cleaner. Click play if you dare to find out what happens when you leave an older guy alone in a room with a stripper pole. (Hint: It isn’t pretty.) Good thing he had that bottle of Domestos disinfectant handy, no? [Copyranter]

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall at the Detroit City Council meeting yesterday. DJs, strippers, and club owners descended on the council, begging to be left alone. See, Detroit’s city government is trying to put regulations on the adult entertainment industry and has proposed that dancers stay at least six feet away from patrons onstage and 18 inches away when they’re on the floor—meaning that there can be no intentional physical contact. So long, lap dances! I’m not a guy, but what’s the appeal of paying to be six feet from a naked woman when there’s free internet porn? There are 33 strip clubs in Detroit and many of the dancers are parents putting themselves through school or people who just have limited job choices. One single mother and dancer said, “All of us are young. There’s nothing else out there. There’s no jobs.” The executive director of the Association of Club Executives in Michigan and California says the clubs bring in over $3 million a year to Detroit. Religious figures from Perfecting Church and Second Ebenezer Church (how evil villain-core are those names?!) came to support the city, and the government hired a Tennessee attorney who’s apparently the master at closing strip clubs to consult for a mere $75,000. [Freep]

For those fascinated with stripper-on-stripper violence, have we got a story for you. Well, technically, it’s stripper-on-cocktail waitress violence. Anyway, at Cabaret North, a topless club in Fort Worth, Texas, exotic dancer Kathleen Bennett got in an argument with waitress Jennifer McReynolds. As they exchanged words, a manager fired Bennett. A few minutes later, Bennett was caught on tape tasering McReynolds. McReynolds apparently followed her as she fled the club, so Bennett tasered her again. Police are still looking for Bennett. Note to self: the next time I feel the urge to fight a woman with weapon-length nails—just let her win. A taser to the face evidently causes a black eye. [DListed]