Friskians, pop quiz time! (Disclaimer: If your boss is standing nearby, please close this window ASAP. But then again, you would never cruise the internet during work hours would you?) Imagine you work in an office: You consider yourself a dutiful, honest employee, though you may have taken an extra granola bar or two from the office’s kitchen stash. In your spare time you have taken on some volunteer work helping out a non-profit company with a special project. You are tasked with making 10,000 copies for an upcoming meeting at the non-profit. Do you:

A) Go to Kinkos and pay way too much for the copies.

B) Ask your employer permission to make 10,000 copies for a “good cause.” Corporations love “good causes.”

C) Sneak into the office wearing all black at 9 p.m. when the last workaholic has gone home and make the copies.

D) Tell the non-profit company that you can’t afford to volunteer for them anymore and that they should find richer volunteers.

Talk about stealing from the cookie jar. In Dayton, Ohio a former Girl Scout troop leader, Tamara Jo Ward, was convicted of taking $28,000 over the course of five years from the bank account where her troop stored their cookie money. Using a debit card, she used the money to pay her bills, buy groceries, and even go on vacation. But she got caught. And yesterday, she was sentenced to cough up $20,000 in restitution. Ward’s going to have to be a tough cookie to deal with all of those angry girl scouts. Maybe they should make a new badge in her honor? Something with the scales of justice embroidered on it? [Dayton Daily News]

Some men in the Congo fear that their penises have been stolen or shrunk by sorcerers. (Guys, you were born that way! You can’t blame your small size on a sorcerer!) Reports of penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where witchcraft remains widespread, and things can get pretty violent as accusations fly. A decade ago, 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs, so these days, police arrest suspected victims and sorcerers to prevent violence. “I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke,” said Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, Kinshasa’s police chief. “But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’.” [Reuters]

Maybe you’ve never admitted it out loud, but we all have the capacity to be cruel. The Bad Girlfriend has the capacity and then some. She’s a friend of ours who we love for being trustworthy and smart, funny and exceedingly loyal…to her girlfriends, that is. But boyfriends? That’s another story. We pity the fools who end up on her arm—give it a few months, a year, even three, and suddenly they won’t know what hit ‘em. We don’t expect you to love her, but we do expect that you may, begrudgingly, see a bit of yourself in her bad deeds.

You know that song by No Doubt, “Ex-Girlfriend”? The chorus goes, “Kind of always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend”? When I hear that song, I change the words to this: “Kind of always knew I’d end up a bad girlfriend,” because no matter what, I inevitably do. I don’t mean to be sleazy. I don’t set out thinking, “I’m going to cheat, lie, and steal from this sucker,” each time I enter a new relationship, but I do. For some reason, I am totally cruel to dudes. Still, after each fresh new breakup, I feel that I’ve learned a valuable lesson from the experience. And that counts for something, right?