I just ate sushi for lunch and I had octopus ceviche last night for dinner. I eat so much seafood. I think I am going to pass out right now. Full panic onset. I just read about this case from the Journal of Parasitology where a Korean woman’s mouth was inseminated by a cooked squid. I say cooked meaning it was dead. So back to the story. The 63-year-old experienced pain in her mouth after eating a boiled squid’s internal organs. She had a “pricking and foreign-body sensation” in her mouth. When she went to the hospital, doctors removed a bunch of “small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva.” Translation: Squid sperm.
There are three things I’m going to do and in this order: 1) Brush my teeth for peace of mind, 2) Eliminate calamari from my diet forever,
3) Go watch the video of “Baby Without a Face.” That’s the only thing I can think of that scares me more than the thought of my dinner trying to impregnate my mouth. [i09]
[Writer's note: I believe this came out differently than intended. I was trying to use an example of something that upset me. On second thought it's distasteful. My apologies.]
Wilmington City Councilwoman Loretta Walsh was fed up with the recent spate of fetal personhood bills, which aim to declare that a woman’s fertilized egg is somehow the same as a “person.” So she decided to challenge those bills by introducing one of her own — a resolution to recognize the sacred life present in each sperm. Walsh drafted a resolution aimed at making it illegal for men to waste sperm. According to the language of the resolution:
[E]ach ‘egg person’ and each ‘sperm person’ should be deemed equal in the eyes of the government and be subject to the same laws and regulations as any other dependent minor and be protected against abuse, neglect or abandonment by the parent or guardian.
Keep reading »
To a young guy with not much money, sperm donation seems too good to be true. It pays well (as we’ve pointed out before) and requires you to do nothing more than what you’d be doing anyway. And if you happen to help a childless couple along the way, that’s just icing on the cake.
Having actually been a sperm donor, I can say that you had better be prepared for a long haul. There are a lot of (horrifying) hoops to jump through, and then sperm banks expect you to masturbate like … well, like it’s your job.
And it’s not an easy one. Read more…
The world’s largest sperm bank is turning away redheaded wankers, because no one wants their sperm. The director of Cryos International said the supply of redheads, who can make up to $500 for their DNA donation, far exceeds the demand. Instead, it is sperm donors with brown hair and brown eyes who are in the biggest demand, as Cryos’ largest customer base in Italy, Greece, and Spain. Indian donors are also in high demand because India doesn’t allow the exportation of sperm. The only demand for ginger-jizz comes from the wonderland of Ireland, where it sells “like hot cakes” — and, of course, me, who seeks a donation of Prince Harry‘s redheaded sperm specifically.
[International Business Times]
[Telegraph UK] Keep reading »
Behold, woman’s new best friend. Rapports Opus is a police dog in Sweden who has been training for over a year to help police nab rapists by sniffing out sperm. This pup has just closed his first case. Last month, a woman was forced to perform oral sex on a man in a Swedish park. To help police collect evidence, Rapports Opus was brought in to find any trace amounts of semen left at the scene of the crime. Rapports Opus led investigators right to a sample that—bingo—matched the DNA of their prime suspect, a 23-year-old man. Investigators expect the court case to be open and shut. Nice work, Rapports Opus. Anyone else hoping he inspires a sequel to “K-9″? [Newser, The Local] Keep reading »
One of my biggest fashion pet peeves are what Stacy London and Clinton Kelly of “What Not to Wear” call “fancy jeans.” That’s any pair of jeans that are bedazzled, painted, embellished, or appliqued in any way. I find “fancy jeans” offensive. But these “cum wad pants” take “fancy” to a whole new level. WHO and WHY? [The Clearly Dope] Keep reading »
Last week, we read about a woman who claimed her yogurt sample tasted like semen. We haven’t touched yogurt since then and it may take us a while before we do. The best thing to cum, er, come out of that unfortunate semen story were some fun (read as revolting) descriptives for man juice found in the comments, such as “hot phlegm” and “salty trash can water.” In case you weren’t grossed out enough already by these unappetizing descriptives, we put together a list of the some disturbing slang terms for spunk. Add yours in the comments. Keep reading »
In England, a 25-year-old woman has been dubbed “The Sperm Hunter.”
What sex acts did she undertake to score this nickname?
Read more … Keep reading »
Here in NYC everyone is freaking out because the governor, backed by the mayor, has proposed a tax on sugary drinks such as soda. But beyond just balancing the budget, it looks like this law could help guys in the sack. A Danish study found that men who drink a liter or more of soda each day have a 30 percent lower sperm count than dudes who didn’t drink it at all. Keep reading »