Posts tagged "sperm"

Meet China’s Hands-Free Sperm Extractor Machine (For The Times When A Regular Handjob Won’t Do)

File this one under "Things I Had To Check Weren't A Clickhole Post First": hospitals in China have machines to extract sperm. The hands-free gizmos are used by urology departments to manually pump out semen through a "massage pipe" when extracting it the, ummm, normal way doesn't work anymore. Apparently it is used for sperm…

By: Jessica Wakeman / June 25, 2014

In Which A 67-Year-Old Teaches Us About Sperm Facials

Best-selling author (that term is used loosely in this case), life coach, couples counselor and tantric guide Stella Ralfini reveals the secret to having radiant, wrinkle-free skin at the age of 67: lots and lots of semen masks, a soft-focus lens and poor lighting. In a brilliant YouTube video, Ralfini describes how to do the beauty treatment at home: "All…

By: Ami Angelowicz / March 21, 2014

Crocheted Sperm Are Cuddly, Soft And There’s No Mess To Clean Up

Your relationship with ejaculate doesn't have to be as bad as Monica Lewinsky's to appreciate a cuddly little sperm friend! These crocheted Spermies are sold by Etsy shop Wonka's Willy Factor and are both custom- and hand(job-)made. One Spermie is $13, a three-pack is $30, and both would be enough to get you pregnant (if…

By: Jessica Wakeman / October 11, 2013

Doctor To Perform Vasectomies For A Live Audience To Make The World A Better Place

In honor of the inaugural World Vasectomy Day on October 18, Dr. Doug Stein of Florida wants to perform vasectomies at Adelaide’s Royal Institution of Australia. For a live audience. Fielding questions about the procedure. And streaming it online.

By: Mary Odell / July 10, 2013

A Kilt Is A Sperm’s Best Friend

A kilt may not be your best friend because, while it provides easy access to the junk, let's admit it, it can be hard to get it up for a man in a skirt. (I know, I know. It's not a skirt, it's traditional Scottish garb.) Even if he does have a sexy accent and…

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 24, 2013

I’m Sorry, I Refuse To Drink A Semen Cocktail

I can endorse sperm as a cure for morning sickness or even as a natural mood booster, but, I'm sorry, I refuse to drink a semen cocktail. We all have to draw the line somewhere and this where I draw mine. I refuse to walk into a bar and order a "Galliano Cum Shot" or…

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 5, 2013

Chinese Woman Applies Moisturizer, Discovers It’s Actually Semen

Oh, is it a WORST NIGHTMARE kind of day? I think it must be, because this is (one of) my actual worst nightmare(s) (I'm neurotic as hell, what can I say): a 19-year-old Chinese woman cracked open a bottle of moisturizer and used much of the contents to, you know, moisturize her face, like womenz…

By: Rachel Krause / March 7, 2013

Art School Confiscates 68 Vials Of Student’s Sperm

Are you eating? Because I can't ask you to read a blog post about an art student who stored 68 vials of his own sperm in a school fridge without making sure. Marc Bradley Johnson, 23, who attends the School of Visual Arts in New York City, planned an exhibition called "Take This Sperm And…

By: Jessica Wakeman / March 3, 2013

Jennifer Garner Praises Ben Affleck’s “Wonder Sperm”

Jennifer Garner praised, grossly, Ben Affleck's "wonder sperm" in a chat with Ellen DeGeneres. Why does this strangely feel like hearing your mom and dad having sex? [Babble] J.K. Rowling says another Harry Potter book is not out of the question. [Celebrity Cafe] What have the Kardashians said about Kanye West's two sex tapes? [PopBytes] Nicki…

By: Jessica Wakeman / September 27, 2012

6 (More) Uses For Sperm

We know that sperm's primary function to make babies happen. But this miracle juice is more multi-faceted than we suspected. According to some new research done by SUNY-Albany psychologist, Gordon Gallup, semen may simultaneously be the cause and the cure for morning sickness in pregnant women. Because half of the fetus' DNA comes from the…

By: Ami Angelowicz / July 12, 2012

Help Me, Please: Cooked Squid Tries To Impregnate A Woman’s Mouth

I just ate sushi for lunch and I had octopus ceviche last night for dinner. I eat so much seafood. I think I am going to pass out right now. Full panic onset. I just read about this case from the Journal of Parasitology where a Korean woman's mouth was inseminated by a cooked squid.

By: Ami Angelowicz / June 15, 2012

Hero Of The Week: City Councilwoman Loretta Walsh Proposes Bill Forbidding Men From Destroying Semen

Wilmington City Councilwoman Loretta Walsh was fed up with the recent spate of fetal personhood bills, which aim to declare that a woman's fertilized egg is somehow the same as a "person." So she decided to challenge those bills by introducing one of her own -- a resolution to recognize the sacred life present i…

By: Julie Gerstein / March 7, 2012

6 Terrifying Things Nobody Tells You About Donating Sperm

To a young guy with not much money, sperm donation seems too good to be true. It pays well (as we've pointed out before) and requires you to do nothing more than what you'd be doing anyway. And if you happen to help a childless couple along the way, that's just icing on the cake.

By: Cracked / November 19, 2011

Sperm Bank Turning Away Redheads

The world's largest sperm bank is turning away redheaded wankers, because no one wants their sperm. The director of Cryos International said the supply of redheads, who can make up to $500 for their DNA donation, far exceeds the demand. Instead, it is sperm donors with brown hair and brown eyes who are in the…

By: Jessica Wakeman / September 20, 2011

Rapports Opus, The Sperm-Sniffing Police Dog

Behold, woman's new best friend. Rapports Opus is a police dog in Sweden who has been training for over a year to help police nab rapists by sniffing out sperm. This pup has just closed his first case. Last month, a woman was forced to perform oral sex on a man in a Swedish park.

By: Kate Torgovnick/Kate-Book.com / July 19, 2011

Come And Get These Sperm Jeans!

One of my biggest fashion pet peeves are what Stacy London and Clinton Kelly of "What Not to Wear" call "fancy jeans." That's any pair of jeans that are bedazzled, painted, embellished, or appliqued in any way. I find "fancy jeans" offensive. But these "cum wad pants" take "fancy" to a whole new level. WHO

By: Ami Angelowicz / February 28, 2011

Quickies: Halle Berry’s Ex Was Only Good As A Sperm Donor & Charlie Sheen Filmed A Porn?

Ooh, Halle Berry's divorce is getting even nastier. The actress reportedly emailed Gabriel Aubry, her ex-husband and father of their daughter, and wrote, "You were only good for one thing ... Thanks for the donation." Burn. [RadarOnline] Sorry, boys, but Kate Moss is off the market. Jamie Hince, a guitarist for The Kills, proposed to…

By: Jessica Wakeman / February 3, 2011

Sex Mustard, Albino Lipstick, Genetic Shower: 18 Revolting Terms For Sperm

Last week, we read about a woman who claimed her yogurt sample tasted like semen. We haven't touched yogurt since then and it may take us a while before we do. The best thing to cum, er, come out of that unfortunate semen story were some fun (read as revolting) descriptives for man juice found…

By: The Frisky / January 31, 2011

Who Is “The Sperm Hunter”?

In England, a 25-year-old woman has been dubbed "The Sperm Hunter." What sex acts did she undertake to score this nickname? Read more ...

By: TruTV / November 11, 2010

Soda Lowers Dudes’ Sperm Count

Here in NYC everyone is freaking out because the governor, backed by the mayor, has proposed a tax on sugary drinks such as soda. But beyond just balancing the budget, it looks like this law could help guys in the sack. A Danish study found that men who drink a liter or more of soda…

By: Nikki Dowling / April 1, 2010
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