A kilt may not be your best friend because, while it provides easy access to the junk, let’s admit it, it can be hard to get it up for a man in a skirt. (I know, I know. It’s not a skirt, it’s traditional Scottish garb.) Even if he does have a sexy accent and you’ve hired him to power-wash your drain gutters (that wasn’t a pun, that service exists), getting aroused by a kilted man may prove difficult. But according the latest issue of Scottish Medical Journal, we’ll need to get over it because a guy in a kilt is a God amongst men:
“In addition to keeping their scrotum at a cooler temperature, which research proves can boost sperm count, kilt wearers enjoy psychological benefits, such as feeling more masculine and proud and enjoying positive attention from sexual admirers…”
A kilt makes a man both fertile and virile … if you like that kind of thing or if you’re trying to make a baby. And even if you aren’t that into free-hanging fruit, they’ll think you are. Once this news gets out, it’s going to be Tartan Day every day. [Jezebel]
I can endorse sperm as a cure for morning sickness or even as a natural mood booster, but, I’m sorry, I refuse to drink a semen cocktail. We all have to draw the line somewhere and this where I draw mine. I refuse to walk into a bar and order a “Galliano Cum Shot” or a “Slightly Saltier Caviar.”
In the new book Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook, Paul “Fotie” Photoenhauer, who also wrote Natural Harvest: Collection of Semen Based Recipes, teaches us how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen. To quote the Amazon book description:
“Driven by a commitment and passion for the freshly harvested ingredient, Semenology pushes the limits of classic bartending. Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail.”
Since when is semen freshly available behind most bar counters? Never mind. I don’t want to know. This better not become the new mixology trend.[Huffington Post]
Oh, is it a WORST NIGHTMARE kind of day? I think it must be, because this is (one of) my actual worst nightmare(s) (I’m neurotic as hell, what can I say): a 19-year-old Chinese woman cracked open a bottle of moisturizer and used much of the contents to, you know, moisturize her face, like womenz do. She noticed something was off about the cream, particularly the smell, and mentioned it to her roommate. You can see where this is going. Zeng Lin’s roommate revealed that, just as she had suspected, the moisturizer was not, in fact, moisturizer. Nah, it was just a bottle full of semen! Of course. Keep reading »
Are you eating? Because I can’t ask you to read a blog post about an art student who stored 68 vials of his own sperm in a school fridge without making sure.
Marc Bradley Johnson, 23, who attends the School of Visual Arts in New York City, planned an exhibition called “Take This Sperm And Be Free Of Me,” displaying 68 vials of his own spunk in a fridge, which he “harvested” himself, that visitors could take home. The jizz was meant to represent “creation, parenting, desire, masculinity, fantasy and reality.” He even agreed to microwave the sperm vials to kill off pathogens (and, bonus, achieve that freshly-harvested feeling of warmth!). Keep reading »
We know that sperm’s primary function to make babies happen. But this miracle juice is more multi-faceted than we suspected. According to some new research done by SUNY-Albany psychologist, Gordon Gallup, semen may simultaneously be the cause and the cure for morning sickness in pregnant women. Because half of the fetus’ DNA comes from the father, the mother’s body may initially treat the organism as foreign tissue or an infection. This response triggers the symptoms of morning sickness. “The best cure for this type of sickness,” says Gallup, “Is, strangely enough, the same thing as its cause. The more exposure a woman has to her partner’s semen—that is to say, the more often she’s inseminated prior to conception and during the early stages of the pregnancy—the more tolerance her body develops to his genetic material.”
You heard it. Miracle of miracles! Sperm may cure your morning sickness. Click onward for more hidden talents of the incredible, edible sperm. [Slate]
I just ate sushi for lunch and I had octopus ceviche last night for dinner. I eat so much seafood. I think I am going to pass out right now. Full panic onset. I just read about this case from the Journal of Parasitology where a Korean woman’s mouth was inseminated by a cooked squid. I say cooked meaning it was dead. So back to the story. The 63-year-old experienced pain in her mouth after eating a boiled squid’s internal organs. She had a “pricking and foreign-body sensation” in her mouth. When she went to the hospital, doctors removed a bunch of “small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva.” Translation: Squid sperm.
There are three things I’m going to do and in this order: 1) Brush my teeth for peace of mind, 2) Eliminate calamari from my diet forever,
3) Go watch the video of “Baby Without a Face.” That’s the only thing I can think of that scares me more than the thought of my dinner trying to impregnate my mouth. [i09]
[Writer's note: I believe this came out differently than intended. I was trying to use an example of something that upset me. On second thought it's distasteful. My apologies.]
Wilmington City Councilwoman Loretta Walsh was fed up with the recent spate of fetal personhood bills, which aim to declare that a woman’s fertilized egg is somehow the same as a “person.” So she decided to challenge those bills by introducing one of her own — a resolution to recognize the sacred life present in each sperm. Walsh drafted a resolution aimed at making it illegal for men to waste sperm. According to the language of the resolution:
[E]ach ‘egg person’ and each ‘sperm person’ should be deemed equal in the eyes of the government and be subject to the same laws and regulations as any other dependent minor and be protected against abuse, neglect or abandonment by the parent or guardian.
Keep reading »
To a young guy with not much money, sperm donation seems too good to be true. It pays well (as we’ve pointed out before) and requires you to do nothing more than what you’d be doing anyway. And if you happen to help a childless couple along the way, that’s just icing on the cake.
Having actually been a sperm donor, I can say that you had better be prepared for a long haul. There are a lot of (horrifying) hoops to jump through, and then sperm banks expect you to masturbate like … well, like it’s your job.
And it’s not an easy one. Read more…
The world’s largest sperm bank is turning away redheaded wankers, because no one wants their sperm. The director of Cryos International said the supply of redheads, who can make up to $500 for their DNA donation, far exceeds the demand. Instead, it is sperm donors with brown hair and brown eyes who are in the biggest demand, as Cryos’ largest customer base in Italy, Greece, and Spain. Indian donors are also in high demand because India doesn’t allow the exportation of sperm. The only demand for ginger-jizz comes from the wonderland of Ireland, where it sells “like hot cakes” — and, of course, me, who seeks a donation of Prince Harry‘s redheaded sperm specifically.
[International Business Times]
[Telegraph UK] Keep reading »