The New York Times Style section usually emits more groans from me than cheers. Remember that piece about how bangs are “in”? And how women wear dresses? So I was ecstatic this week to see the Modern Love essay is by Jillian Keenan, a woman with a spanking fetish who is struggling to come out about it to her boyfriend. The essay touched on the struggles female spankos face from a judgmental and/or misunderstanding public, namely that we all must have suffered sexual abuse (not true) or must be gravely damaged in some way (also not true). And I was particularly delighted that 50 Shades Of Grey got only a brief mention. Keep reading »
So, “American Horror Story” came back last night for season two, “Asylum,” and I have A Lot Of Feelings about it. (SPOILERS, obviously): Queen Jessica Lange was divine, of course, and I loved the lesbian and interracial marriage subplots. But while the first season was creepy and even messed with you psychologically at times, this first episode just made me squirm. All the medical experiments and sadism made me feel like was watching torture porn and the “Hostel” enterprise has never been my idea of good horror. And I straight up wasn’t feeling the alien abduction stuff on top of all that. You don’t need to put icing on a macaron, Ryan Murphy.
One thing I think we can all agree on, however, is that Sister Jude is a terrifying bitch and watching her sadistically decimate Sister Mary Eunice’s self-worth is cringe inducing. The most insane moment in last night’s episode was when Sister Mary Eunice is in trubs for letting the snoopy reporter into the asylum, so she lays herself prostrate across Sister Jude’s to be caned. The teddy bear in me was, like, “No, Mary Eunice, run away from the asylum! Go live with the nice lesbians!” … but the pervert in me was, like, “Nun spanking! HOT!”
I have a dirty mind. Don’t tell Sister Jude.
A mother in Texas is livid: not that her 15-year-old daughter was paddled at school for cheating on a test — both mom and daughter actually approved the punishment — but that she was spanked by a male vice principal.
Taylor Santos, 15, a sophomore at Springtown High School Texas, allegedly let another student copy her work and was given a two-days of in-school suspension. After one day of missing classes, Santos asked if she could get a paddling instead of missing a second day; she called her mother and got approval for the change.
But her mother, Anna Jorgensen, is now super-pissed. A male vice principal spanked Taylor Santos instead of a female administrator — although there was a female in the room the whole time. “I knew school policy was females swatted females, and males swatted males,” Jorgensen said. “If Taylor wanted that, I said I would be fine.” She’s now upset that her daughter’s bottom has “welts and bruises.” Keep reading »
“Call me in one hour and tell me your boyfriend dumped you,” I told my girl friend as we stood outside the movie theater where we had just seen “Magic Mike.” “If the party’s weird and I want to leave, I’ll say ‘Oh my God, are you okay? I’ll come meet you!’ Got it?”
“Sure thing,” my friend promised.
“I’m texting you the address I’m going to right now,” I told her, tapping on my iPhone. “Just in case these people turn out to be rapist-murderers.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” she soothed me. We hugged goodbye and parted at a street corner. “Have fun!” is what she called as I walked away.
Have fun at your spanking party is what she meant. Keep reading »
Meet SHIRI, the Japanese butt robot. She’s legless and headless, but seems to enjoy a sensual massage to the silicon skin covering her posterior. Like a human woman, her artificial muscles can react to being spanked, caressed and groped. As this video helpfully notes, “The user may also feel SHIRI bracing after feeling a slap from the user.” I guess she hasn’t yet read 50 Shades Of Grey yet? [Laughing Squid] Keep reading »
One NYC-branch of sex shop Toys In Babeland is (wisely) capitalizing on the new “mommy porn” 50 Shades Of Grey craze with cocktail party classes teaching Kinky Sex 101. The open-to-the-public classes will be free; the first 25 kinkster guests will go home with a Christian Grey-approved goody bag: a paddle, necktie, satin bondage kit, edible spanking powder (?!), and vibrating nipple clamps. (Yes, really.) Private classes are being held for more exclusive folks; the NYC-based blog Gothamist seems to think Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany are attending. Oh, be still, my heart.
It’s silly that Toys In Babeland have to call this a “50 Shades” class instead of what it is — bondage/dominance/sadomasochism, or BDSM — but I guess too many people think a little kink in the bedroom is freaky. But whatever. I’ve already RSVPed and enlisted two girlfriends to come with. [Gothamist]