A new study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology has found that relationships, much like most things in life, are all about perspective. When you see love as a beautiful journey of growth and occasional struggle, your love life is more likely to prosper. When you want your relationship to be perfect or believe you have one and only soul mate to “complete” you, you’re likely to have a tough time sustaining happiness in love. Luckily, improving that kind of emotional rut is as easy as a simple shift in perspective. The study divides views on love into two “frames” — a union between two halves who are made for each other, or a journey with ups and downs. To better explain the unity concept, the research team linked it to an Aristotle quote: “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” People who see love like a journey, on the other hand, are more likely to relate to traditional wedding vows that promise to love one another for better or for worse. Keep reading »
“I just assumed that when I met my soulmate and fell in love, all of these annoying day to day things would fall into place.”
I’m on the phone with a friend of mine, who’s a couple years into a relationship that is overflowing with romance. Their pairing has everything: the meet-cute; the deep, spiritual connection; the sizzling sexual chemistry; the stimulating intellectual back and forth; the aligned life goals and values; the mutual belief that the other is the most amazing human to ever grace the Earth.
They’ve committed to a life together, they own a house, they’re very, very happy. There’s just one problem: they can’t for the life of them figure out how to plan their weekends. Her go-with-the-flow attitude clashes with his get-shit-done vibe and all of a sudden their dreamy love connection is imploding into a cranky spat about how long they’re going to spend at Home Depot and who hit the snooze button for the fourth time.
“I know we’re meant to be together,” she says, “so why can’t we figure this out?” Keep reading »
The unexpected side effect of running into an old friend from college on the subway and falling deeply in love with Him, for me, has been a renewed interest in my past. I can’t tell you definitively why this is. Maybe it’s because I knew Him in college, and re-meeting Him after 16 years gave me a new lens through which to view my past self and understand her better.
My hunger to reconnect with my past self started with the hint of a memory of a photograph of the two of us from college. In my mind’s eye, I see it: Me and Him sitting next to each other in his dark, dorm room, both of us dressed all in black as we did at the time. Me: black dress, black fishnets, black leather jacket and heavy, black eyeliner. Him: oversized black pants, a black baseball cap, black hoodie. His arm around me. Sitting on top of his extra long twin bunk bed. Top bunk.
I’ve convinced myself that this photo exists. Keep reading »
It’s hard to use the term “soul mate” without feeling like you should be wearing a cape and meditating over a crystal. We’ve considered the concept extensively — both independently and together over Gchat — and we are of the same mind on the matter: Not only do soul mates exist but all of us have more than one soul mate out there. And to quote “Annie” (kind of), “A life without soul mates is like a night without stars” — a very dark night. But don’t think because you are single that you’ve been left out of the soul mate phenomenon. It’s limiting to think that merging with your other half must be romantic in nature. Soul mates can be lovers, friends, family members or even pets. While the universe might help us out in our quest to find them, it’s up to us to make sure we connect with them. Soul mate relationships seem so meant to be that it’s hard to imagine ever not knowing that person once you do. But just to be safe, below are some tips for making sure your soul mates in life don’t pass you by. Keep reading »
There is a certain brand of love advice that makes me cringe as a single woman, “Follow your intuition.” Which is why a piece in the Daily Mail, featuring excerpts from Joanna Scott’s book The Love Key: How To Unlock Your Secret Powers And Find True Love, made me want to bang my head against a wall. More on the magical powers you can unlock after the jump. Keep reading »
In the latest issue of Glamour, there’s this really interesting feature called “How I Knew” which features short little essays by men on “how they knew” certain things: “How I Knew I Really Would Marry Her,” “How I Knew I Was Going To Cheat,” etc. My favorite of the bunch was “How I Knew She Wasn’t The One,” in which writer Adam Sternbergh rather humorously describes how he knew various women weren’t “the one” until he finally did meet the one who was. Now, I’m not really a big believer in “the one,” so to speak, as I think we all have lots of of ones, but I am a big believer that we have even more people in our lives who were NOT the one and we can usually pinpoint one particular moment when that became clear. So, in the vein of Sternbergh’s essay for Glamour, here’s my own “How I Knew He Wasn’t The One.”
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