Socialites are thin because they have nothing else to do but work out and boss their chefs around and make them prepare macrobiotic meals. Or, as one New York Times writer suggests, their slim physiques are due to a non-surgical treatment called the “Socialite Silhouette.” Available in New York City, in the offices of the Doctors of Trump Place (no joke), the procedure involves a lot of sweating and poking. You get started off in “a tiny, silver, body-size sauna with zippers through which you can thrust your arms,” which you suffer in for 30 minutes. Next comes the dubious-sounding Crystal Orb therapy, which involves cold compresses and a salt scrub. After that, “a vigorous massage with a large silicone cup called a Slipstream,” followed by another torturous device called the VelaShape, which pinches your love handles and butt to get rid of cellulite.