If you live on the East Coast, you are more then aware that a blizzard of historical proportions is preparing to barrel down, rendering everyone temporarily incapacitated and causing a run on grocery store staples like kale and that good wine. For those of us who grew up in places with real seasons, snow is nothing more than an annoyance and a good reason to wear blankets as outerwear. But for people who grew up in places where earthquakes are the norm and the sun shines most days and a rainstorm is enough to make regular people drive like assholes – ahem, Beejoli and Amelia — then Winter Storm Juno is enough to make them lose their shit. That’s why I’m here to help. How am I qualified? I grew up in upstate New York, and I still yearn for snow days. Also, I once drove through a terrifying blizzard in white out conditions with my grandma, who cursed like a sailor the entire time and made my sister and I fear for our lives. I’m an expert! Or, I’m practical with a tendency towards weather-driven hysteria when appropriate. In any case, here’s how you should handle this blizzard.
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