Tag Archives: single

How To Be Alone


Yes, loneliness can be depressing — even crushing — but as this lovely video reminds us, there can be a real freedom in being alone, as well. Spending time by yourself can be renewing. “Lonely is freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.” [via Kottke] Keep reading »

12 Advantages Of Being A Single Woman

This month marks not only my 34th birthday (tomorrow!), but also the third anniversary of my move from Chicago to New York to move in with my now husband. I wasn’t sure at the time if I’d be getting my own place and just staying with him temporarily, or even if the relationship would work out. We’d been long distance up to that point and we were simply taking things to the “next level,” as they say and hoping for the best. Now that we’ve been married over a year, I guess it’s safe to say things have worked out. But being in a couple isn’t without some disadvantages and sacrifices, of course, and looking back on my single years, it’s apparent there were a few things I took for granted. I wouldn’t trade my present for my past (well, I’d take my 22-year-old ass back, please), but after the jump are 12 advantages of being single. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: You Are Not “Single” — You Are Ronin

“Single” does not mean “Unloved.” “Single” means “I’m making myself a magical pot of pasta and re-watching season three of ‘The Wire.’ What are you bringing to my dope-ass party?”

”Those are our cosmic marching orders from the top down: Beget while the begetting is good. If the universe is such a smarty, why did it make life so fragile that it has to perpetually procreate? The same universe that filled the suffocating void of space with fire and ice also made life pretty flimsy. Did it run out of materials? Why didn’t it just make us out of diamonds and granite? If we were more durable, maybe we wouldn’t have to follow such strict rules. Thankfully, what makes us human is our adorable penchant for occasionally ignoring our biology. We eat forbidden fruit. Build towers of Babel. LOLcats serve no specific evolutionary purpose.

There’s a big difference between being alone and solitude. Recognizing this difference is the first step in wresting control of your story from the cliché script pop science says we can’t help but follow. When you’re alone, you feel lonely. Unloved. “Single.” Loneliness is just not being able to stand the person you’re stuck with your whole life. And that person is you. Loneliness covets what others have and frequently instant message. Loneliness can feel like emptiness inside, but it’s the opposite. It’s more like a cavity – a damp hole that’s full of rotted hopes, selfish prayers, and fear.

Solitude, on the other hand, is our soul’s default setting. Solitude is being alone, but not lonely. Solitude is an art; it’s projecting an avatar of yourself in the inflatable bounce house of your mind and giving that version of you a hug. It’s building a secret garden and throwing up a gigantic golden door not to keep people out, but to see if there’s anyone clever enough to pick the lock. Being “single” does not, in fact, mean you are incomplete. It means you are totally complete. “Single” is not a brand that scars Facebook and dating site profiles. “Single” does not mean “Unloved.” “Single” means “I’m making myself a magical pot of pasta and re-watching season three of ‘The Wire.’ What are you bringing to my dope-ass party?”

Men don’t fear the “single” label. We have our own issues and fears, but they are likewise illusory, socially created scarecrows, and generally deal with how every man is a falcon, a mighty falcon everyone wants to pluck! I’ll just go ahead and save that generalizing rant for another day. Men don’t mind being “single,” because we have mythologies that celebrate the whole notion of being on your own. Woman, you are not “single.” You are “Ronin.” Now, I know what the overwhelmingly female readership who frequent The Frisky are thinking, Do you mean nerd legend Frank Miller’s 1983 dystopian sci-fi comic book epic Ronin or the gritty 1998 cloak-and-dagger classic “Ronin” starring Robert De Niro? No on both points, ladies!

I am referring to the Ronin of medieval Japan. Ronin are samurai, the mighty warrior class who wield razor-sharp katana swords with fatal grace and serve at the pleasure of a feudal lord. Specifically, however, Ronin are samurai who have no master or lord, either because said lord was killed or disposed. They were free agents of badass. Granted, the most famous Ronin died avenging the murder of their master. But Ronin could also just, you know, stroll around the countryside, drinking tea and writing poetry about nature’s splendor, and hacking off the arms of bandits and nogoodniks. They are alone, and answer to no one. Ronin are serene and powerful, merciful and courageous. Ronin live that ancient Zen saying, “Que sera, sera.” A Ronin respectfully bows before kingdoms wild and civilized so that he may peacefully pass and resume strolling along the path he is forging for himself. Now, re-read that last rambling sentence and replace each “he” with a “she.” See? You’re not single. The world needs you, not the other way around. Sit and breathe. Defend the weak. Stop to salute the lotus flower. Roam the world and never feel alone. You are Ronin – you answer to no one. Your heart is your only master.

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Quotable: Pam Anderson On Being Single

“I have tortured myself over [my relationship with Tommy Lee] for years and was devastated and depressed for much of the last 15 years about that. It’s mostly about the kids. I think I’ve just tried to attach myself to anybody who’d create a family, but the people I attracted weren’t really the fairy tale I planned. I think I’d just rather be alone and take care of my kids and wait it out. Something will happen one day. If not, my kids will look after me. … [Being single] is a lot less annoying. It’s nice. I have interesting, intelligent men to flirt with and then I come home. And I enjoy it.”

Pamela Anderson on being a single mother. Does this mean she broke up with that electrician? [Celebitchy] Keep reading »

5 Things A Single Woman Should Always Have In Her Bag

Most women carry a pocketbook, a bag, a purse, or whatever they may choose to call it. Aside from the basic necessities, such as a phone, planner, wallet, and an iPod, a single woman requires her own set of must-haves. Being single is all about being independent, enjoying life alone, and, if you’re ready, finding the right someone to have fun with. But while the single life may be spontaneous sometimes, a little preparation goes a long way. It’s hard to enjoy yourself if you’re worried about something, right? Here are the five simple things a single woman should always carry with her, so there’s never an excuse not to make the best out of the single life. Keep reading »

6 Ways To Celebrate Being Single And Independent This Independence Day!

Independence Day got its name for a historical reason, but here at The Frisky we’re celebrating it with a twist. This Fourth of July don’t just celebrate the independence of our country, but also raise your glass and celebrate that you’re single and independent. Here’s how to add a single and lovin’ it flavor to your Independence Day festivities. Keep reading »

A Bad Marriage May Have Serious Effects On Your Health

As a single lady who is fairly skeptical about marriage, I found this NY Times Magazine article very enlightening. The long-standing theory is that there are major health benefits for the marrieds of the world—they tend to live longer, healthier lives. But new research is showing that this “marriage benefit” does not extend to those that are unhappily married, divorced, or widowed. It seems to be more about the quality of the relationship than having the relationship itself. I hate to say it—duh! Who feels good in an unhealthy relationship? No one.

After the jump, what some scientific studies have shown about marriage and health. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “No One Wants To Go Out With Me”

I haven’t had a boyfriend in almost a year and I’d really like one. Since my last relationship, I’ve had a handful of dates that went nowhere along with a few make-out sessions with inappropriate people like my ex’s best friend and a guy who lives 3,000 miles away and was only in town for the weekend. I am sick of being the only single person I know (truly, I don’t know one other single person) and my friends have begun uninviting me from things because of my single nature, which makes me feel like a pariah. And I get the impression they have given up hope on me ever getting a boyfriend because they aren’t willing to go out of their way to be my “wingman” or set me up with any of their single relatives/co-workers/friends. They are not helping the situation but I try not to let them get me down. I am rounding the corner on 30 this fall, and I know there is nothing wrong with being single and 30, but I want a family and a husband and someone to grow old with. Right now it’s pretty bleak. Maybe I am destined to be a spinster, and that thought makes me want to hurl myself off the nearest bridge. I am fairly certain I am attractive. I take good care of myself inside and out, and I am really mindful about how I present myself to the world. I am outgoing but not overly so, and I put myself in positions to meet new people all the time by taking classes, volunteering, venturing out of my comfort zone. But I am just not meeting people who want to go out with me. I can’t figure out what I can do differently and I could use some objective advice. — Sorry Single

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