I’m going to say something as a feminist ladyblogger that I suspect I’m not supposed to say: Why You’re Not Married … Yet: The Straight Talk You Need To Get The Relationship You Deserve, by Tracy McMillan, actually isn’t a terrible book.
Oh, it has some problematic aspects — and I’ll get to those. But generally what’s wrong with books like Why You’re Not Married … Yet or 2009′s Marry Him! The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb, isn’t the actual content. I’ve read a decent number of self-help books, both for professional reasons (to write about them on The Frisky) and for personal reasons (to find out why am I such an idiot when it comes to boys), and I even read that godawful Steve Harvey book Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man because my surrogate mother gave it to me. I’m open-minded to reading them, I guess you could say. So, while Why You’re Not Married … Yet is getting bopped everywhere from Jezebel to The Good Men Project, who titled their piece “Fuck Off Tracy McMillan,” I’ve actually read the book and what’s more, I loved it and found it extremely useful. What’s wrong with Why You’re Not Married … Yet isn’t the dating advice — it’s how that dating advice is only marketed towards women. Keep reading »
Kim Kardashian may not just be an example of a walking, talking publicity stunt — she could be an example of biology gone awry! Scientists have discovered a gene that may explain why some women have a problem getting or staying married. Research of more than 1,800 women found that some ladies have difficulty bonding due to a variation of the oxytocin receptor gene, known as A-allele. The A-allele gene affects how women process oxytocin, the hormone responsible for love and bonding. If a woman’s body cannot properly break down the hormone, it could affect her ability to bond with others, including her boyfriend or husband.
So maybe, just maybe, we have been harshly judging poor Kimmy for a problem she just cannot fix? (Or not.) [Huffington Post]
It is better to be single than badly accompanied: that is a truism of relationships that I’ve often reminded myself when the time came for a difficult breakup conversation. As we all know, time and distance can have blurring effects. You forget about the times he yelled at you in public or the snotty tone of voice he used when he talked down to you. You remember the cuddles and the kisses as if they were all you did, every time, even when you know this is not the whole story.
On Valentine’s Day — the day that is supposed to be about celebrating love and romance — it seems fitting to remember the guys who we are happy aren’t in our lives:
Keep reading »
In Dominique Browning’s New York Times piece “Alone Again, Naturally“, she explores why being alone after a divorce or breakup seems to be more unbearable for men than it is for women:
“Judging by statistics, to say nothing of the glaring evidence around me, men do not have any problem remarrying. In fact, most men seem unable to live alone for longer than, say, at the outside … three months.”
I had always assumed that it was the other way around, but reading her piece made me question whether or not my perception was a faulty gender stereotype. I decided to canvas some men I know and get their thoughts. Keep reading »
“I have never felt truly cherished by a lover. I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man … I say this honestly, and this is my new thing as of the past year: when I fight with someone I’m in a relationship with, I think, ‘What would my fans think if they knew this was happening? How would they feel about my work and about me as a female if they knew I was allowing this to go on?’ And then I get out … I have this effect on people where it starts out good. Then, when I’m in these relationships with people who are also creative, or creative in their own way, what happens is the attraction is initially there and it’s all unicorns and rainbows. And then they hate me … Perhaps it’s a whose-dick-is-bigger contest. If I go to the piano and write a quick song and play it back, they are angry with how fast and effortless it is. That’s who I am, and I don’t apologize for it. But it’s a hideous place to be in when someone that you love has convinced you that you will never be good enough for anyone. I had a man say to me, ‘You will die alone in a house bigger than you know, with all your money and hit records, and you will die alone.’ … Even though I know it sounds a bit Hallmark, whenever I [was] in that kind of stressful, worthless moment, I would think, ‘I’ll show you.’ … I think what it really is, is that I date creative people. And I think that what intimidates them is not my purse; it’s my mind.”
– Lady Gaga opens up about her romantic struggles in the January 2012 issue of Vanity Fair. It sounds like Gaga is going through what I like to call “a dark night of the single soul.” It’s where you realize, much to your dismay, that as a smart, creative, successful woman, finding your match will be epically difficult. This is not just because she’s famous. I would say many single women go through this. And this is not meant to be an insult to men in any way. It’s just that, as Gaga is experiencing, many men are still (perhaps even unconsciously) intimidated by strong women. Especially if they feel they haven’t reached their peak yet. Keep reading »
The good thing about being single is that people are usually pretty willing to talk about your romantic life, because, let’s face it, it’s probably more entertaining than that of your seriously coupled-up friends.
The bad news? Sometimes, people will want to talk about your love life regardless of whether or not you’re in the mood to talk about it. And they will have opinions. And questions. And if you’re single for long enough, a lot of these are gonna start sounding the same… Keep reading »