It is better to be single than badly accompanied: that is a truism of relationships that I’ve often reminded myself when the time came for a difficult breakup conversation. As we all know, time and distance can have blurring effects. You forget about the times he yelled at you in public or the snotty tone of voice he used when he talked down to you. You remember the cuddles and the kisses as if they were all you did, every time, even when you know this is not the whole story.
On Valentine’s Day — the day that is supposed to be about celebrating love and romance — it seems fitting to remember the guys who we are happy aren’t in our lives:
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In Dominique Browning’s New York Times piece “Alone Again, Naturally“, she explores why being alone after a divorce or breakup seems to be more unbearable for men than it is for women:
“Judging by statistics, to say nothing of the glaring evidence around me, men do not have any problem remarrying. In fact, most men seem unable to live alone for longer than, say, at the outside … three months.”
I had always assumed that it was the other way around, but reading her piece made me question whether or not my perception was a faulty gender stereotype. I decided to canvas some men I know and get their thoughts. Keep reading »
“I have never felt truly cherished by a lover. I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man … I say this honestly, and this is my new thing as of the past year: when I fight with someone I’m in a relationship with, I think, ‘What would my fans think if they knew this was happening? How would they feel about my work and about me as a female if they knew I was allowing this to go on?’ And then I get out … I have this effect on people where it starts out good. Then, when I’m in these relationships with people who are also creative, or creative in their own way, what happens is the attraction is initially there and it’s all unicorns and rainbows. And then they hate me … Perhaps it’s a whose-dick-is-bigger contest. If I go to the piano and write a quick song and play it back, they are angry with how fast and effortless it is. That’s who I am, and I don’t apologize for it. But it’s a hideous place to be in when someone that you love has convinced you that you will never be good enough for anyone. I had a man say to me, ‘You will die alone in a house bigger than you know, with all your money and hit records, and you will die alone.’ … Even though I know it sounds a bit Hallmark, whenever I [was] in that kind of stressful, worthless moment, I would think, ‘I’ll show you.’ … I think what it really is, is that I date creative people. And I think that what intimidates them is not my purse; it’s my mind.”
– Lady Gaga opens up about her romantic struggles in the January 2012 issue of Vanity Fair. It sounds like Gaga is going through what I like to call “a dark night of the single soul.” It’s where you realize, much to your dismay, that as a smart, creative, successful woman, finding your match will be epically difficult. This is not just because she’s famous. I would say many single women go through this. And this is not meant to be an insult to men in any way. It’s just that, as Gaga is experiencing, many men are still (perhaps even unconsciously) intimidated by strong women. Especially if they feel they haven’t reached their peak yet. Keep reading »
The good thing about being single is that people are usually pretty willing to talk about your romantic life, because, let’s face it, it’s probably more entertaining than that of your seriously coupled-up friends.
The bad news? Sometimes, people will want to talk about your love life regardless of whether or not you’re in the mood to talk about it. And they will have opinions. And questions. And if you’re single for long enough, a lot of these are gonna start sounding the same… Keep reading »
What would you do if you wound up single on what was to be one of the most special days of your life—your wedding day? My friend Desiree did something remarkable and revolutionary: instead of hiding away, she marched boldly into a proud new future, and in the process became an inspiration to me and, hopefully, some of you as well.
On a recent Sunday, when I would have been attending her wedding to a man, I stood on Bow Bridge in Central Park and witnessed Desiree get married—to herself. A circle of her friends surrounded her while her cousin officiated, reciting vows she had written for herself, which included the lines, “I will make my happiness a priority and forgive myself when I’m not perfect. I will trust myself and stand within the power of my own strength. I will love myself forever more, through good and bad, thick and thin, and for exactly who I am today. I promise I will never, ever, ever, settle for less than what my heart and soul desire.”
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WTF, Florida?!?! Residents of Tampa received a mailer about mayoral candidate Rose Ferlita warning them that this deranged harpy is “Unmarried. Unsure. Unelectable.” What kind of freak wouldn’t be married? Someone who is unfit for public office, that’s who! Rose Ferlita “put her political ambitions first and foremost,” the mailer reads, “while her opponent is a dedicated family man with two children. Ferlita is an unmarried woman with a suspect commitment to family values.” Translation: she’s not married because she’s a BIG OLD LESBO. Actually, I don’t know if that’s the rumor about Rose Ferlita and I don’t care. Exorciating an ambitious female candidate because she’s single and childless — qualities few would bat an eyelash about if they were applied to men — is one of the most sexist political attacks I’ve ever seen. [Bust Magazine] Keep reading »
Hello there. You. Yes, you! I have something I would like to talk to you about.
It’s come up a couple of times recently and it’s gotten so irritating that I finally have to say something about it. I’m pretty sure you’re not even aware of what you’re doing or why it bothers me. So here it goes.
I would like you to ask me out on a freaking date. Keep reading »
Some people come to New York City for work. Some people come to New York City for school. Some people are born in New York City and never end up leaving. But whatever your reason for being here, you probably ended up staying, in part, for one reason: options. On any given night there are thousands of different activities you could be doing and hundreds of them are free. If you don’t like your apartment, you can find a dozen illegal sublets on Craigslist in two hours. Want to gawk at a celebrity drinking her morning latte? Craving pizza handmade by an Italian grandpa who speaks no English? Need pot delivered to your apartment ASAP? Check, check and check. Hell, you’ll even find
two three four different Starbucks in a three-block radius.
But maybe the BIg Apple has too many options. NYC single woman Jennifer Doll argues in The Village Voice — the city’s indie newspaper — this week that when it comes to settling down and getting married, no one in the dating game will make a decision because there are too many other options to choose from. Keep reading »
Back when I was in a relationship, there were a few things I missed about being a single girl. I had been in a great relationship with myself for two years and for all the pleasures of having a boyfriend, I also missed some parts of my former life. Now that I’m Jessica, Party of One, again, I think it’s time to revisit some of the single girl stuff I have to celebrate… Keep reading »
When you’re single, Valentine’s Day—with its flowers, chocolates and all-around coupliness—can feel like a cruel joke the world is playing to rub in the fact that you don’t have someone special. It can certainly be doldrums producing—but why let it be? This is one day where you have to take the bull by the horns, and then wrestle it into a teddy bear. After the jump, 10 ways single women can make Valentine’s Day into a celebration of awesomeness rather than a tear-inducing stressfest. Keep reading »