When you’re single, Valentine’s Day—with its flowers, chocolates and all-around coupliness—can feel like a cruel joke the world is playing to rub in the fact that you don’t have someone special. It can certainly be doldrums producing—but why let it be? This is one day where you have to take the bull by the horns, and then wrestle it into a teddy bear. After the jump, 10 ways single women can make Valentine’s Day into a celebration of awesomeness rather than a tear-inducing stressfest. Keep reading »
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As I write this, the floating concrete mall known as Manhattan is experiencing a “wintery mix,” which is what happens when Old Man Winter has food poisoning. Walking to work this morning I got snow up my nose, elbowed in the fat wings by a grumpy Hobbit wrapped in scarves waiting for the subway, and went ankle deep in an enchanted ice puddle. It had to be enchanted, because I’m sure it laughed at me as I cursed. As a little kid, I was certain that snow was just God shaking a giant powdered donut over my house, but now that I am older, I know that snow is just Death’s dandruff. The winter is only enjoyed by Vikings, Tauntauns and people in relationships. Keep reading »
”I want to try to be single my whole year of being 30. I’ve never just dated and done whatever I wanted. I have a hundred different jobs — when do I have time to really focus on someone? I’ve made a promise to myself and I’m really trying hard to stick to it, but I’m such a hopeless romantic that it’s hard. I don’t think that’s going to last, because that’s just how I am. But the fact that I’m trying is a big step for me!”
—Kim Kardashian tells Rachael Ray her New Year’s resolution. She sounds really committed to making this happen. I wish I had that problem where I had so many suitors I just couldn’t resist. Poor Kim. [Us Weekly] Keep reading »
Dear Single Self,
Hi. How are you this holiday season? Feeling a little hopeless? Downtrodden perhaps? Frustrated? Bitter? A little panicked about turning 32 with no potential prospects on the horizon? Feeling like a big, fat failure in the relationship department? Feeling like fate may have cheated you? I thought so. I’ve come with some words of advice: BE PATIENT, YOU PSYCHO. Keep reading »
You’ve heard the old adage: you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone! Well, if you’re sending out the wrong signals or you aren’t pursuing the right kind of people, it won’t matter how much you put yourself out there — you’re still going to wind up empty-handed in the relationship department. After the jump, eight things that may be keeping you single if you don’t want to be. Keep reading »
“I put myself in the eyeline of love, but I can’t quite get it together. I’m not okay being single because I’m a relationship girl. I love the romance. … He has to be funny because I love to laugh. Driven, creative, motivated and inspired. He has to be a loving guy, who loves his mom and family. And, of course, easy on the eyes. That always helps.”"
Yes, loneliness can be depressing — even crushing — but as this lovely video reminds us, there can be a real freedom in being alone, as well. Spending time by yourself can be renewing. “Lonely is freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.” [via Kottke] Keep reading »
This month marks not only my 34th birthday (tomorrow!), but also the third anniversary of my move from Chicago to New York to move in with my now husband. I wasn’t sure at the time if I’d be getting my own place and just staying with him temporarily, or even if the relationship would work out. We’d been long distance up to that point and we were simply taking things to the “next level,” as they say and hoping for the best. Now that we’ve been married over a year, I guess it’s safe to say things have worked out. But being in a couple isn’t without some disadvantages and sacrifices, of course, and looking back on my single years, it’s apparent there were a few things I took for granted. I wouldn’t trade my present for my past (well, I’d take my 22-year-old ass back, please), but after the jump are 12 advantages of being single. Keep reading »
”Those are our cosmic marching orders from the top down: Beget while the begetting is good. If the universe is such a smarty, why did it make life so fragile that it has to perpetually procreate? The same universe that filled the suffocating void of space with fire and ice also made life pretty flimsy. Did it run out of materials? Why didn’t it just make us out of diamonds and granite? If we were more durable, maybe we wouldn’t have to follow such strict rules. Thankfully, what makes us human is our adorable penchant for occasionally ignoring our biology. We eat forbidden fruit. Build towers of Babel. LOLcats serve no specific evolutionary purpose.
There’s a big difference between being alone and solitude. Recognizing this difference is the first step in wresting control of your story from the cliché script pop science says we can’t help but follow. When you’re alone, you feel lonely. Unloved. “Single.” Loneliness is just not being able to stand the person you’re stuck with your whole life. And that person is you. Loneliness covets what others have and frequently instant message. Loneliness can feel like emptiness inside, but it’s the opposite. It’s more like a cavity – a damp hole that’s full of rotted hopes, selfish prayers, and fear.
Solitude, on the other hand, is our soul’s default setting. Solitude is being alone, but not lonely. Solitude is an art; it’s projecting an avatar of yourself in the inflatable bounce house of your mind and giving that version of you a hug. It’s building a secret garden and throwing up a gigantic golden door not to keep people out, but to see if there’s anyone clever enough to pick the lock. Being “single” does not, in fact, mean you are incomplete. It means you are totally complete. “Single” is not a brand that scars Facebook and dating site profiles. “Single” does not mean “Unloved.” “Single” means “I’m making myself a magical pot of pasta and re-watching season three of ‘The Wire.’ What are you bringing to my dope-ass party?”
Men don’t fear the “single” label. We have our own issues and fears, but they are likewise illusory, socially created scarecrows, and generally deal with how every man is a falcon, a mighty falcon everyone wants to pluck! I’ll just go ahead and save that generalizing rant for another day. Men don’t mind being “single,” because we have mythologies that celebrate the whole notion of being on your own. Woman, you are not “single.” You are “Ronin.” Now, I know what the overwhelmingly female readership who frequent The Frisky are thinking, Do you mean nerd legend Frank Miller’s 1983 dystopian sci-fi comic book epic Ronin or the gritty 1998 cloak-and-dagger classic “Ronin” starring Robert De Niro? No on both points, ladies!
I am referring to the Ronin of medieval Japan. Ronin are samurai, the mighty warrior class who wield razor-sharp katana swords with fatal grace and serve at the pleasure of a feudal lord. Specifically, however, Ronin are samurai who have no master or lord, either because said lord was killed or disposed. They were free agents of badass. Granted, the most famous Ronin died avenging the murder of their master. But Ronin could also just, you know, stroll around the countryside, drinking tea and writing poetry about nature’s splendor, and hacking off the arms of bandits and nogoodniks. They are alone, and answer to no one. Ronin are serene and powerful, merciful and courageous. Ronin live that ancient Zen saying, “Que sera, sera.” A Ronin respectfully bows before kingdoms wild and civilized so that he may peacefully pass and resume strolling along the path he is forging for himself. Now, re-read that last rambling sentence and replace each “he” with a “she.” See? You’re not single. The world needs you, not the other way around. Sit and breathe. Defend the weak. Stop to salute the lotus flower. Roam the world and never feel alone. You are Ronin – you answer to no one. Your heart is your only master.
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“I have tortured myself over [my relationship with Tommy Lee] for years and was devastated and depressed for much of the last 15 years about that. It’s mostly about the kids. I think I’ve just tried to attach myself to anybody who’d create a family, but the people I attracted weren’t really the fairy tale I planned. I think I’d just rather be alone and take care of my kids and wait it out. Something will happen one day. If not, my kids will look after me. … [Being single] is a lot less annoying. It’s nice. I have interesting, intelligent men to flirt with and then I come home. And I enjoy it.”