A few weeks ago, I abandoned my practice of ruthlessly hunting down a husband like a poacher on the hunt for ivory tusks in favor of focusing on my own personal growth and being the happiest single woman I can be. Since then, I met and have gone on a few dates with a very sweet guy named Andrew, who approached me in a bar one night after having recognized me from OKCupid. When I wrote about my first date with Andrew, feeling triumphant about being able to dismiss one of my dating “dealbreakers,” I was disheartened to see various commenters suggesting that I’m not following through with my declaration of singlehood. Maybe, though, I just need to be more clear about my own, personal definition for “happily single.” Keep reading »
A few years ago, I had a Big, Terrible Breakup. I’d been living with a guy, whom I loved, wanted to marry and raise kids with. He wanted those things, too, until he didn’t. I hadn’t seen the split coming and felt completely gobsmacked.
I turned around, reactivated my OKCupid profile, and began dating immediately. That turned out to not be such a good idea. I thought I needed to distract myself (and considering I had moved back in with my parents, part of me did need to distract myself) but what I really needed was to heal. Alas, even though I was not ready to date yet in the grander scheme of things, dipping my toe back in the waters showed me there were lots other guys out there. It took me a couple months to admit that there could be someone out there better for me than Ex-Mr. Jessica. But my acceptance wasn’t necessarily due to anything particularly convincing he said while we were breaking up; it came from meeting other guys online who, in integral ways, seemed like they’d be a better fit.
That’s not to say that I limped off my injury gracefully. Not much at all, in fact. I passed many, many months during 2011 mired in bitterness — hurt, resentful, and very angry. Keep reading »
Being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to suck. I’m a firm believer in treating myself to something nice when other couples are hiding engagement rings in food and making oogly eyes across the pre-fixe dinner table. But do not be mistaken: sometimes the one thing you think will make you feel better will leave you you crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. You know…so I’ve heard.
Here’s how NOT to treat yourself this February 14th (and some alternative options)…
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“I’m single, I don’t have children, and I’ve never been married except for three months a long time ago. And that doesn’t matter; It wasn’t a marriage of reality. I live a single woman’s life and yes, I spend a lot of time by myself. I have a few very close friends, most of them I’ve known forever, and I kind of like it. Would I be willing to have a boyfriend? It would be fun if I could find a boyfriend who understood my life and didn’t get his feelings hurt because I’m always a phone call away from having to leave in two hours for New York or a phone call away from having to do interviews all day long. It’s not very much fun to be Mr. Stevie Nicks. In the last 10 years I’ve just said I’m going to follow my muse. If I want to go somewhere I don’t have to worry about anyone being mad at me. I don’t have to make up excuses on the phone about why I’m not coming home. If it were to happen to me I’d be thrilled. But when I’m 90 years old and sitting in a gloriously beautiful beach house somewhere on this planet with five or six Chinese Crested Yorkies, surrounded by all my goddaughters who will at that point be middle-aged, I’ll be just as happy.”
– Stevie Nicks talks about being single, following her muse, and retiring to a beach house full of Yorkies in the New York Times. Oh, and how to deal with unresolved anger: let time pass and do something that makes you happy. Um, I’ll have one of what she’s having, please. [New York Times]
“I’m one of those people who does not like to be alone. I have no shame saying that at this point in my life. I think we have to own who we are.”
Hey, at least she’s honest! At an American Idol panel, the newly-single Jennifer Lopez was asked about her relationship history and if she’d marry again. Jen had this to say about it: yup. When I first read her confession that she doesn’t enjoy being single, my little codependency-phobic heart cringed. On the other hand, why should JLo pretend otherwise just to make other women feel better? She knows who she is, what she needs, and she’s confident enough to say it. I suppose that takes a lot more courage than being single just for the sake of proving something. [US Weekly] [Image via WENN]
Single this holiday season? Me too! And so is the hilarious Akilah Hughes, who you might remember from her awesome “Meet Your First Black Girlfriend” video. She’s ridin’ solo, and in this video, shows you how to make Christmas cookies for singles, no fucks to give about any exes, nope none. [YouTube]