I’m just going to come out and say it: I can’t stomach being single anymore.
With the exception of a few men who’ve come and gone, lasting only a few weeks here and a few months there, I’ve been dating unsuccessfully for about four years now. There have been periods of time where I’ve sworn off men completely, refusing to date or so much as look at my OKCupid notifications. I’ve also engaged in the opposite behavior, juggling multiple dudes at a time, hoping one of them would turn out to be worth continuing to date. I’ve gone through bouts of depression, seeking therapy to help me move on from past relationships (Thanks, Patrick Bateman!). But the hardest part of it all has been remaining confident in the knowledge that, despite the evidence to the contrary, I have a ton of love to offer someone and should never settle for anything less than a wonderful guy. Keep reading »
“If [a relationship] should come along, great … But I feel like I’m not missing anything yet. Maybe one day I will. But my son is three years old, which is an amazing age. Four is an even better age. So if something happens, great, but if not, I’ve got plenty to do…Life is a series of disastrous moments. In between those moments, that’s when you savor, savor, savor.”
–Sandra Bullock talks about her relationship status in Entertainment Weekly. I doubt she’s missing out on anything either. If she was, I’m sure she’d know. It’s quite a feat to try to bounce back when your ex is Jesse James. I appreciate Sandra’s her outlook on relationships: a series of disasters with some good moments in between. Often those good moments happen when you’re single — not just when you’re smitten. [People]
“I don’t understand it … I’m cool. I like going out. I like being at home, I like movies, I like eating. So what’s wrong with me? Why am I alone? … I’m looking for someone serious, who I can set up home with … Someone who comes from a warm, loving family like mine, who has values like mine…I’m very interested in going out with someone who is big and strong and famous … I see [Ryan Gosling and I could melt. He’s amazing. He’s my wow.”
-- Bar Refaeli laments her single status in an Israeli newspaper. The supermodel may not look like most of us, but she feels existentially lonely like we do. We've all been there -- trying to make sense of why we're still single, daring the universe to send someone, anyone worthwhile our way, fantasizing hardcore about Ryan Gosling. The only difference is that Bar seems to be confused about what feminism is. She is so relatable up until the the part of the interview where she says that she's "not at all a feminist" because she likes to do dishes and wants to be a stay-at-home mom. Guh. I think we need to get her, Farrah Abraham and Taylor Swift together for a little teaching session where we explain that you can do dishes and still be a feminist. [NY Daily News]
I had dinner with a friend recently who, when I opened up about some of my life issues, looked at me all moon-eyed and dreamy and said: “But being in love makes everything so much better.” I laughed. Like, actually laughed in her face. When I was single, I used to look at new couples and feel a pang of jealousy thinking life must be so easy for them. Yes, being in love is a wonderful, blissful, transcendent life affirming experience, but it doesn’t make anything better. Everything that was a problem in my life before is still a problem. What’s different is that someone cooks me scrambled eggs for breakfast and genuinely wants to see all my Instagram photos and knows what to do to make me laugh when I’m grumpy. So, back to the question: what’s changed in my life? A lot, but not all of the changes have been easy ones. Falling in love is an adjustment — like moving to a new city or starting a new job or, I imagine, becoming a parent. You find yourself a refugee from your former life, trying to integrate your old self with the new one. Keep reading »
“Most women would not be happy being me. People say, ‘But you’re alone.’ But I don’t feel alone. I feel very un-alone. I feel very sparkly and excited about everything. I know women who are going, like, ‘I don’t want to grow old alone.’ And I’m like, ‘See, that doesn’t scare me.’ Because I’ll never be alone. I’ll always be surrounded by people. I’m like the crystal ball and these are all the rings of Saturn around me. … My generation fought very hard for feminism, and we fought very hard to not be labeled as you had to have a husband or you had to be in a relationship, or you were somehow not a cool chick. And now I’m seeing that start to come around again, where people say to you, ‘Well, what do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend? You don’t want to have one? You don’t want to be married?’ And you’re like, ‘Well, no, I don’t, actually. I’m fine.’ And they find a lot of reasons why you’re not fine. But it just seems to be coming back. Being able to take care of myself is something that my mom really instilled in me. I can remember her always saying, ‘If nothing else, I will teach you to be independent.’”
– Some of Stevie Nicks‘ life choices might not be ones we’d make for ourselves. That permanent hole in her nose she got from snorting so much cocaine? No thanks! But when it comes to being happy with being single and independent and surrounding herself with friends so she doesn’t need a man, Stevie’s a veritable guru. Being able to take care of yourself and be independent is one of those life skills they don’t teach in school, but totally should. [NYmag.com] [Photo: New York magazine]
Take that, Farrah Abraham getting done up the pooper by James Deen! You have been outdone by Tanning Mom! No, she didn’t make a sex tape. TMZ obtained a snippet of Patricia Krentcil’s soon-to-be-released single, “It’s Tan Mom.” I knew it would blow my mind, but I didn’t know how much it would blow my mind. And it’s only one minute’s worth. Teaser: there is extreme auto-tuning, there are dance beats, there are lyrics like, You all are losers/ I’m sexier than the Teen Mom/ I am cool/ I’m the cool one/ I’m hotter than the Octomom.
Yes. YESSSS. I cannot wait for the music video. Let there be bows! [Buzzfeed]
How about this: unless you’re speaking to a person who is literally about to walk down an aisle to an altar at which they will proceed to exchange vows of lifelong love to another human being, don’t tell them they’re “next” to get married.
That’s what a friend of mine’s sister told her recently, and … well, I’ll just tell you what my friend — a single lady — expressed in response: “RUH RUH!?!?!” Because seriously. Nobody’s “next.” There’s not a wedding pecking order. Nobody is the first person to get married, and matrimony isn’t a race wherein some people come in second, third or fourth place. Keep reading »
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine who is newly single, and he told me he was having trouble finding stuff to do on his own that didn’t feel awkward. “I find myself going to movies alone all the time,” he said, “but I’m sure there are other activities for single people who want to go out by themselves!” I asked the rest of The Frisky staff for their favorite things to do solo, and we came up with the following list of activities–perfect for singletons or anyone who wants to spend a little quality time alone… Keep reading »
People just love to get engaged at Christmastime. I imagine this is a result of a combination of factors, from feeling more family-oriented than usual (although the holidays have the opposite effect on many of us) to the celebratory atmosphere at large and increased presence of shiny objects generally. I spent Christmas Eve “liking” a whole new host of “Blankety Blank is engaged to Persony Person” updates before heading to sleep in my childhood bedroom with my new-ish husband. Keep reading »
I’m going to say something as a feminist ladyblogger that I suspect I’m not supposed to say: Why You’re Not Married … Yet: The Straight Talk You Need To Get The Relationship You Deserve, by Tracy McMillan, actually isn’t a terrible book.
Oh, it has some problematic aspects — and I’ll get to those. But generally what’s wrong with books like Why You’re Not Married … Yet or 2009′s Marry Him! The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb, isn’t the actual content. I’ve read a decent number of self-help books, both for professional reasons (to write about them on The Frisky) and for personal reasons (to find out why am I such an idiot when it comes to boys), and I even read that godawful Steve Harvey book Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man because my surrogate mother gave it to me. I’m open-minded to reading them, I guess you could say. So, while Why You’re Not Married … Yet is getting bopped everywhere from Jezebel to The Good Men Project, who titled their piece “Fuck Off Tracy McMillan,” I’ve actually read the book and what’s more, I loved it and found it extremely useful. What’s wrong with Why You’re Not Married … Yet isn’t the dating advice — it’s how that dating advice is only marketed towards women. Keep reading »