I was a little bit unsettled when I read a recent Cary Tennis column on Salon called “I’m 32 already. Time to get married!” I realized that I could have written the question myself (well, I just want to meet someone great). A woman is torn between wanting to meet a life partner and wanting to follow every fun, salacious flirtation that comes her way – because, after all, isn’t that the best part of being single? Tending to choose the latter, she knows that it will not ultimately get her what she wants.

I’ve been writing relationship advice for nearly ten years now and the number-one question I get asked—by readers and friends alike—isn’t anything filthy or even fun. It is: “How come I can’t meet anyone?”

Depending on your situation, there are a variety of answers to this question, but mostly, finding someone to tongue wrestle with on a regular basis comes down to a combination of luck and timing. That said, there are things you can do to ensure that you never even come close to falling in love.

If you ever get down about being single, things could be worse. You could be Statia Kealy, a 106-year-old woman who lives in Ireland and has been single her entire life. But she’s still hopeful. When the photographer for an Irish newspaper took her picture, she said, “I hope you find me a man with that photo.” If she doesn’t meet a guy, though, she’s not worried: “Those that get married do well, but those that don’t do better.” Is that some kind of famous saying? Or should we attribute the quote to Statia whenever we repeat it under our breath at weddings. [The Nationalist via Lemondrop]

“I’m 33 and I have a great job, friends, and family. While I’ve had serious relationships in the past and go on a fair amount of dates, I’m still alone. Why am I still single?” -Tracy, Colorado

Related videos:

Last night, my guy went to watch Megan Fox’s hot body, I mean, “Transformers 2.” One girlfriend wanted me to grab dinner and another wanted to see a movie.

But the only thing I wanted to do was eat half a bag of potato chips for dinner, flip through Women’s Health and paint my nails with a hot pink polish so bright it would blind a newborn.

So you know what? That’s what I did.

Kinda lame, I know. But I had a really great relationship with myself for those two years that I was single and last night reminded me there are some kinda lame things single women do that are actually really fun.

Bars exist to create a world of potential. Yet often, they are self-defeating because it’s not all that easy to meet new people in them, especially if you’re hopping with a pack of wingwomen (read: competition, intimidation).

A notion previously reserved for alcoholics, going to a bar alone can be about creating independence as well as a tactic for meeting strangers. Or, okay, maybe you just really want a drink and don’t want to look like a loser doing it.

Bad news for human females, as well as female voles (they’re rodents similar to mice): Swedish scientists have discovered that a man’s reluctance to commit might be in his genes. We’re not exactly sure how scientists figured out rodents don’t like to marry, but hey, whatever.

It’s called the “334 version of the AVPR1A gene” and it is more prevalent in men who didn’t want to pair up. The leader of the study said further research is required to find out how possible genetic mutations may affect women and the bonding hormone, oxytocin, which “seems to influence female pair-bonding more.” We guess this means if you’re chronically single, unforch, it might just be biology.  [Times of London UK]

It’s no secret that people are getting married later these days than in previous generations, and in this culture of hook-ups and “modern female dating anxiety,” we’re at no loss for theories that explain why. Some people say today’s twentysomethings are delaying marriage to focus on careers and build close friendships instead, but another explanation paints a less flattering picture of young people: apparently, they’re all just a bunch of narcissists. In an article on The Daily Beast this week, writer Hannah Seligson, explores this theory, writing: “narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture. Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives. Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey.”

In the last month or so, three of my close friends have gotten engaged. Meanwhile, I haven’t had a serious relationship for three years. For some reason, whenever I tell people that another one of my pals has a ring on her finger, they get a sad, sympathetic look on their face, like they’re afraid I might start crying or go into a deep depression. They shouldn’t be concerned, though, because I’m not the least bit jealous.

I’m getting married in a little over two months, and though this is a happy, exciting time in my life, there’s a bittersweetness. It started when I moved to New York a year and a half ago to be with my boyfriend. Up until then, our relationship had been long-distance; he was in Manhattan, and I was in Chicago. Through daily phone calls and frequent trips back and forth, we fell in love while still maintaining solo lives in our respective cities. It was a unique experience to be in a fully committed relationship, but continue living the same single-girl life I’d known since my last serious relationship (minus all the unsuccessful dating, of course). When I wasn’t in New York or hosting my boyfriend in Chicago, my weekends were filled cultivating other relationships — those with my closest friends. Life was filled with wine-drenched, late-night talks, long bike rides along the lake, picnics in the park, afternoon shopping frenzies, potlucks, brunches, and impromptu sleep-overs — all with my single friends. Now that I’m fully immersed in “coupled life,” I realize I’ll probably never have friendships like those again.

As a single person, it sometimes feels as if the world is partial to couples. Perhaps you’re like me—tired of checking that “single” box on your tax return while your married counterparts file jointly and gleefully claim dependents. You see a family buying in bulk at the supermarket and wish you could take such cost-saving measures without having to eat spaghetti every night for a month. Or you wonder what you’d do with the extra cash if your rent was suddenly halved.

Sure, families get tax breaks and cohabitaters have lower living expenses, but there are some financial upsides to being on your own, especially during an economic downturn. The truth is, with fewer responsibilities, singles are freer to take risks and find novel ways of coping with the stress of a Great Recession. Finally, the singletons have some advantages.

A “dating entrepreneur” from Australia has invented something he hopes will make it much easier for singles to approach one another. It’s called a “singles identification badge,” or, um, a button for short. The button costs $22.95, has the url of a dating site printed on it, and gets one access to online forums where people can organize meet-ups with others who share similar interests, kind of like that site called, you know, Meetup, which happens to be free. Evan Diacopolous, the 35-year-old behind the idea explains the button is like a “subtle and unobtrusive” sign that says, “’Hey I’m single, I’m looking for romance, don’t be afraid to come up and talk to me.” I used a similar sign pretty successfully when I was single — it was called “eye contact and a smile.” 

Diacopolous hasn’t had many people sign buy the button and the service yet, but he has high hopes in that in “two or three years time, we’ll have a quarter of single people wearing the badge.” Yeah, good luck with that. [News.com.au]

Here are the things I know for sure: I sleep better with socks on; I prefer Dutch chocolate to Swiss; I look lousy in black and will always wear it anyway; and I will never, ever live with a man again.

Sometime when I wasn’t looking, Valentine’s Day metamorphosed from a C-list kids’ holiday, with pink and red candy and construction-paper hearts, into an extravaganza. The regular-person equivalent of Oscar Night, but instead of Best Picture or Best Supporting Actress, prizes are given for Best Achievement in the Acquisition of a Leading Man.

But what if you don’t have a new pet “project” to promote or arm candy to show off? Better stay home rather than remind everyone that you couldn’t land the role of girlfriend, even for one night. Cause being single is cause for as much mortification as a bad dress on the red carpet.

I’ve been single so long, I was starting to think I’m do everything wrong…that is until I watched this totally ‘80s dating video, “Going On A Manhunt,” brought to us by the studs of VHS at Everything Is Terrible. Sheesh, the “experts” in this vid managed to come up with so many ideas even more overwrought than their permed hair—like using a small stuffed animal to get a man’s attention.  Seriously, what happened to a good old-fashioned low-cut dress?! If pathetically pretending to love a fake pet is what you need to find true love—i.e. a guy wearing an infomercial-style sweater—I’m going to resign myself to real cats and happily be a spinster for life!

Not long ago, I had a boyfriend. Now, I’m single. Again. I’d been feeling like my relationship wasn’t working for a while, but that hasn’t made the breakup any easier. I miss my ex, but even more, I miss the idea of us having a future together. At the same time, I’m getting into the idea of being single, and trying to embrace that rather than rushing to find someone to replace him. (There are few people I’ve had my eye on.) I’m reminded of “Single Girl” by Lush. It starts with “Single girl/who would want to be a single girl?” and ends with “I’m so happy I’m a single girl.” In the interest of focusing on the latter rather than the former, here are the top 10 reasons I’m happy to be single.

Being single around the holidays can get you extra seasonally depressed.  Everywhere I go, I see couples choosing knick-knacks together, making out in front of store windows, and drunkenly leaving parties early so they can go off and do it. Barf! Just kidding, it’s totally cute. I’ve been there and I’ve had a great time getting showered with expensive gifts from boyfriends! But something tells me I’m going to like being footloose and fancy-free this winter. After all, there are plenty of reasons to be happy that I didn’t stick with someone who wasn’t right for me just so I could cash in on a present….well, besides the fact that I’d have to shell out a gift for him too. After the jump, what I’ve discovered about the grass being greener on the single side of the season…

The December holidays are a time of romance and sex, right? Whimsical jewelry commercials, love-themed Christmas songs and invitations on pretty paper to parties for “you and a guest” all add up to a magical time of year… except if you’re single.

So I’ve concluded week two of being “on a break” from my relationship. Newsflash: It still sucks. So far, I’ve progressed from the “so damned depressed I may never emerge from under the covers” stage to the “okay, this may actually be real” stage. I’ve got no idea what week three’s stage will be, but I hope it’s better than this. Still, in the last two weeks, I’ve tried to pay attention to the changes in my life that have come as a result of all this upheaval. What follows are 10 strange things about being suddenly single.

1. Nobody says: “Have A Safe Flight!”: I’m not that anxious when it comes to flying, but I’ve always felt grateful for the times I’ve had someone sitting next to me with a hand I could squeeze. Flying alone, it feels like good luck to have a quickie phone call with someone saying, “I love you! Have a safe flight!” before shutting down my cell at the pilot’s instruction. Not so this time.