I have barely coughed at all today, which means I’m almost done with this horrific cold, which means it shouldn’t be a big deal that I forgot to buy cough medicine and now all the stores are closed. I’m just going to lie down and fall right to sleep and wake up totally refreshed.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, noooooo. Keep reading »
Right now, pretty much everyone I know is sick in bed with a cold, the flu, or some nasty stomach bug that turns your digestive system into mincemeat. Seriously, flu season is the worst. But did you know it’s particularly awful for men? That’s because men tend to react to sickness in very specific, very dramatic ways. Based on years of observations of brothers, dads, boyfriends, and friends, I’ve identified the 7 stages all sick men go through on their journey from first symptom back to wellness. They are as follows: Keep reading »
I was on the way to the hospital when he called to arrange our first date. Sobbing, I pressed “Ignore” and tried to steady my breathing. I wondered if I would live to take him up on his offer for coffee — I’d blurted out “I only drink tea,” and now, I wished I had said something better, something nicer. I hoped I would have the chance to apologize.
A few days earlier, a guy in my film production workshop at college had rushed up to me after class and asked to speak to me alone. Having said maybe five sentences to him in my entire life, I couldn’t imagine what he wanted to talk about, but I waited anyway. He offered coffee, I countered with tea, he smiled sheepishly and said he didn’t drink coffee either, and I gave him my number. He departed just as fast as he had appeared, leaving me surprised and giddy. Keep reading »
Getting a disease or sickness has never been something that anyone looked forward to, but now you just might. These giant plush microbes are stuffed animals of diseases like syphilis, herpes, anthrax, and mad cow, which are only some of the many different stuffed diseases that are available. Giving someone herpes or the kissing disease doesn’t have to be such a bad thing now, after all it’s cute, fuzzy and comfortable to sleep with. These stuffed toys come in all different cells, diseases, and viruses, and while they make a great gag gift for a friend, they can even be a great get-well gift too. Now when you tell your friend “I’m sorry you have the flu,” you can give them the stuffed animal that goes along with it too. Happy sneezes! [ThinkGeek] Keep reading »
Devil get behind me, it’s cold and flu season. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a mom who refused to categorize any of her five kids as officially “sick” unless fluids were exploding and the temperature hit well into the hundreds, but I am not the person you want taking care of you when you’re not feeling well. Conversely, when I’m under the weather, the first thing out of my boyfriend’s mouth is always an offer to rub my chest down with alcohol just like his Greek mama used to do when he was a kid. No, thanks!
I’ve found there are two types of patients—the cranks and the crybabies. I’m more of a crank. I want glasses of cold water, complete silence for the duration, and whatever medications I’m taking within arm’s reach. Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to get yelled at. Keep reading »
Have you ever just not been in the mood to go out on yet another first date, but force yourself to do it anyway? You talk yourself into it, reasoning, “What if he’s the one and instead of meeting him, I stayed home to eat cereal out of the box and watch ‘Gossip Girl’?” So, being a trooper, you slap on some lipstick and head out. And then nine times out of ten, the whole evening turns out to be an exercise in humiliation and/or futility and you come home more miserable than you were beforehand.
That’s because while it can be fun, dating can also be brutal. To be at all successful you have to be at the top of your game. Do you think Serena Williams sits around drinking milkshakes and watching reality TV the week before Wimbledon? No. She trains, stretches, meditates and makes certain her cutest tennis whites are clean. Keep reading »