Tag Archives: sexpert

The Nookie Know-It-All: A Puppy Problem

Q: My dog constantly barks when I’m having sex. It’s so annoying and a bit of a turn-off and I don’t know what to do. If I put him in another room he barks even louder. My guy recommended we keep the puppy on the bed with us during the act but that kind of creeps me out. Is it weird that my guy is cool with that? — Sick Of The Yelping, New York, NY

A: Blugh. I just shuddered at my desk. Puppies and sex? I can think of a ton of things that go better together. Vanilla and chocolate, peas and carrots, margaritas and tacos. Life is too short to mix gross things like puppies and sex. Now that you know I’m a prude who doesn’t think Lassie and fellatio go together, I feel confident telling you it’s a little weird your boyfriend wants to keep him on the bed. With that being said, I can also see how guys can be clueless. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s more of the “duh” factor with your man, as opposed to the “Holy crap, I’m dating a freak!” factor.

You should talk to your boyfriend and tell him that it bothers you. Sit him down and compare the dog to your fictional child for a bit. Tell him the dog is part of the family and that allowing him to watch is the equivalent of a kid seeing his parents doing it — though definitely use the “f” word, because that will get the point across. Then you should immediately look into a trainer or get some books on how to stop your dog from barking. I’m no pet expert, but I think training the dog to not bark while you’re doing the deed is a better solution than letting him watch the action. Now, if the dog still wants to watch, go ahead and make the bitch pay for it. That kind of entertainment doesn’t come for free. Keep reading »

Putting Out In Bed Same As Putting Out The Trash

Or so says Dr. Pam Spurr, a sexpert who writes in the Times Online that feminism has made it so women are routinely depriving their partners of sex because “they just don’t feel like it.” Her solution to the problem of awkwardly unbalanced sexual desires in relationships is that both partners need to suck it up and treat sex as a duty that they need to perform whether they’re in the mood or not. We take some issue with this — obviously going without sex in a relationship is usually a sign of a larger problem, but her solution sucks. Nothing is less panty-wetting than having sex out of obligation, even if the person you love is getting off. Plus, routinely doing something you don’t want to tends to create, uh, anger at the person you’re performing said unwanted duty for. Additionally, Spurr seems to think that feminism makes women cold and unfeeling towards their partner’s desires — we suspect there’s a certain insensitivity to her needs at play too. So our big, bad, awesome solution? Freaking talk about it people! What’s distracting you from being interested in the nookie? Chances are the issues causing the disinterest are totally work-through-able, without throwing up your hands, spreading your legs, and pretending to moan for his benefit and not your own. Now that we’ve put out the trash… [Times Online] Keep reading »

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