Tag Archives: sexpert

The Nookie Know-It-All: Morning After Etiquette

Whenever I sleep over at a new guy’s place, I am never sure what to do/how to act in the morning. Am I supposed to leave? Am I supposed to stay and pretend to be sleeping? Also, how do I hint to a guy who has slept over that it’s time for him to leave? — Awkward In The Mornin’, Dallas, TX

Isn’t it weird how awkward conversation over eggs seems way scarier than letting some dude put his penis in you? It’s because the morning-after usually signifies what direction (if any) this new relationship will take. That’s a lot of pressure before 9 AM! Your safest bet is to take the guys’ cue when you wake up. If Mr. X is already dressed and halfway out the door when you’re just starting to rub the sleep out of your eyes, than you know it’s time to say goodbye. If you wake up to Mr. Y offering you a pair of his boxers and bunny slippers, than make yourself at home and stay awhile.

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The Nookie Know-It-All: Love Bites

I’m having a problem with hickeys, and I was wondering if you could tell me how to get rid of them—fast. — Bruisey, Providence, RI

Are you dating a 12-year-old? Do people STILL give hickeys? I’ll stop sounding like a grandma…but one more thing: If you want to get rid of them so fast, why are you letting someone give them in the first place? As soon as you feel Dracula heading for your neck, get out the garlic and tell him to lay off! If that doesn’t work, try this two-part method the next time you get a neck gift:

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The Nookie Know-It-All: Your Sexual Tool Kit

My husband came into the relationship with some fun sex toys, but after awhile, I decided it was a little weird to play with toys someone else had used. Any advice on how to build a sex toy starter kit I can call my own? — Using Used Goods, Los Angeles, CA

After awhile??? So you’re saying you actually used something that was INSIDE another woman? Sorry for the caps and itals, but I have a hard enough time using the same bar of soap with my roommate, let alone using a toy that was in another girl’s vag. Considering our hygienic difference, you might not be into the same sex toys I’d be into (anal beads covered with Saran Wrap). But, on the off chance you’re not super freaky, I’ve got some good pointers for you. Keep reading »

The Nookie Know-It-All: Back Door Business

My boyfriend and I have decided to try anal, but I’ve heard it’s good to sort of ‘warm up’ first. Are there tricks to getting myself relaxed enough? I’ve heard porn stars have enemas or stop eating a day before. Do I have to go to all that trouble? What if it comes up more spontaneously? — Back Door Betty, Santa Clara, CA

Here’s a little tip about porn stars. The enema and no eating a day before anal is, I imagine, like a method actor preparing for a role. Did you hear how Tom Hanks prepared for his role in Cast Away? He literally starved himself for weeks at a time so he could actually feel like he was stranded on a deserted island. For porn stars, their butt IS that island. Yours isn’t, so don’t get so freaked out.

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The Nookie Know-It-All: Going Down

“Is there a secret to being awesome at oral sex? I’m not sure if I’m doing it well, and I’m not about to discuss my technique with my friends.” — Needing Lessons, Santa Fe, NM

The real secret to oral sex that nobody ever talks about is that you have to be into it! You know how passionate you get about buying shoes or watching the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model? Put that same gleeful cheer into fellatio, and you’ll have your guy going through the roof.

With that said, there’s a few “tricks of the trade” (I totally sound like a hooker) that will spice up the average beej. My favorites, after the jump… Keep reading »

The Nookie Know-It-All: Spicing It Up In The Sack

“Lots of things about my relationship are great, but the sex is vanilla — my boyfriend is weirded out by my collection of sex toys, and isn’t willing to experiment. What should I do?” — In Need Of Spice, New Orleans, LA

I think this depends on what kind of toys you have. If your collection is filled with gag-balls and strap-ons, I can’t say I blame your boyfriend for feeling uneasy. On the other hand, if all you want to do is lock him to the bed with furry pink handcuffs, there’s some room to negotiate.

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