Tag Archives: sexpert

The Nookie Know-It-All: Morning After Etiquette

Whenever I sleep over at a new guy’s place, I am never sure what to do/how to act in the morning. Am I supposed to leave? Am I supposed to stay and pretend to be sleeping? Also, how do I hint to a guy who has slept over that it’s time for him to leave? — Awkward In The Mornin’, Dallas, TX

Isn’t it weird how awkward conversation over eggs seems way scarier than letting some dude put his penis in you? It’s because the morning-after usually signifies what direction (if any) this new relationship will take. That’s a lot of pressure before 9 AM! Your safest bet is to take the guys’ cue when you wake up. If Mr. X is already dressed and halfway out the door when you’re just starting to rub the sleep out of your eyes, than you know it’s time to say goodbye. If you wake up to Mr. Y offering you a pair of his boxers and bunny slippers, than make yourself at home and stay awhile.

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The Nookie Know-It-All: Love Bites

I’m having a problem with hickeys, and I was wondering if you could tell me how to get rid of them—fast. — Bruisey, Providence, RI

Are you dating a 12-year-old? Do people STILL give hickeys? I’ll stop sounding like a grandma…but one more thing: If you want to get rid of them so fast, why are you letting someone give them in the first place? As soon as you feel Dracula heading for your neck, get out the garlic and tell him to lay off! If that doesn’t work, try this two-part method the next time you get a neck gift:

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The Nookie Know-It-All: Your Sexual Tool Kit

My husband came into the relationship with some fun sex toys, but after awhile, I decided it was a little weird to play with toys someone else had used. Any advice on how to build a sex toy starter kit I can call my own? — Using Used Goods, Los Angeles, CA

After awhile??? So you’re saying you actually used something that was INSIDE another woman? Sorry for the caps and itals, but I have a hard enough time using the same bar of soap with my roommate, let alone using a toy that was in another girl’s vag. Considering our hygienic difference, you might not be into the same sex toys I’d be into (anal beads covered with Saran Wrap). But, on the off chance you’re not super freaky, I’ve got some good pointers for you. Keep reading »

The Nookie Know-It-All: Back Door Business

My boyfriend and I have decided to try anal, but I’ve heard it’s good to sort of ‘warm up’ first. Are there tricks to getting myself relaxed enough? I’ve heard porn stars have enemas or stop eating a day before. Do I have to go to all that trouble? What if it comes up more spontaneously? — Back Door Betty, Santa Clara, CA

Here’s a little tip about porn stars. The enema and no eating a day before anal is, I imagine, like a method actor preparing for a role. Did you hear how Tom Hanks prepared for his role in Cast Away? He literally starved himself for weeks at a time so he could actually feel like he was stranded on a deserted island. For porn stars, their butt IS that island. Yours isn’t, so don’t get so freaked out.

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The Nookie Know-It-All: Going Down

“Is there a secret to being awesome at oral sex? I’m not sure if I’m doing it well, and I’m not about to discuss my technique with my friends.” — Needing Lessons, Santa Fe, NM

The real secret to oral sex that nobody ever talks about is that you have to be into it! You know how passionate you get about buying shoes or watching the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model? Put that same gleeful cheer into fellatio, and you’ll have your guy going through the roof.

With that said, there’s a few “tricks of the trade” (I totally sound like a hooker) that will spice up the average beej. My favorites, after the jump… Keep reading »

The Nookie Know-It-All: Spicing It Up In The Sack

“Lots of things about my relationship are great, but the sex is vanilla — my boyfriend is weirded out by my collection of sex toys, and isn’t willing to experiment. What should I do?” — In Need Of Spice, New Orleans, LA

I think this depends on what kind of toys you have. If your collection is filled with gag-balls and strap-ons, I can’t say I blame your boyfriend for feeling uneasy. On the other hand, if all you want to do is lock him to the bed with furry pink handcuffs, there’s some room to negotiate.

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The Nookie Know-It-All: A Magnum Man

“I am dating a new guy and I want to have sex with him, but he’s extremely well endowed. If I start having regular sex with him will I stretch my vagina permanently?” — Dating Mr. Big

Unless his penis is the size of a 9 lb. baby, the answer is “no.” Vaginas have a lot of natural elasticity, and even expand with arousal. The width of a large penis is not likely to stretch your vagina any noticeable amount.

If this is an issue you’re worried about, try doing daily Kegel exercises. Kegels are like pilates for your vagina, tightening the muscles that surround the urethra, vagina, and anus. If you’re not sure which muscle to contract for this exercise, try testing it out while you’re peeing. The muscle you use the stop the flow of urine is the same one you should contract for kegels. Start with reps of 10 a day and increase as needed.

Now go have sex, my child!

Got a burning question for our amazingly wise Nookie Know-It-All? Email it to sexpert@thefrisky.com. Don’t worry, we’ll keep your deets between us. Keep reading »

The Nookie Know-It-All: Makin’ A Break

“What’s the best way to exit an awkward morning-after?” — Pullin’ The Slip in Akron, OH

Planning a hit and run? The best way to get out of dodge is usually the most obvious. Tell your boy-toy you’ve got plans. If it’s a weekday, tell him you’ve got an early work meeting. If it’s a weekend, tell him you’ve got brunch plans with your girlfriends. If you’re not into this guy, be sure you don’t sugarcoat the goodbye speech, or you could get a stage-five clinger. Try not to say things like, “I’ve got to go, but I really want you to call me.” Or, “I’ve got to run but I’d love to see what our kids would look like.” If he tries to ask for your number on the way out and you don’t want to talk to him again, use the same line girls have been hearing for years: tell him you had a really nice time last night, but you’re just getting over somebody and aren’t ready to start something new. You might break his little heart…but at least you won’t have to break your phone.

Got a burning question for our amazingly wise Nookie Know-It-All? Email it to sexpert@thefrisky.com. Don’t worry, we’ll keep your deets between us.
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The Nookie Know-It-All: Pregs On The ‘Rod

“Can you really not get preggers if you have sex on the last days of your period?” — Hating Condoms, Cleveland, OH

How many times have you heard an “Oops” story? Every Christmas there’s always that relative that drinks too much eggnog and says something like, “You know, Larry was a mistake. We were done having kids. We wanted to go to Bermuda.” I’m sure if Larry was a lawyer and not still living with his mother, she wouldn’t say that. But you get my drift.

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The Nookie Know-It-All: Threesome Etiquette

What are some easy steps to having a threesome where no one gets hurt? — Menage A Trois, Greenwich, CT

You’d think there’d be a Threesome for Dummies or Emily Post’s Guide to Entertaining Your Third Party…but alas, there’s not. Instead, you’ve got me.

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