While watching your partner have sex with another person is common enough to play a vibrant role in swinging and orgies, and to spawn porn parodies like “One Flew Over the Cuckold’s Nest,” in general it’s safe to assume that a conversation regarding your partner’s sexual history rarely ends well. Recalling Amsterdam trips at 19 or drunken indiscretions with a married man upon moving to New York typically don’t make for the best dirty talk. While honesty is the best policy, exchanging such details in a new relationship often leaves you wishing you left them in your past like your Bob Marley wall tapestry rather than stamped on your present like the peace sign tattoo on your ass.
As a sex writer, I can attest to the usefulness of personal anecdotes in writing. (See: This article.) People tend to be more interested in learning about “sounding” (the practice of inserting objects up the urethra) when you can describe a British man exhibiting such a kink in your bed after a tea date than simply an interview with a sexologist on the practice standing alone. Less clinical, more relatable, with a punch of humor. “The truth is stranger than fiction” said Mark Twain, although I don’t think he was referring to pinkies up pee-holes. While the general population tends to appreciate such tales, the one reader group that grimaces, perhaps secondary to my parents, are my boyfriends. Keep reading »
“I am an 18-year old college student. I have been dating an amazing guy who is nine months older than me for over two years. He is also in college, but we go to different universities. We have been having sex since I was 17 and the only problem has been my mother, who has disapproved. I thought that when I was in college she would leave me alone. realize that I am an adult, and give me some freedom. But no. When I recently told her that I had spent the night with my boyfriend, she got mad and said that I should have asked her. She doesn’t know that we have sex (after two years, she could hardly assume two hormonal teenagers would behave like saints), but how can I tell her to back off and that I am not her little innocent girl anymore?” — Bird Who’s Left The Nest, via email Keep reading »
“How easy is mono to get from brief sexual contact?” — Curious About The Kissing Disease, via email
Mono, short for mononucleosis, is known as “the kissing disease,” and is easily transmitted through saliva. So unless you’re not making out during sex (who are you, Julia Roberts?), then you’re able to get it through sexual contact…even the very brief kind. (FYI, he might want to get that checked out.)
As a matter of fact, I can tell you I’ve had mono three times. The first two times I got it I hadn’t even HAD sex yet, and was not making out with anybody (blame braces and red eyeglasses). I just happened to share a beverage or two with people at some high school parties. If I had known my entire Spring Break would have been ruined that one year, I would have saved my six-pack of Zima for myself. Keep reading »
“I am a new mother of my fourth child. During the last couple of months of my pregnancy, my husband was uncomfortable having sex with me. I felt rejected, but kind of understood. This led to a good three months of no sex. By the time we DID it, it was awkwardly uncomfortable for me. I still felt like a whale. It is now two months since that first time, and we’re still not at normal speed. We used to have sex at least twice per week. The last time we had sex was three weeks ago. I feel rejected, further, and I have no confidence to initiate anything. I feel lonely and heartbroken. I love him, and I have no intentions of leaving him, but I can’t imagine allowing him to see me naked again. Is it possible to put off sex until I lose more baby-weight? I know that it could boost my confidence to tone up and give my body a good makeover. Can a relationship survive no sex during the time it would take to lose about 30 pounds?” — New Mom In Crisis, via email Keep reading »
The Joy of Sex, the groundbreaking tome of the swinging ’60s and ’70s, changed the way America felt about fornication. Originally written by Alex Comfort, it took on taboos like bondage and was all about harnessing the sexual revolution purely for pleasure. Now, over three decades later, it’s new and improved, this time thanks to a woman! Rewritten by the nearly 60-year-old blogger and sexpert Susan Quilliam, she’s given the illicit sex book a much needed dose of estrogen — not mention some serious clit-talk. While the original opus mentioned the oh-so sensitive spot only three times, Quilliam ups the ante to even discussing new trends like phone sex, sex with a baby bump, and strip tease. But in a world facing an AIDS crisis, she’s also shifted some other sexual attitudes. Even though she’s a spinster herself, she’s focused her advice for people in committed, loving relationships. Oh and one other bonus — this new edition has also replaced the outdated drawings of two hairy hippies getting it on with a bunch of modern hotties bumpin’ bottoms. With a twist and a woman’s touch, this book is sure to be a new classic — but you’ll have to wait until it reaches U.S. bookshelves in January 2009. [Times Online]
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“Ugh, the guy I have been dating will not shut the hell up during sex! He’s always directing me (“do this…do that”) or giving a play-by-play of every second (‘I love seeing your breasts bounce, blah blah blah’). How do I politely tell him to BE QUIET?” — Wishing I Was Deaf, via email
Ugh…that would drive me crazy! For me, talking non-stop in bed is like talking in the movies…totally uncalled for and annoying. But some chicks are super into it, and that’s probably why this guy you’re dating does it. An ex of his probably said, “Oooh, yeah. Tell me what you’re doing to me right now. Talk dirty to me!”, and he decided to work it into his sexual arsenal. All it takes it one girl to eff it up for the rest of us.
Go ahead and undo the damage caused by that beyatch and tell him talking during sex makes you feel weird. Tell him you’re not used to it and it takes your focus away from him. If he doesn’t understand or like what you’re saying, then you might be too late to save this one.
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