The following is an excerpt from Whip Smart: A Memoir, by Melissa Febos, who we recently interviewed about her four years working as a dominatrix at a New York City dungeon. Here, Febos is about to have her very first “domination session” with a male client at the dungeon, for which she is being paid $75.
An hour can be a long time. Hell, a minute can be a long time. The minute before your first kiss with someone is a painstaking collection of seconds, each one more bloated with anticipation than the last. The first minute of a tattoo is a long one as well. Pain has few rivals in its ability to slow time. Fear, excitement, elation — these are kissing cousins, all with the sensorial power to render each second humming with every tick and gasp of our bodies, the whirr of insect wings and distant car engines. Sometimes, I could savor these moments, relish them as opportunities to walk straight into the fact of being alive. In the seconds that crept into the minutes of my very first domination session, I had no idea what I wanted. The $75 certainly, but beyond that? Character- building life experience? I would have confidently named these motives right up until the moment that the door of the Red Room closed behind me. With the clasp of its latch, all bravado and ideology dimmed with the light of the hallway behind. It was only me, a naked old man, and 60 minutes of palpable expectation. An hour alone with a naked man with whom you do not intend to have sex can be a very long time …
Keep reading »
A dominatrix: all of us know what one is. But let’s be honest: few of us actually know a woman who earns her living as one (that we’re aware of, anyway). But you’ll become, ahem, intimately familiar with one after reading the recently published book, Whip Smart: A Memoir, by Melissa Febos.
Febos, who nowadays teaches writing and literature at SUNY Purchase College in New York, was just a college student looking to earn extra cash at a Manhattan dungeon. But surprisingly, something about domme-ing men for money appealed to her. Febos — who was also busy acquiring, and then kicking, a heroin addiction — spat, spanked and insulted her way through clients for a whole four years before she left the dominatrix life for good.
I spoke with Febos about what initially drew her to sex work, how she broke the news to mom and dad that she was a dominatrix (yes, they knew!), and what she did with all those kinky clothes when she finally hung up her whip. Keep reading »
One film in particular has shaken up the Berlin International Film Festival taking place this week: “Frauenzimmer,” a documentary by 28-year-old filmmaker Saara Aila Waasner which follows three grandmother-aged women who work as prostitutes in Germany. Yes, prostitutes! Christel, 59, boasts of the demand for older women; Paula, 49, runs a bordello; and Karolina, 64, is a dominatrix who works in an S&M studio. Waasner said she wanted to show “the real people behind the job” and how some female sex workers find the job to be empowering, not exploitative. We just have one question: How soon until “Frauenzimmer” — or “Silver Girls” in English — opens in the U.S.? [The Local DE]
Keep reading »
The Sheriff of Cook County is suing Craiglist. Chicagoan Tom Dart claims the site cost his department $100,000 in prostitution prosecution in 2008. Monitoring the erotic services section of the site alone has yielded big busts, including a ring of four men who were pimping girls as young as fifteen! In fact, in June 2008 they arrested 76 people involved in illegal sexual activities. Dart says he could chase working girls on the website all day, but instead, he’s going after the webmasters, or as he puts it, “I’m trying to go up the ladder.” Keep reading »
As the economy goes soft, some women are seeking to earn extra cash as freelance sex workers. As it turns out, there’s a market for powerful career gals who can dominate a man’s world — literally. According to Tracy Quan’s “Kinkonomics,” recently laid off ladies are freelancing as professional dominatrixes. Although sex workers generally consider pro-domme work the most difficult sex work, these well-educated, middle-class working girls have decided to try their hand at the kinky version of the world’s oldest profession. It’s another type of economic stimulus package; this one includes bondage, verbal humiliation, and foot worship. [The Daily Beast]
Keep reading »
Porn stars are sex professionals. It’s their business to know about pleasure and how to get it, or atleast how to seem like you’re getting it. Sure, some things should be left to the experts — like electrical work and medical exams — but when it comes to sex, we amateurs want to do it like professionals. So, for good girls who want to be naughty, here are The Top Five Tips For Screwing Like A Porn Star:
1. Be Eager Send him slutty text messages, go commando — when you’re ready for some action, take it!
Keep reading »