We all know from Cupid and Hallmark and Victoria’s Secret that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the sexiest, sultriest, panty-droppingest day in existence.
We also know that’s not actually going to happen.
But you can try, can’t you? Your partner probably isn’t going to turn into Christian/Christina Grey for the night. But that doesn’t mean you can’t introduce a sex toy or three to spice things up. Here’s nine toys we think you might enjoy for a little something-something extra this Valentine’s Day. Let us know how it goes … if you’re willing to kiss and tell.
Really, the best thing about Reddit’s “I Was A Dildo Engineer” Ask Me Anything were the comment threads. Sure, it was interesting to learn that dildo engineers are highly educated, well-paid and ethical. It makes you feel confident about what you’re putting in your vagina. Even if the people designing your sex toys are all men. That was an interesting tidbit: that everyone on the dildo engineer’s team was a dude. Also, it was helpful to find out that if you take the middle battery out of bullet, it lasts longer. But the comedy. OH, THE COMEDY. After the jump, the funniest threads. Keep reading »
We live in the sexiest time ever. For most of history, condoms were hollowed-out sheep guts, “getting lucky” meant not contracting a plague, and the more insane religions insisted that even masturbation was a sin (despite the fact that jerking off is the literal fucking definition of “enjoying yourself without bothering anyone else”). Any god against that is both a voyeur and a killjoy.
Thanks to the Internet, the average modern teenager has seen more nudity than an orgiastic Roman emperor with X-ray vision. We’ve realized that human genitals are like LEGO: lots of fun to put together, and if you get bored with all the possible combinations, you can buy extra bits to connect. But this ability to screw absolutely everything has spilled over into, well, absolutely everything. For example: The ’80s aren’t just nostalgia, they’re subconscious urges that have been stewing in hormones for 30 years.
Sex has leaked into science fiction. And just like science fiction warned us, the real madness begins when this stuff escapes into the real world. Read more…
New vibrators are always a cause for celebration, but these ones have me scratching my head instead of my fun button. Smile Makers has based their four new vibrators our four different dude identities. These anthropomorphic sex toys are (pictured above from left to right) the Fireman, the Millionaire, the Frenchman, and the Tennis Coach. Each one is shaped differently for your pleasure needs … but I can’t understand for the life of me why the Frenchman is shaped like an ice cream scoop. But good call on making me truthfully tell my friends I have a hot date with a millionaire tonight … [Fast Company]
We’ve had lots of boyfriends who we’ve had to remind to wash their hands before they put them anywhere near our vaginas. Don’t they know that dirty paws cause yeast and bacterial infections, or, on the off chance that he’s been chopping jalepenos, a fucking wildfire down there? These are the kinds of thing that people with penises don’t seem to understand. They think we’re molly coddling our coochies, being precious about our privates, but vadges really are temperamental.
Because of germs and jalepenos and general man hand dirtiness, we humbly request that the Invention Gods create a biometric hand sanitizer so boys could scan their hands and be germ/jalepeno/whatever-free within seconds. How much more fun would that make sex? A lot more, we think.
Click onward for some more sexventions that we think would revolutionize our sex lives.
As any blogger who writes about sex will tell you, we get a lot of “gifts.” When I say “gifts,” I actually mean sex toys to test out in the hopes we’ll write about them later. If you saw my “special” drawer next to my bed, you’d see that it’s full of a variety of dildos, vibrators, anal plugs, vegan lubes, flavored lubes, handcuffs, a bamboo paddle and even a pair of nipple clamps.
While some of these items still remain in their boxes (pun!) untouched, others have been opened and hugely appreciated by either myself or the person with whom I’m sharing my bed. At one time, I had so many vibrators (new and unopened), that I just kept them on my kitchen table and would let my friends take whatever they wanted. Seriously. What does one woman, with only two orifices need with all that stuff? (I say two, because I’ve never been one to put a vibrator in my mouth – just not my thing.) Keep reading »