Oh, the joys of family: this weekend my conservative older sister is coming to visit, which means I’ve got to get my act together. Sweep the floor. Hide the Percosets. And for God’s sake, unplug the vibrator. Luckily I have a designated “goodie drawer” where I keep my toys, but in high school I hid my very first vibe amongst my undies and prayed that neither of my parents ever tried to put away my laundry.
Snoopers be snoopin’ and a girl’s gotta be prepared. Here are 13 places you could hide vibrators of all sizes and (probably) not get caught!
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Leave it to geeks to figure out a way to combine sex toys and the Internet. Googlher is a Google-powered vibrator that plugs into your computer and vibrates like a “bullet vibrator” with the help of the Googlher Firefox Add-on.
Sounds overly complicated to me. I firmly believe that masturbation should not threaten to crash your browser. But if the over-the-top moaning in this NFSW promotional video is any indication, jerking off to Google actually works! [Vimeo]
If you wanna put something in your a**hole, you may as well use an a**hole, right? The Assama bin Laden butt plug is a lovely, pink-hued rendering of Osama bin Laden. If sticking this terrorist where the sun don’t shine is still too good for him, you are in luck. CelebrityButt-Plugs.com has many other fine other butt plugs on the way, like Sarah Impalin, Barack O-Bum-A, Buttney Spears and The Sperminator. I guess someone decided “Lady CaCa” and “Sarah Jessica Pooper” were too literal? [The Gloss] Keep reading »
Okay, false advertising. No actual Czech beauty queens actually get spanked in this story. But the lovely ladies in the Miss Czech 2011 pageant were sternly warned they could be disqualified after photos appeared of them playing with sex toys, including handcuffs. Kinky Czech beauty queens are just about the only beauty queens I can handle, frankly. The women were reportedly drunkenly celebrating at a birthday party when the sex toys and the cameras came out. Come on, ladies! Amateur move right there. Nevertheless, I think it’s totally dumb that pageants based on looks try to make the contestants adhere to some B.S. “good girls don’t!” ideal. Good girls do, duh. [The Sun UK] Keep reading »
I whip my
hair belt back and forth! Well, I would if I had this combination belt and cat of nine tails. Hint, hint, boy toys! But you don’t have to bend over to purchase this kinky item. Made by dirty designer Incoqnito, it retails for a mere 89 bones. Think of it as an investment piece. [Trend Hunter] Keep reading »
Forget Epic Mickey and Super Mario Galaxy, the Mojowijo Wii Vibrator is the funnest reason to get the wand gaming system. Thanks to choice attachments, Mojowijo is designed for both men and women. Plus, it promises totally customizable vibes, so no more finding the right setting, speed, or fighting battery power. Your sexy time partner — or you — wave the wand in the rhythm you want and then it echoes back the pattern in the sex toy attachment. It even works if your partner is in another country, thanks to an internet connection. Hell yeah! And the best part is, the game is looking for beta testers. The line starts behind me. [Mojowijo via Asylum] Keep reading »
Japan has revolutionized robots, animation, and video games. But get a load of their latest entertainment product: a virgin sex doll, complete with a pop-able hymen! Oozing red lotion refills included, so every time you make sweet love stick it in, she’ll get fake blood all over your sheets. Sexy! The name of the product is so dirty, I can’t type it, but I can tell you the price, $95 on Jlist.com. And her back door is open for business too, bonus! But for the record, if you’re a virgin and you have sex with a doll, you’re still a virgin. One more photo, after the jump… Keep reading »
For those of you who like to play police officer/naughty girl in the shower, nothing says amore like neoprene, Velcro, and suction cups! OK, I don’t actually want to have sex in my shower because it’s got all kinds of nasty black fungus rapidly multiplying on the shower liner. But with a few squirts of Scrubbing Bubbles, I would totally get cuffed into these $20 sex-in-the-shower handcuffs faster than you can say “soap scum.” These fun sex toys look loads less slippery than holding on to the shampoo caddy for dear life. Free sample, please? It’s for, um, a friend. [SexToyFun.com] Keep reading »
What the GThrust promises sounds enticing — “a G-rush!” — but I don’t get what it is or how it works, even after Hilary explained it to me and two people in underwear fake humped for 5 minutes and 28 seconds. Can one of you figure it out? [Copyranter
] Keep reading »