It’s Murphy’s Law of unexpected sex: If you are wearing the most unfortunate/unflattering/complicated article of clothing, you will be getting laid. If you get all dolled up in your favorite “f**k me” outfit with your wrinkle-proof dress, new La Perla lingerie and freshly shaved legs it’s almost a guarantee that no man will so much as glance at you. But put on your pajamas to go get toilet bowl cleaner at the drug store, and the hottest man you’ve ever seen will invite you over to his place. Why? We don’t know. This is just how spontaneous sex happens. It’s not fair. But life isn’t fair. You have to roll with it. Hike up those PJ pants and pray he doesn’t notice the chocolate stains. After all, you never know when you’ll have the opportunity again. The worst things you can be wearing when the penis of your dreams arises … Keep reading »
Think back to when your parents first told you, as you uncomfortably sat across from them on the couch with sweaty palms, about the birds and the bees. Your mom told you a sweet little tale about how a sperm meets an egg, the egg is fertilized, a baby grows in her stomach, and in nine months, it is miraculously born. Did she skip the part about, “By the way, a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating, and he can ejaculate without having an orgasm?” I thought so.
While defining the female orgasm is often met with consternation, most of us see the male orgasm as pretty straight forward. But it isn’t always. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the same process when men orgasm and when they ejaculate.
Let’s define the big O so we are all on the same page.
An orgasm is the peak in sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle, characterized by a release in sexual tension, often immense pleasure, and muscle contractions in the genital region. Orgasm can also come along with increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, increased respiration, and possible spasms in the extremities. The degree of an orgasm can vary due to state of mind, physical factors, and in all honesty, randomness. Keep reading »
Grease may tell us that “Summer Lovin’” is a blast, but in reality, trying to get it on in the sweltering heat isn’t exactly super-comfortable. When the temperatures reach well into the 90′s, who even wants to have sex anyway? Most people would probably rather lay on the opposite side of the room from their partner and think about sex than actually indulge in it. Ugh, summer can be such a bummer for our sex lives.
But as animals with sex drives, it’s not always easy to keep yourself away from your instinct to mount each other, even if your air conditioner just broke and you’re pretty sure you just lost a pound of weight in sweat. If that’s the case, then do it. Just remember it could get, er, a little unpleasant. Here are some pointers:
Sweat. You will sweat. Fact. If you’re sitting in a pool of sweat, just think about how that sweat factor is going to triple or quadruple the second you start getting it on. If you’re not comfortable dripping in mass amounts of salty sweat in front of your partner, then you may want to wait until that air conditioner is fixed — or Labor Day, to make the “beast with two backs,” as Shakespeare called it. Read more …
Musicians may have more sex than your average bear, but as the bad advice covered in these lyrics show, they may not always know what they’re talking about. The following are some egregious examples of misguided advice. Keep reading »
If I could have three wishes from a Genie they would be the following: Jason Giambi would happily agree to have sexwith me, drinking beer would dramatically improve my figure and the word “slut” would lose its negative connotation and become a widely accepted term of endearment far and wide. I’m pretty firm in my conviction that number twenty-three will eventually come around, but I’m afraid the other two wishes are a wee bit far-fetched. A girl can dream.
A girl can also embrace her “slut status” with grace and dignity. That’s right my friends. There are methods to the madness that is the promiscuous adult female. Sure, there are moments when she becomes completely crazy, but that’s half of the fun when you’re interacting with and living the life of a slut. Read more …
Let me tell you about a thing that happened to me once: It was 2004. and I was 25 and out to dinner with a guy I’d been casually seeing for awhile. I was under the impression that, following our post-dinner drinks, we’d be going back to his place so we could … pick your euphemism why don’t you: Do the horizontal mambo, do it, bone. But then, as we exited the bar, he was all, “Well, I should really be getting home.”
I took this as an indication that he was shy – unsure of whether or not I was in the mood – and so I took it upon myself to throw my arms around his neck and say, “Whaaaaat? Nooooo! Don’t you want to have sex with me tonight? It’ll be … fun!”
Then I burped accidentally. I’m talking, like, right in his face. Keep reading »
Even if you’re a masturbation pro, there are still ways to spruce up your technique. Like having sex, there are many ways to masturbate and adding new things to your usual menu of choices is a great way to keep things exciting. Here are some tips, in Honor of National Masturbation Month:
1. Tool. Some women prefer their hands, others their collection of vibrators, and, as a few of my friends will attest to, a shower head with appropriate pressure can also be a great clit pleaser. If you’re usually a shower or vibrator person, try just your hand for a change and vice versa. You don’t really know just how hard you can orgasm if you don’t try different tools for satisfaction.
2. Mood. For many people, masturbation is a means to put horniness to an end or to relieve stress, but why should it stop there? If you’re having a horrible day, masturbate to take your mind off things and set your mood right. Or if you have pain in some part of your body, masturbating, again, can take your mind off that pain, at least for a few minutes, and do some heavy-duty soothing. Read more…
The indie rom-com “The Pill” is about the day after a one-night stand that the man fears will result in a pregnancy; hilarity and the pursuit of emergency contraception ensue.
It’s a little bit of “Run Lola Run” meets “Knocked Up,” but without the dialogue that you’d picture a Katherine Heigl character saying. And it brings up a few really important questions about responsibility and a fertilized ovum. Check out the clip below, which shows us the, well, WRONG way to go about contraception usage during a one-night stand (spoiler alert: not using any!). Read more …
Over the last few years when I see couples a huge bone of contention comes up around masturbation or as some say, solo play.
I’ve notice that a small amount of partners are actually okay with their mates continuing on with their old masturbation schedules. Some are absolutely repulsed but the majority are more so hurt that they would even have the inclination to do so. For some reason, the idea of their partner masturbating feels like “they are being cheated on” and they feel left out. Read more …
There was nothing wrong with her. She was not to blame. She was the apotheosis of lust, comprising every element of cisgendered sex from the grrrl-next-door to the bust-down. I wanted her. I needed her. It’s just that this time — this one time — I couldn’t orgasm. Yes, I loved sex, and yes, I loved her, but my body wasn’t cooperating. It’s just wasn’t going to happen that night. It had nothing to do with how I felt about her. She had no reason to feel inadequate.
I repeated the sentiments above to her for two hours. I did it while naked, sweaty, and lying next to her existential crisis. Young and dumb, I believed honesty was the easiest policy. I underestimated the alacrity with which my partner would adopt my malfunction as her own. To her, a man’s orgasm was a simple machine. To not successfully “operate” such a thing felt like the cruelest sleight to her femininity. Obviously, this was not the truth. Unfortunately, the truth rarely has a place with young lovers. I vowed to never repeat such an ordeal. But to keep that promise, I knew sometimes I’d have to fake it. Here’s what I did… Keep reading »